Unbreakable by Barbara Handshy Anderson (Section 5)

As the sun rose over New York City, the first thing Catherine was aware of was the sweet fragrance of Honeysuckle. As she opened her eyes and began to focus she saw the flowers that Vincent had left for her. Scooping them up in her hands, she drank them in.

Everything looked so fresh and crisp in the first morning light. The sky was a beautiful brilliant blue and dotted with fluffy white clouds. As she came out of the fog of a long needed rest she began to recall the events of the night and her last memory of falling to sleep in the safety of Vincent’s arms. She couldn’t help but worry that it had been a mistake to let him stay, to let him come so close. At the same time she felt as if a great weight had been lifted.

She could still hear his voice as he pleaded … “Catherine … We have been given this moment. … If all we have is seven days, then let’s accept that gift. It’s more than I ever dreamed there would be. Let me share this with you … for seven days. No hopes, no expectations, just this moment and whatever moments there may be after that.”

As she looked out over the city she nodded and said, “No hopes, no expectations … accept the moment. Accept the gift.” She nodded again and repeated, “Accept the gift.”

Surprised by his appearance, Catherine spun around, “Peter.” Smiling she said, “Good morning, Peter. Isn’t it beautiful this morning? It’s like a wonderful gift”

Peter was astounded at the change in Catherine from the night before. She looked as if she was just fine.

He said, “Cathy, you look wonderful! I was so worried about you yesterday. But you look so well this morning.” Looking around he asked, “Did you sleep up here last night? Is that such a good idea, Cathy? After all …”

Catherine smiled and answered, “I guess I did. I had a nightmare and I came up here for some air. I must have fallen asleep. It’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in weeks, Peter. I feel more at peace than I have for a long time.”

“Good,” Peter laughed, “Because I’ve asked Marta to bring up breakfast.”

As if on cue, Peter’s housekeeper appeared with a wonderful smelling tray of food.

As they enjoyed their hearty meal Peter marveled, “I don’t think I’ve seen you eat like this since you arrived, Cathy. What’s different today?”

Catherine didn’t want to share the details of Vincent’s visit, so she skirted the issue. “I have six days before my surgery, Peter. I want to cherish every moment and I need to put my affairs in order. I have some things I need to take care of. We need to make sure that my estate will go to Jake if that’s all right with you? I know it’s Saturday, but would it be possible to meet with your lawyers this morning if Joe is available?”

Peter tried to put her off. “Cathy, you have had several rough days. Why don’t you just take today off and rest? We can go see the lawyers on Monday.”

Catherine refused to be persuaded. “No, I need to do this today, Peter. I don’t have any time to waste. Every minute I have left is a gift. I can’t waste any of it.”

Then Peter understood that despite her cheerful appearance it was clear that she was still planning for her own death. He nodded and said, “Fine, Cathy, I’ll go call the lawyers while you go get dressed.”

As Catherine headed for the door she picked up the honeysuckle and took it with her. She had a serene smile on her face as she inhaled its sweetness.

As Peter watched her go he was amazed at the strength it must have taken for her to face all that she had gone through in her life with such grit and mental fortitude and the courage with which she was facing each day now. He couldn’t help but wonder where such power came from. He also wondered how much pain it was causing her to be so close to Vincent and Jacob and to stay away from them. But Peter knew that the subject was off limits, and he intended to respect those limits.

In the shower, Catherine’s sense of euphoria was momentarily interrupted when she couldn’t hold down her breakfast. It was beginning to dawn on her that something could be terribly wrong. She had read the literature that Dr. Michaels had given her. She should probably call him. But there were things that she needed to do before it was too late. She resolved to call him as soon as she was finished.

Peter called his lawyers and then he called Joe. By 9 am they were all in Joe’s office. The business at hand was fairly simple: The Catherine Chandler Estate and all of its assets, including The Catherine Chandler Foundation was to be transferred from Peter Alcott back to Catherine Chandler. Then Catherine needed to write her will. Her desire was that upon her death her entire estate would be left to her only son. But when she refused to tell Joe the name of her son, Joe was perplexed.

“Joe, he hasn’t even seen me. He has got to be confused and hurt and angry. I don’t know if he will even want any part of me or the foundation. I will write him a letter on your office letterhead. If he chooses to accept it, then he can bring it to you. He may have a lot of questions, Joe. I am counting on you to answer what you can.”

“I don’t understand, Cathy. Why haven’t you reached out to him? If you believe you are going to die, don’t you want to see your son before that happens?” Joe asked.

Catherine had a look of longing on her face. She said, “I want to see him more than anything, Joe. But if my son’s identity becomes public, then he could be in danger too. I won’t expose him to that. If his identity becomes known it will have to be his choice.”

Joe said, “I understand your reasoning, Cathy, but I strongly disagree with you. He deserves to know you, and you deserve to know him, even if it’s only for a week.”

Catherine was silent for a moment. “I will give it some thought, Joe. But for now, this is how I want to proceed.”

Joe conceded and handed her the stationery. He showed her to a quiet room where she could write the letter in private.

Diana was taking a chance by going to Joe’s office on a Saturday. But she used to know Joe, and if his work habits were still the same after all these years, there was a good chance she would find him in his office, even on such a lovely day. She was hoping that as Catherine Chandler’s lawyer he would be willing to get her a private interview with Catherine. She wanted to meet her, not only regarding the investigation, but she wanted to meet the woman that Vincent had loved. She wanted to meet the ghost that had blinded Vincent to any other possibility of love.

As the elevator doors opened Diana was taken by surprise when she came face to face with Catherine coming off on her way out of the building. Catherine didn’t seem to recognize her as she walked past and exited the building. Why would she recognize you, Diana? she asked herself, She has never actually met you. Diana made a split second decision to follow her. She kept her distance, because she hadn’t actually made a plan for what she would say if they actually came face to face.

