STRENGTH OF THE SOUL
Joan Stephens
Chapter 1 She felt him steadily withdraw from her, and the empty silence that followed when he severed the bond completely would haunt her for the rest of her life. /No, oh no, Vincent. /She wept. The last two months were the worst months she had ever spent. They had started with the glad reunion of Vincent and one of the friends of his youth. Her name was Serena and she had returned to her home in the tunnels after having lost her husband and child in a fire. Catherine and Vincent spent much time with her, easing her over the painful loss of her family. They shared many a cup of tea as the two old friends recalled with tears and laughter all the mischief they had gotten into as children.
It was about this time that Catherine began to notice a change in Vincent. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it felt as if he was drifting away. When she questioned him about this, he brushed off her concerns, saying that she had nothing to worry about. But as the days progressed, he came less and less to her balcony until she was forced to go Below to see him. He seemed to have lost interest in the world Above and was content to stay in his world. He couldn’t see why she was so concerned about him staying Below all the time. After all it was much safer for him, wasn’t it? She couldn’t fault his reasoning, but it seemed that he spent all his time in Serena’s chamber just lying around and doing nothing. She took her concerns to Father, but he was more than happy to have Vincent remain Below and hinted that if she loved him enough she wouldn’t press him to go Above. Defeated, she returned Above and waited in vain for Vincent to come to her.
Three weeks passed with no word from him, and she was losing what hope she had that he would ever come when she heard a noise on her balcony. Hoping it was he, she rushed out through the doors to find him standing there. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him for all she was worth.
Lightly placing his hands on her shoulders, he put her away from him. She looked up at him in surprise. Something about his demeanor and the look in his eyes nagged at her. There was something wrong with him, but she couldn’t put a finger on it. "Are you all right?" she asked, fearing that he was ill.
"I’m fine, Catherine," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. He turned away from her and walked to the balcony parapet. Swinging around, he stared at her for a minute as if he was trying to remember her place in his life. Then shaking his head, he said, "We must talk." His eyes were flat and remote; she couldn’t read them.
"Yes, we must," she agreed.
"It is painful for me to say this but it must be said: I no longer love you. I love another." His actions belied his words. Distantly he watched her as if what she felt meant nothing to him, as if the pain his words gave her affected him not in the least . . . as if she was a stranger.
Reeling from the blow of his words, she groped for the wall to keep from falling. "You no longer love me?" she gasped painfully. "How can this be? What have I done? What has happened?"
Ignoring her questions, he continued on as if he had rehearsed this speech several times. "Your love has brought me nothing but pain and distress. Serena’s love is like her, soothing and comforting . . . peaceful. I find that I crave this kind of love. I will have it no other way. Serena has moved into my chamber and lives with me now. It is not your fault, Catherine, but you are a Topsider and as such are a danger to me. Please do not come Below again. It will only bring you more pain. If you try, you will be stopped by the sentries and escorted back Above." Not even waiting to see her reaction, he sprang over the balcony wall and was gone before she could even move.
Frozen with shock, Catherine could not move. Finally her hand slowly raised to the neck of her blouse, and she pulled out the crystal that he had given her on their first anniversary. She looked at it dumbly. How could she have been so blind and not seen what was happening? Because she was complacent, certain in her belief that nothing could ever part them. Were all his protestations of love just playacting? No, she was sure that at one time he truly loved her.
She couldn’t think straight. Her thoughts kept going around in circles. She could barely breathe. Bitterly, she thought, /Father has what he always wanted. Me out of Vincent’s life./ Suddenly, she was cold, so cold that she feared she would never be warm again. She had to get off the balcony; she had to do something. She rushed inside, and as her world crashed around her, she threw herself on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. She wept until exhausted then fell into a fitful sleep where she dreamed of Vincent and Serena laughing at her while she pleaded with him for an explanation.
A glorious fall morning greeted her when she awoke. One of those warm autumn days where the sun seemed to create diamonds in the very air one breathed. The air sparkled, the sky was the color of Vincent’s eyes. She would never look up at the sky without thinking of him. /Oh god, how can I live without him./ But the beauty of the morning was wasted on her as she sat on the edge of her bed, trying to come to terms with what had happened. It explained the strange distance that had developed between them, but why couldn’t he have warned her before this?
As she thought back over the times they had spent together these past two months, she could now see the gradual cooling of his love for her. It began with keeping his hands safely hidden in the folds of his cloak, dropping her hand when she wanted to hold his, embraces being withheld, the excuses for not coming to see her, and the last clue to his loss of interest in her: staying away for three weeks before confronting her with his statement of a dead love. God, she had been so blind. But she loved him so desperately and needed him as much that she chose not to see what was happening. Even Father had tried to warn her, but she wouldn’t listen, knowing that all would be well in the end. Well, this was the end and all was not well. She could fight for him, but how could she fight his indifference--he simply didn’t seem to care--and he had forbidden her to come Below so she couldn’t even see him. As far as she could see, there was nothing to be gained by trying to make him see her. He no longer wanted her in his life. She had to respect his decision as much as it broke her heart to do so.
