HEARTBREAK

By Katrina Relf


An Excerpt from Vincent’s Journal

 

These past few days, Catherine, I have been aware of something new within our bond – a powerful sense of anticipation and excitement that I have not felt in you before. Its source remained a mystery until, suddenly, without warning, its meaning became all too clear – you were falling in love.

My mind tells me I should rejoice for you, be glad that you are finding the happiness that you deserve. But my heart is breaking. The connection we share, our bond that has always been a source of comfort to me, is now telling me of the joy you feel in this man’s company, of the contentment you find within his arms.

If he is making you happy, why can’t I rejoice for you? Why can’t I look upon him with gratitude? Because, Catherine, my mind is filled with images I dare not dwell upon, and my heart with an emptiness I have never known before. If only you could have loved me as you love him – if only you could have loved me as I love you. But I know this to be an impossible, unattainable dream. I see my reflection in the Mirror Pool and know that I was not meant to be loved, nor meant to give love. My mind accepts this, but my heart still yearns for a life than can never be.

There was a time, after I found you in the park and you were Below in my chamber healing, when I allowed myself to believe in the impossible, to imagine that perhaps one day you would take me to your heart. But then, that night on your balcony, when I saw your beauty for the first time, I knew it could never be. The abyss between us was too deep, and the barriers between our worlds too high.

I know that when we meet again you will be sad. You care for me and you would never wish to cause me pain. But I think we both knew, deep in our hearts, that one day this would happen – you would live another life and dream another dream. And when the time comes for us to part, this time perhaps it will be forever. I may never see you again, but wherever you go, wherever I am, my heart will be with you.

And, Catherine, know this – that whatever happens, whatever comes, I will always be here for you, and, if you ever need me, if your new love should prove to be false, my arms will be open, my heart will always be yours.