Catherine didn’t notice that someone was watching her as she left Joe’s office and headed for the shelter for one last time. She was surprised at how bright the sun was. Everything seemed in sharper focus. The delicious aromas coming from the hot dog vendors and the pretzel vendors smelled like a little bit of Heaven. Catherine wondered if her heightened sense of everything around her had anything to do with her visit from Vincent last night. Had accepting his “gift” changed something in her? She didn’t know. All she knew was that everything around her glowed and shimmered in the sunlight. Everything felt like a gift.

Lunch preparations had already begun in the kitchen when Cici/Catherine got there. It was easy for her to blend in to the bustle of the kitchen. She found a dish towel and found a spot near the sink. She looked at the young people around her and smiled as they joked with one another and shared their plans for the weekend. She could see such hope in their faces in spite of the hardships they were struggling to overcome. As the lunch crowd thinned and people went their separate ways Cici/Catherine found herself alone in the kitchen putting away dishes. Looking around for a step ladder to put some dishes in a high cupboard she noticed the custodian. He was always looking at her with a funny expression on his face. Catherine didn’t really mind. He seemed harmless enough.

He smiled even bigger and nodding his head he said, “Okay good. Okay fine.” Then he turned to go find one.

Catherine stood stock still as a long forgotten memory burst into her mind, “Okay good. Okay fine. Okay good. Okay fine …” kept echoing in her mind.

When he returned smiling and presented her with the step ladder. She looked closely at his face and asked, “Mouse? Is that you?”

Catherine reached out and held his hand. “Oh, Mouse. It’s so good to see you, Mouse. What are you doing up top?”

Mouse smiled again, “Sometimes Mouse is above. Sometimes Mouse is below. Mouse missed you, Catherine. Are you back?”

His smile faded. He looked closely at her and said, “Something’s wrong? Catherine’s sick?”

Continuing to look at her closely he said, “Eye’s not right. Mouse can fix things. Mouse can’t fix that.” His eyes brightened and he said, “Jacob’s a doctor. Jacob can fix it.”

Catherine smiled and put her hand on Mouse’s shoulder. “I don’t think Jacob can fix this, Mouse. But I have a doctor. Don’t worry. Okay?”

Before leaving the shelter, she wanted to let Becka know that she might not be back. Catherine knocked on Becka’s office door. Then she poked her head in and said, “Hey, Becka, I need to talk to you before I head out. Do you have a minute?”

Becka was glad to have a minute to talk to Cici. “Come on in, Cici.” She smiled warmly. Before Catherine could even sit down Becka said, “You look so serious. What can I do for you?”

Catherine sat down and said, “Today is probably my last day for a while. I’m sorry, Becka.”

Catherine was not sure how much information she was willing to share. After all she didn’t know Becka very well. Why should she burden a relative stranger with her problems anyway? She decided to give as little detail as possible.

“I’m having surgery this coming week. I have some things I have to take care of before that, so I probably won’t be able to come again.”

Catherine smiled, “Thank you, Becka. I appreciate your concern. But there really isn’t anything you can do. I appreciate you letting me come here and ….”

Just then the door burst opened and Jen Maxwell came in. “Hey Becks! I hope you two are hungry, kiddo. We have a lot of catching u…” She stopped short when she saw Catherine sitting there. Looking very confused she asked, “Cathy? What are you doing here?”

“Hi Mom!” Becka said cheerfully. “Cici, this is my mother, Jen Maxwell. Wait …Do you guys already know each other?” Turning to Jen she asked, “Why did you call her Cathy?”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Catherine took a deep breath and said, “Jen is your mother? Jen and I have been friends since college. I’m sorry, Becka, I told you my name was Cici because I didn’t want anyone to know I was here in New York. My name is really Catherine. Catherine Chandler. You can call me Cathy.”

The expression on Becka’s face showed that she was beginning to realize … “Catherine … Chandler? The one on the news?” Becka’s eyes widened as she realized she was standing in front of … “You’re … Jake’s … mother?”

Catherine felt her heart stop when she heard Jake’s name. She looked at Becka in shock. Before she could reply, Becka’s attention was drawn toward the office door like she was looking past her mother at someone else. Catherine and Jen both turned to see Jake standing like a statue at the door. His face was pale and he had circles under his eyes.

Catherine was frozen in place. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak. Her heart was beating wildly. Finally all she was able to say was, “Jake”

Jake just stared at her. The pain and the confusion was clearly written on his face. When he spoke he said, “… Hello, Cici … or should I say Catherine?”

Jake’s expression changed. It became hard and set and he said with deep bitter sarcasm, “Jen, Becka, I see you’ve both met my mother.”

Jen was about to speak but Jake spoke first. “Becka, Jen, could you please leave Miss Chandler and me alone for a minute?”

Becka grabbed Jen’s hand and attempted to pull her from the room. Jen pulled away from her and said, “Cathy?”

Catherine shook her head, put her hand on Jen’s arm and said, “It’s all right, Jen. I’ll be okay.”

Jen could see by the look on Catherine’s face that she wasn’t okay. She gave Catherine a quick hug and left the room with Becka.

As soon as they got out of the office, Jen demanded, “What is happening, Becka? How do you know Cathy?”

Becka was dismayed as she said, “I thought her name was Cici. She has been volunteering here for a week or so. Peter Alcott said she was a friend. Oh my gosh, Mom. Jake is so hurt and so angry. And she has been working here all along. I had no idea who she was.”

“SO DID HE, MOM!” Becka said, “Until a couple of days ago when they dug up her grave. When we saw Dad in that news conference last night, he went into a tailspin. I don’t think he has slept for 2 days. Is Dad her lawyer?”