Her imagination began to work overtime as much as she struggled to stop it. She imagined Vincent turning to Serena and pulling her to him then kissing her passionately, running his hands over her body, picking her up and carrying her to his bed, both of them laughing happily. She never knew that a broken heart could hurt so much; it was an actual physical ache, and at the moment, she wanted to die. But she pulled herself together and turned her imagination off. And yet these images would haunt her in the darkness of her dreams.
Suddenly the anger exploded in her. How dare he do this? How dare he take another woman to his bed? How dare he take three years out of her life and then, oh so casually, throw it back in her face? Well, two can play at this game. She would wipe him out of her heart and soul if it was the last thing she ever did. But to do that she had to distance herself from all reminders of him. She had to get away and soon. She never wanted to see this apartment again; the memories were too painful, memories that once gladdened her heart. She would put it up for sale. Then of course, Joe needed to be notified that she was leaving. He would be unhappy with her for leaving without giving him prior notice and time to break in another investigator, but it couldn’t be helped; she couldn’t remain in the city any longer. Writing out the note, she called for Benny, the fastest messenger boy in the city, and had him take the note to Joe. She took the phone off the hook and quickly packed before Joe could come barging in for an explanation. As she climbed into a taxi, she saw his cab come screeching up to the front of her apartment building, and Joe leaping out of the back seat then running into the lobby. Tears came to her eyes as she realized that of all the people she knew, she would miss him the most; he had become so dear to her. If she had met him before Vincent, she was sure that they would have had a deeper relationship.
Her next stop was JFK International and somewhere . . . anywhere where she could try to pick up the pieces of her life that Vincent had shattered with his words.
***************
Two years later a much changed and tempered Catherine returned to the city of her birth. She had locked her heart in titanium; no one would ever hurt her again. It had taken all this time for her to finally accept that Vincent did not love her, and she had made a conscious decision to go on with her life without him. But she had also discovered that she would not be happy anywhere else but in New York.
It had been a long, tiring day and Dr. Peter Alcott was just climbing the stairs to his bedroom when his doorbell rang. My god, he thought who could be ringing his doorbell at this time of night. When he opened the door, Cathy was standing there with an odd little smile on her face.
Anger stiffened his shoulders and hoarsened his voice as he thought of the many nights he had spent worrying about her until the postcard had arrived telling him that she was all right but not where she was. "Thanks a lot for letting me know that you were all right," he complained sarcastically, leaving her standing in the doorway. "You couldn’t call and let me know? Jenny and Joe are both very hurt that you left them hanging for so long."
She smiled her best little girl smile at him, hoping to win his forgiveness for her thoughtlessness. "I was hoping you had forgiven me by now," she said brightly with a frightened smile. "I’m sorry, Peter, but at the time I was so mixed up and miserable that I couldn’t think of anything other than getting away. I desperately needed to be alone. I wasn’t thinking of anyone else, only myself and I am truly sorry."
The scowl on Peter’s face slowly changed into a half-smile and he asked, "What made you so terribly unhappy? Something to do with Vincent?" He noticed the immediate stiffening of her shoulders and the strange look in her eyes. The look of love was gone replaced by a wounded, angry expression. What had happened between these two beloved children?
"Can I come in?" she asked, "then I can tell you everything that has happened."
"Oh! Sure, honey," he said with chagrin. "I’m sorry to keep you standing there. It’s just that I thought I’d never see you again." He gathered her into his arms and squeezed her affectionately.
"Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?" she said through her tears.
"Of course, have I ever stayed mad at you very long?" he quipped. She shook her head that was pressed against his chest. "Besides, I’ve missed you."
"I’ve missed you too and Joe and Jenny, but I just couldn’t stay here," she said with a rush as the tears began to fall. Peter’s arms felt so comforting and reassuring that she could almost forget what had happened. Almost.
"Come on, you can stay in the guest room. Since it’s right next to mine, if you need to talk I’ll be close by."
After she was settled in, he asked her to tell him what had happened and why she had left so precipitously. As she told him what had happened, he nodded as if that explained it all. "So, that’s why I haven’t been able to reach the tunnels."
Sitting at his kitchen table, they were sipping decaf before retiring for the night. "I don’t understand. How could that have anything to do with Vincent falling out of love with me?" she questioned, a quizzical look on her face. "The one has nothing to do with the other."
He whirled on her, after jumping to his feet. "But I think it does. Most of the thresholds are blocked and those that are open are manned by ill-mannered strangers. Furthermore, I was rebuffed every time I tried to talk with Jacob or Vincent. I didn’t get any straight answers as to what was going on down there."
"Just what is it you fear, Peter?" Her eyes round with fear that something might have happened to tunnel world. Clasping her nervous hands together, she held them tightly in her lap. Even if Vincent no longer loved her, the thought of a world without him was unbearable, and all protestations to the contrary, she still loved him and always would.
"Paracelsus."