“Yes, Becka. He’s has been helping her to get her identity back,” Jen answered.

Jen was dumbstruck. “Becka! We are old friends of Cathy’s. How were we supposed to know that she was Jake’s mother?”

Jen shook her head. “NO! She refused to tell anyone who her son was. She said he would be in danger if people knew who he was.”

Inside the office, Catherine watched as Becka and Jen closed the door. She turned to look at Jake. He looked so hurt and so vulnerable. She couldn’t say anything. She just stood there.

Jake looked at Catherine, waiting for her to say something, anything. He ran his hands through his hair. He shook his head and paced a little. He didn’t know what to do. He had never been this angry in his entire life. He was afraid of the feelings that were boiling inside of him.

Catherine was silent for a moment. She was afraid to speak. Then she answered, “No, not at first. Not until you told me your mother’s name was Catherine Chandler.”

She shook her head and answered, “No, Jake. I couldn’t tell you. You were never supposed to know.”

Jake laughed bitterly. “You want answers? That’s pretty funny. What makes you think you deserve any answers from me?”

The pain in Jake’s eyes and the bitterness in his voice cut her deeply. She nodded, “You’re right, Jake. I don’t … deserve … any answers.”

“You walked away. You walked away and you never looked back. You have been dead for 25 years. Why are you here? Why now?” Jake asked.

Before she could answer he said, “My father says you’re dying. You don’t look like you’re dying. But he believes you. You’re going to hurt him again aren’t you? You are going to leave again and break his heart.”

When she didn’t answer he pounded his fist on the desk and demanded, “AREN’T YOU?”

She nodded, “Yes, Jake. Yes, I am.” She didn’t know how to make him understand. She continued with tears in her eyes, “He knows, Jake. I asked him to stay away from me. I told him that I have nothing to offer him but pain,” she sighed deeply. “He didn’t care. He came back anyway.”

“Why do you have to hurt him? He has only ever and always loved you. All of my life he has told me how wonderful you were, how beautiful you were. He made me believe … He made me believe in guardian angels … and the kind of love that you read about in fairy tales. Why couldn’t you just leave him in peace?”

Catherine was shaking her head. “Jake, I never wanted to hurt anyone. It’s not like that.”

“And what about your ‘Life’s Work’?” he asked in a mocking tone. “Was that all a lie too? Did you get tired of slumming with the orphans in Thailand? You’ve done your bit for humanity and now you just come back? For what? Your money? I know you didn’t come back for us. Did you?” He raised his voice again. “DID YOU?”

Catherine was trying to steel herself against Jake’s onslaught of pain and anger. She didn’t want him to see her lose control. She didn’t want Vincent to feel her lose control. She shook her head again and said, “No, Jake, I didn’t come back for you. I didn’t want you to know…”

Cutting her off he asked, “And where is Candy, Catherine? Where … is … Candy? You left her too? You said you were the only safe place she had in the world. And you just walked away and left her? The same way you walked out on me and my father? You’re good at that aren’t you? Walking away? Who does she have now? Was anything you said to me in Thailand true? Or was everything a lie?”

By this point Catherine could no longer respond. She was afraid that she would lose control of herself if she spoke. An instinct deep within her had taken over and her only purpose was to keep him from seeing her break down and to keep Vincent from feeling her pain. Her expression had become like a mask.

Jake interpreted her stony expression and lack of response as acknowledgement that what he said was true. “I want it back,” he said. “I want the crystal back. It belonged to my mother. And you are NOT my mother.”

Every word he spoke pierced her to the heart. After all, they were all things that she had already said to herself in her darkest moments.

Jake continued, “My mother was courageous and generous and loving and kind. You ARE NOT any of those things. You are a coward and a liar. My mother is dead.”

Catherine closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if she had been suddenly hit in the face with cold water. For a moment she thought she was standing before Gabriel and she could hear his hideous voice saying, “You’re dead, at least to anyone who ever cared about you.” She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head as if to banish the memory.

She nodded and almost in a whisper said, “Yes, Jake, I agree. That’s probably for the best.” Then she turned toward the door. She needed to get out of there. She needed to breathe.

As she opened the door Jake shot one more arrow in his anguish, “Why couldn’t you have stayed away? Why didn’t you just stay dead?”

Just outside the door Jen had a look of shock on her face as she heard Jake’s last remarks through the now open door. She was surprised by the pale expressionless look on Catherine’s face. She reached out to put her arms around her friend and said, “Cathy, are you okay?”

Seeing Jen moving toward her Catherine held up her hands with a look of fear and said, “DON’T … DON’T … touch …me!” She just looked at Jen and shaking her head, said, “It’s okay, Jen. I’ll be okay.” And she walked toward the door.

As Catherine left the shelter she stopped near the exit to steady herself. She grasped the crystal in her hand and slowly took it off. She looked at it for a moment, it seemed to sparkle brightly, and then she quietly lay it down on the table in the entryway before opening the door.

The sun was unusually bright. Catherine had trouble focusing. As she stood at the top of the stoop she noticed a woman staring at her from the street. She looked vaguely familiar. She looked like … All at once Catherine froze in place. Every nerve in her body seemed on fire. She felt a wave of overwhelming panic and terror and all at once it seemed as if her head was going to explode. She held her hands up to her head and was about to cry out at the excruciating pain when everything went black. Seconds later, lying in a heap at the bottom of the steps, Catherine was completely helpless. As she sank into the darkness she thought she heard Gabriel’s sinister laughing as he said, “You’re dead … at least to anyone who ever cared about you …”

Somewhere in the tunnels Vincent was torn between his feelings for Catherine and his love for his son. Jacob was in so much pain. Vincent was not sure how to help him. He was also resolved to spend as much time with Catherine as possible before her surgery. She had been alone all of these years. He was determined to surround her with love if, as she believed, she was only going to live a few more days. It was the least he could do for her after all that she had given to him.

As he was walking through the tunnels he was suddenly overcome by a momentary feeling of terror followed by a sudden pain in his head that was so intense that it brought him to his knees and took his breath away. And then as soon as it came it left him and he felt nothing at all. When he finally caught his breath and stood up he saw her, or rather the image of her, standing right there in front of him. She looked confused. He heard her say, “Vincent, where are you?” and then she disappeared. He immediately felt a sense of dread.

Jen stood frozen in place as Catherine headed for the exit. She was appalled by what she had heard Jake say to her and terrified by the look she had seen on Catherine’s face. Becka ran immediately to Jake’s side, but he was too angry to let her near him or to be consoled.

Jen turned toward the exit to see Mouse pick up the crystal that Catherine had left on the table.

Heading for the door, Mouse called, “Catherine, you forgot this.” He opened the door to see Catherine tumbling to the bottom of the stairs. “Catherine!” he screamed. He was so frightened to see her fall that he didn’t recognize the strange woman that was already at her side. “Help! Somebody!” he called as he ran down the steps.

Jen ran to the door and was horrified to see Catherine lying at the bottom of the stairs. She could see blood on her face. She screamed, “Cathy!” as she ran to the side of her friend.

By the time Jake and Becka came to the door, Jenny was by Catherine’s side crying for help. Mouse was standing helplessly beside them saying, “This is bad. Worse than bad. Worse than worst. Worse than worst. Worse than worst.”

Jake turned to Becka and said, “Call 911.” Jake ran down the stairs and grabbed Mouse by the shoulders. “What happened, Mouse?” Then shaking Mouse to get his attention, he asked louder, “MOUSE, WHAT HAPPENED?”

Mouse looked at Jake as if he just realized he was standing there. “Jacob. Jacob," Mouse said, “Jacob’s a doctor. Jacob can fix it. Catherine said, ‘No Jacob can’t fix it.’ But you can fix it, right Jacob?”

Mouse answered, “Catherine’s sick. Eyes not right. One eye’s big. One eye’s small. That’s not right.”

Jake came close. He could see that she was breathing, but she wasn’t responding to anything. Looking at her eyes, he could see that Mouse was right. One pupil was dilated more than the other.

Looking to Jen, he asked, “Jen, is something really wrong with her? Do you know what’s wrong with her?!?!”

Jen nodded through her tears, trying not to become hysterical, she nodded and said, “Yes. Uhm. An aneurysm. No …three … three aneurysms. She’s supposed to have surgery next Friday.”

Jake groaned as he realized how serious this situation could be. “Who is her doctor? Jen! WHO’S HER DOCTOR?!?!” he asked frantically.

Jen responded, “Dr. Michaels at the University. He’s a friend of Peter Alcott. He said if anything happens she has to get to the hospital as fast as possible.”

Jen put her hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Jake, you have to tell them that her name is Cici Chamberlain. Do you understand? It’s Cici Chamberlain.”

Jake looked at her confused for a moment and then nodded. “Cici Chamberlain. Okay. Just call him!”

Jake turned to the ambulance crew and told them what he knew. He insisted on riding in the ambulance. Becka and Jen were holding on to each other as the ambulance pulled away. They jumped into the first taxi they could flag.

Slowly the crowd dispersed. And Mouse was left standing alone on the sidewalk, where Catherine had fallen. He was still holding Catherine’s crystal necklace. Looking down he saw a little bit of blood on the sidewalk. He knelt to touch the blood and whispered, “Worse than bad. Worse than worst. Worse than worst … Jacob can fix it.”

Diana had followed Catherine to the shelter from Joe’s office and waited for a couple of hours. Is this where she’s living? Diana wondered. Finally she decided to go inside and try to speak with her. As she approached the shelter, she had only reached the bottom of the stoop when the door opened and she recognized Catherine on her way out. They had made eye contact briefly before Catherine collapsed. Diana had very little time to respond before people began pouring out of the door and rushing to her side. Diana hadn’t gone very far from the bottom of the stairs. She wanted to see. She wasn’t exactly sure what had happened. As a crowd gathered, she found a spot near the back. She had watched events unfold: the panicked screams, the tears, the confusion and the sirens. She could still feel her heart beating wildly as the ambulance pulled away. She wondered if she had caused it. Was that look of terror on her face because of me? she wondered. Did I frighten her and cause her to fall? But then she reasoned, That can’t be it. She doesn’t know me. Why would she be frightened of me? She doesn’t even know me. She decided to call Greg Hughs and tell him what had happened.

As the crowd dispersed Diana could see only one person left at the scene of the accident. He looked vaguely familiar. And then she heard him saying, “Worse than bad, worse than worst …” and she knew.

Mouse heard someone say his name. He turned around and looked at Diana. Slowly a look of recognition came over his face. “Diana? You’re Diana. Used to be Vincent’s friend. Long time ago. Went away.”

Pointing to the ground where Catherine fell, Mouse said, “Catherine’s hurt. Fell down stairs.” Then nodding, he said, “Jacob can fix it. Jacob will fix it.”

“Mouse, you need to go tell Vincent … what happened,” she said, “Vincent needs to know what happened to Catherine. Can you do that, Mouse?”

Mouse nodded and said, “Yes. Need to tell Vincent. Worse than bad, worse than worst. Need to tell Vincent.”

Diana turned and headed for the police station and Greg Hughs. She hoped that Mouse would go and tell Vincent what had happened.

Dr. Michaels met them at the Emergency Room. Catherine was whisked away almost as soon as she came through the hospital doors. Dr. Michaels knew that if a rupture had occurred, every minute was crucial to Catherine’s survival.

Now Jake, Becka, and Jen all sat together in silence in the waiting room. Jake kept playing everything over in his head. His angry words echoed in his mind. “You are a coward and a liar. My mother is dead.” Her soft answer echoed even louder, “Yes, I agree. That’s probably for the best.”

Joe had gone to pick up Peter on his way to the hospital. As soon as they arrived Jen ran into Joe’s arms. Up until now she had been strong, but with his arms around her she broke down. “What is it, Jen? What happened?”

Jen shook her head, “I’m not sure. Cathy … maybe she fainted or maybe she tripped. I don’t know. But she fell down the stairs. They took her as soon as we got here. The doctor is with her now.”

Just then Dr. Michaels came through the doors. He looked somber. Jen was prepared for the worst.

Peter greeted him first. “Hello, Mack, what’s the news? How serious is it?”

Joe began to say, “We’re her friends and I’m her lawyer. She doesn’t have any immedia...”

Just then Joe heard a voice behind him say, “I am, Dr. Michaels. I’m her son.”

Joe and Peter turned to look in Jake’s direction. Up until Jake spoke neither of them had realized anyone else was in the room. Joe had a look of confusion on his face. He looked even more confused when he turned to see who belonged to the voice he had just heard and realized it was Jake, his son-in-law.

Dr. Michaels put his arm on Jake’s shoulder and said, “Let’s all sit down.” Dr. Michael’s sat on the coffee table with everyone seated around him. “Jake, one of Cici’s aneurysms has ruptured.”

Dr. Michaels continued, “Luckily it was the smallest one. If it had been the large one …” he shook his head. “… She needs a craniotomy right away. She’s being prepped for surgery right now. We are going to attempt to clip all three aneurysms while we are in there. And hopefully relieve some of the pressure on her brain. There will most likely be some brain damage as a result of the bleed. We won’t be able to ascertain the level of the damage until after the surgery.”

Dr. Michaels replied, “No. Cici already signed all of the pertinent documentation yesterday at my office. But if we need anything else we’ll let you know.”

“She’s had a pretty bad fall. Considering that, she was lucky.” Dr. Michaels said reassuringly. “Her injuries are not very serious. She does have a broken arm. Other than that some cuts and bruises.”

Dr. Michaels rose to leave as he answered, “You should make yourselves comfortable, Mrs. Maxwell. It could be 4 or 5 hours, maybe more.”

As Dr. Michaels left, Joe turned to Jake. He stared at him for a minute or two and asked, “Is that true, Jake? Is Cathy really your mother?”

Jake breathed deeply. He got up and walked to the window. “Apparently … I am … her son. … But I don’t have a mother, Joe... I never have.” He pressed his hands on the top of his head and winced as if he was in physical pain.

By his demeanor and the tone of Jake’s voice, Joe thought it might be best not to ask him anymore questions.

The silence was more oppressing as the seconds, minutes, and hours dragged by. After about 3 hours Joe said, “Is anybody hungry? Maybe we should go to the cafeteria and see if they have anything edible to eat?”

Becka turned to her father and said, “Why don’t you and Mom and Peter go, Dad. We can go in shifts. That way if there is any news, someone will be here.”

Joe nodded and held out his hand to Jen. “Come on, Honey. You have to try and eat something.” Jen took his hand and they silently left the waiting room.

As the three of them reached the elevator Joe said, “Maybe I should ask them if they want us to bring anything back for them. Wait here.”

When he got to the entrance of the waiting area he saw Becka sitting on the coffee table facing Jake, as she asked, “Jake? What can I do? Are you all right?”

Jake put his face in his hands and then said, “She can’t die, Becka. Not after what I said to her. My father still loves her. He tried to tell me that she was sick. That she might be dying. I was too angry to listen. I couldn’t hear him. I refused to hear him. If she dies … after the things I said …” He shook his head and said, “I don’t know if I can face him.”

Becka continued to try to comfort Jake. Rubbing his shoulder she said, “You were upset. He’ll understand. Your father may love her, Jake. But he loves you too. Don’t forget that.”

In this moment, the worst moment of Jake’s life, he was incredibly thankful for Becka and her unwavering love. “I’m glad you’re here, Becka,” he whispered. Accepting her embrace, Jake found some comfort in her arms.

Joe quietly backed away from the door. In the cafeteria Jen told Joe what had happened at the shelter. Joe was quiet as he wondered about what he had overheard in the waiting room.

In the cafeteria Jen noticed how quiet Joe was. “What are you thinking, Joe?” she asked.

Joe shook his head. “I was just thinking about all the questions that surrounded Cathy’s case all those years ago. There were things that just never added up. Upstairs when I went back to ask the kids if they wanted anything from the cafeteria, I overheard them talking about Jake’s father.”

Joe nodded, “Jake said that if Cathy dies, he won’t be able to face his father after what he said to her…. He said that his father tried to tell him that she was sick and might be dying, but he wouldn’t listen.”

Jen asked, “But he told us that both of his parents were dead? Why would he do that?”

Joe was careful. “Back then Cathy kept her personal life a secret. You were her best friend Jen, and she didn’t even share it with you. Now Jake is keeping his life a secret. What he said makes me think Cathy has been in contact with Jake’s father, but she didn’t say anything about that to me. Did she say anything to you?”

Jen shook her head, “No, Joe. I don’t even know when she could have seen him. I have been with her almost every day. Should we ask Jake and Becka about it?”

“No,” Joe decided. “Let’s just get through tonight. I don’t want them to know I was listening to them. It could just push them away.”

Jen began to cry. “What if she dies, Joe? She has been through so much to get her identity back. To get her life back. If she dies now, it will all be for nothing.”

“Not for nothing,” Joe said, “She came back so she could die with her name and be buried next to her parents. She’s accomplished that.”

Looking at Jen’s face he realized that that might not have been the best thing to say. “I’m sorry, Jen. I don’t want her to die either. But it wasn’t for nothing. She was planning for the worst just this morning. She couldn’t wait until Monday. She wanted to tie things up today. She must have known that something was wrong.”

Peter had remained silent throughout their conversation. He knew too many secrets to even consider saying anything. He felt awkward, but he knew that he needed to be there, not only for Catherine’s sake, but for Vincent and Jacob as well.

Vincent had been restless all day. He knew in his heart that something had happened. He was afraid to put words to it. He couldn’t concentrate. He just kept walking the tunnels and pacing in his chamber. His plan was to go to Peter’s home as soon as it was late enough. He was hoping against hope that he would find Catherine there in the rooftop garden waiting for him.

Late in the afternoon Pascal brought word to Vincent that Mouse had come below to the tunnels. That he was very upset and wouldn’t speak to anyone but Vincent.

All Pascal could say was, “He just keeps saying, ‘Jacob can fix it. Worse than bad. Worse than worst. Have to tell Vincent.’ Over and over. He won’t let anyone near him.

Entering Mouse’s chamber Vincent approached him slowly. He could hear Mouse muttering to himself. It was clear that he was very upset.

“What do you have to tell me, Mouse?” Vincent asked. “Is something wrong?”

Mouse just looked at Vincent with fear in his eyes. He clearly didn’t want to tell him.

Vincent came closer and embraced Mouse. “It’s all right, Mouse. You can tell me.”

Mouse reached into his pocket for the necklace and held it out to Vincent. Reaching to take it from him, Vincent asked, “Where did you get this?”

Mouse replied, “Didn’t steal it. Found it. Catherine forgot it, on the table. Tried to give it back. She fell … down the stairs.” Mouse was clearly upset as he spoke. “Had blood on her face. Hurt bad. Worse than bad. Jacob can fix it. Right?”

“Shelter. Mouse asked ‘Is Catherine sick?’ said, ‘Jacob’s a doctor. Jacob can fix it.’ Catherine said, ‘Jacob can’t fix it.’ But Jacob will fix it. Jacob went with Catherine.”

“Where? Mouse, where did Jacob and Catherine go?” Vincent was trying to remain calm.

Mouse replied, “Ambulance … took them away.” He paused for a moment and said, “When everyone was gone, Saw blood … on the ground.” Mouse began muttering, “Worse than bad. Worse than worst. Worse than worst …”

“Mouse. Don’t worry,” Vincent said, “It’s going to be all right.” He reached for Mouse and held him close, hoping that he was right.

… in the waiting room … 3 hours passed … 4 hours passed … 5 hours … Finally … the swinging doors that led to surgery opened and Dr. Michaels came out. He looked exhausted. His expression was impossible to read. Everyone in the room stood up, but no one spoke or moved toward him. It felt as if the world was holding its breath. Dr. Michaels came and sat on the coffee table again. They all moved in close.

“She’s made it through the surgery,” Dr. Michaels said. “She’s in recovery now.”

Dr. Michaels shook his head. “She isn’t awake yet. There is no way of telling how long that will take. The surgery went … as well as could be expected. We were able to successfully clip all three of the aneurysms. But because she had a rupture, there is a possibility that there could be other complications. She will have to be closely monitored. In a few hours she will be moved to the ICU. Orthopedics is with her now. They’re putting her arm in a cast.

“She could have a rebleed from the ruptured vessel. She could also experience a secondary event called a vasospasm. The vessels around the bleed could collapse and narrow, starving her brain of oxygen. It’s not uncommon after surviving the initial rupture. She could have a stroke. Seizures are a concern. She isn’t out of the woods by any means. Her condition could be critical for the next 2 or 3 weeks. She will be closely monitored. She’s strong. She has her overall health in her favor. The fact that she got here and was treated so quickly is a definite plus. There is really nothing more that any of you can do here tonight. You should all go home. Get a good night’s sleep and we will be able to tell you more tomorrow.”

Joe put his arm around Jen’s shoulder and said, “He’s right, Honey. We need to go home and try to get some sleep. Do you kids need a lift?”

“Thanks, Dad,” Becka said. “I think we’re good. We might stay here for a while longer.”

“Thanks, Joe,” Jake answered. “But yeah, I think we will stay here for a little while. At least until they move her into the ICU.”

Jen cried quietly in the taxi all the way home. Joe wasn’t sure how to respond to her. Crying women always made him very uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure if she was crying because she was sad or if she was relieved or if she was just exhausted. He put his arm around her and offered her his handkerchief as she cried on his shoulder. He was afraid that if he spoke she might cry even harder, so he just tried his best to comfort her in silence.

About midnight Catherine was moved from the recovery room to a bed in the ICU. Jake stood at the end of her bed watching her. Her head was heavily bandaged. Her face was scraped and bruised. And her left arm was in a cast. She was hooked up to IVs and oxygen and monitors. The only sound in the room was the sound of all the machines.

“What are you feeling, Jake? What can I do?” Becka asked as she slipped under his arm and wound her arms around his waist.

Jake accepted her embrace. He needed her support. “I don’t really know what I’m feeling, Becka. I don’t want her to die. It would cause my father so much pain. But I look at her and I just feel numb. Am I supposed to love her? What I’ve always loved was a lie. I can’t keep loving the lie … and I don’t know the truth. She’s a stranger to me. So what am I supposed to feel?” he asked.

Jake felt a little like a drowning man and Becka was his life raft. “I love you, Becka. Have I mentioned that I’m glad you’re here?”

Jake said, “I need to go tell my Father what’s happened. I can’t put it off any longer. I’ll take you home and then I’ll go talk to him.”

Catherine was disoriented and confused. She found herself wandering alone in the dark. She thought she was in the tunnels, but she wasn’t sure. She could hear strange sounds constant rhythmic beeping. The sound of heavy breathing. She didn’t know exactly where she was. She was having trouble remembering how she got here. She could hear faint voices, as if she was underwater and someone was speaking. She couldn’t tell who it was or where the voices were coming from. The last thing she remembered clearly was arguing with Vincent on Peter’s rooftop. Or was that a dream? She wasn’t sure. … Maybe this was a dream … She wasn’t sure about that either.

After the news Vincent received from Mouse he had changed his plans. He was sure that if Jacob was with Catherine, he would come to the tunnels as soon as there was any news. As the hours dragged on, Vincent fell into a restless sleep.

His sleep was troubled by her voice periodically calling out to him. “Vincent, where are you?” It sounded as if she was lost and afraid in the dark. He could hear her voice, but as he frantically searched the tunnels of his dreams for her, all he could see was the flame of a little candle desperately trying to survive in the wind. But he could never catch up to it.

About 2 o’clock in the morning he was awakened by the touch of Jake’s hand gently shaking him awake.

Vincent woke up and sat up immediately. When Jake didn’t speak right away, Vincent said, “She’s still alive. That much I know. What else can you tell me?”

Vincent shook his head and said, “I just do. She’s confused and afraid. But she’s alive. What happened?” Vincent asked. “She wasn’t supposed to have surgery until next Friday. Mouse said she fell down the stairs. Tell me the details, please.”

Jake nodded. “Yes, she fell down the stairs as she was leaving the shelter.” He didn’t want tell his father about the confrontation he had had with Catherine.

Jake took a deep breath and continued. “You were right, Dad. She was ill. One of her aneurysms ruptured. She was in surgery for over 5 hours. They were able to successfully clip all 3 of the aneurysms. She’s still unconscious and in critical condition. She is being closely monitored. We’ll know more tomorrow. It won’t be clear right away how much brain damage there is.”

“What was she doing at the shelter?” Vincent asked. “Did she come there to talk to you? How did she know to find you there?”

Jake shook his head. “She didn’t come there for me, Dad. She had no idea that I would be there. It was just a coincidence. She has been volunteering there. She was using her fake name. Becka had no idea who she was. I walked into the office and she was there with Becka and Becka’s Mother.”

Vincent could sense from Jacob’s hesitance that there was more to it. He reached over to his nightstand and picked up Catherine’s crystal. Holding it up, he said, “Mouse brought this to me. He said, ‘Catherine forgot it.’ Do you have any idea why she would have left it behind?”

Jake froze at the sight of it. His words to her were so loud in his mind that he was sure his father could hear them. “I want it back. I want the crystal back. It belonged to my mother. And you are NOT my mother.”

Jake turned away from his father and began to pace. “I was so angry, Dad,” he said. “I … I told her I wanted it back … that it belonged to my mother … and …she wasn’t my mother.”

There was silence and Jake said, “But I didn’t realize that she had actually left it behind.”

Jake cut him off. “Yes, Dad, I am still angry. Look, I’m sorry, for your sake that this is happening to her. But don’t expect me to just forget what she’s done. I came here because I love you and I knew you would want to know. I will keep you updated if anything changes. Other than that … I don’t want anything to do with her.

He looked up at his father expecting to see … what?? Disgust? Anger? “Please don’t hate me, Dad.”

“I’m sorry for the pain this has caused you.” Vincent answered He came toward Jake and embraced him. “I will always love you, Jacob, no matter what! Don’t ever doubt that.”

Vincent nodded. “I appreciate you bringing me word. And for being there when she needed you, in spite of your feelings.”

By the time he got back to his apartment it was almost 4am. Jake was suddenly aware of how exhausted he was. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since the last time he had slept. He crawled into bed next to Becka. She reached out for him in her sleep. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The rest of his life might be falling apart, but here, next to the woman that he loved, he found a safe place to rest.

He was back in Thailand talking to Catherine. They were relaxed and comfortable with each other.

Cici was saying, “Jake? Do you think you can ever really know how blessed you are if you have never suffered? How many of us never truly value the ‘treasures’ in our own lives before we’ve lost them forever? I’ve learned the hard way, Jake, to cherish the moments and the gifts I am given, however small. You never know when they will all be gone. And when they are gone, all you can do is treasure the bitter sweetness of the memories and keep reminding yourself that even the darkest nights eventually end. Sooner or later the sun will rise again. I still believe that.”

Jake asked “What do you do until then Cici? What do you do until the darkness ends?”

Smiling softly Catherine answered almost in a whisper, “You light a candle, Jake. You light a candle. And hold on tight to the shattered pieces your dreams.”

All of a sudden Jake could feel two tiny arms squeezing him around the neck. He thought he could smell the faint scent of butterscotch. He felt the sweetness of a child’s kiss and heard Candy say, “Sank you bery much, Khun Doc Jake for you to be my friend.”

Jake woke up suddenly when he felt Candy kiss his cheek. For a moment he thought he could see her standing there beside him. Her innocent smile seemed so real. He put his hand to his cheek and looked around. She was gone.

Sitting up he looked around and was disoriented. He couldn’t tell what time it was. Grabbing his cell phone he realized he had been sleeping for over 10 hours. He felt like he was walking in a fog. As he stepped into the shower the turmoil of the last few days came flowing back into focus. Becka was walking into the apartment as Jake was getting out of the shower.

“Hey, Hon. How are you feeling?” She asked as she reached out to him and kissed him.

He embraced her tightly and breathed deeply. “I woke up about 20 minutes ago. At first I hoped everything that happened in the last few days was only a terrible nightmare. But it wasn’t, was it?”

She stroked the back of his head and said, “No. I wish I could tell you that it was.” They stood like that for a few moments and she said, “Dr. Michaels called. He wants to meet with us at 4 at the hospital. My parents are going to meet us there.”

Shaking his head Jake said, “No. Let’s just go and get this over with.” Grabbing his keys they headed for the door.

Jake was somber as he entered the ICU. He had felt so many extremes of emotion in the last several days, all he could feel right now was numb. He did feel physically rested. But emotionally he was exhausted.

He didn’t speak when he saw Joe and Jen Maxwell there, or when Dr. Michaels arrived.

Dr. Michaels was careful as he spoke. “No, Mrs. Maxwell.” He paused, “Cici is in a coma.”

Dr. Michaels held up his hands and said, “This is not uncommon with this type of brain injury. She could wake up in a day or two or it could be weeks.”

“She is breathing on her own. She responds mildly to painful stimuli. But she can’t be awakened and she makes no verbal responses at all,” was Dr. Michael’s reply.

He continued, “This could just be her brain’s way of healing itself. Everything that can be done for her is being done. We just have to be patient. Waiting and watching is all you can do now. It’s important for her to be surrounded by family, friends, people she knows. Talk to her. Play music. The external stimulation could help.”

“Death,” the doctor said bluntly. “Or a persistent coma or vegetative state.”

Before anyone could react he added, “But there is no reason to expect that at this point. She’s made it this far. Her vital signs are stable. Every day she gets through at this point is a victory. I’ve seen people in her condition make remarkable recoveries. The love and support of family and friends is the best thing for her right now.”

“These ‘remarkable recoveries’, how long did they take?” Jake wondered aloud,

Dr. Michaels turned to Jake, “It could be several months … or it could be several years. Each case is unique.” Looking around he asked, “Do any of you have any more questions before we wrap this up for tonight?”

Everyone was silent. Dr. Michaels nodded. “Ok then. I will have my nurse contact you, Jake if there is anything new.” He shook everyone’s hand and left.

Jen was trying not to cry. She said, “Ok then. Dr. Michaels says she needs her family and friends around her.”

Jake laughed bitterly. It sounded out of place and inappropriate, but he couldn’t help it. “Where does Dr. Michaels think she is going to find any of those?”

Jake couldn’t keep his anger in check, “NO, JEN, I AM NOT! She is not my family and I am certainly not hers. I have nothing to offer her. I don’t want to have anything to do with her.”

Joe stepped closer to Jen and put his arm around her. “She has us, Jen. We will be here for her.”

Jake looked at him questioningly. “What does that mean? You’re her lawyer! It’s pretty sad actually. All she has to show for her life is a son she’s never known and a loyal lawyer.” His bitterness was clear in every word he spoke.

“Jake …” Jen came toward him. She wanted to calm him or comfort him. His anger was frightening her.

Joe was getting angry too. “You don’t know anything about her! And you have absolutely no idea what she has to show for her life. Jen and I have loved Cathy since before you were born. We ARE her family! And we will be here for her!”

Jake was too angry to speak. Too angry to even let Becka near him. He began pacing the floor like an animal that was trapped. He ran from the room. He ran from the hospital. He didn’t stop running until he was safely in the tunnels. He found his way to the Chamber of Whispering Winds. Standing on the bridge he began to scream. The sound of his pain and anguish came from somewhere so deep within him that he didn’t even recognize that the sounds were coming from him.

Vincent could feel Jacob’s heart racing. He had always had a connection with his son. But he usually didn’t feel it strongly unless Jacob was under extreme stress. Vincent was not far behind him when he heard the screams reverberating through the tunnels. His heart stood still. He had never heard anything like that from anyone, except from himself. Running to his son, he tried to approach him. Seeing Jacob in such pain was both frightening and heart breaking. He suddenly understood what it must have been like for Father all those years ago as he helplessly stood by and watched Vincent’s torment.[1]

Jake looked at his father and backed away from him as he said, “Stay away from me, Dad … I’m afraid … I’m so ANGRY, Dad … I’m afraid I might hurt someone.”

Vincent came close to him and embraced him tightly. “You can’t hurt me, Jacob. And I don’t care if you do. Just keep screaming as long as you need to. I won’t leave you alone with this.”

Jake held on tightly to his Father and screamed into the abyss until he was too tired to scream anymore.

Exhausted by the extreme emotion, they sat side by side with their legs dangling off of the bridge. Gazing into the swirling mist below them Jake said, “She’s in a coma.”

Jake nodded. Without looking at his father he said, “I think it’s my fault. I think I caused it.”

“Why would you think that?” Vincent replied. “You didn’t cause her aneurysms.”

Jake wanted to be honest with his father, but he wasn’t sure he could tell him everything. “We argued … just before … it happened. You told me she was ill, but I … I couldn’t hear you. I refused to hear you.”

Vincent answered softly, “We argued the night before. She was so upset that she was shaking.”

Vincent recalled their last meeting. “She wanted me … and you … to stay away from her. She felt that she was in danger and that if we were in her life, we would be in danger as well. But I refused to leave.”

After a few moments of silence he continued, “I don’t think you caused it, Jacob. Sometimes things just happen that we have no control over. Things that aren’t anyone’s fault. They just … are…”

Jake replied, “I’m afraid to go home, Dad. I’m so angry … the pain is so … I’m feeling things I have never felt before. It frightens me. I’m afraid to let Becka near me. I’m afraid I might hurt her.”

Vincent spoke reassuringly. “Jacob, you could never hurt her. Let her love comfort you. Let her love heal you. Her love is what will lead you through this.”

“Do you believe her, Dad? Do you believe Catherine was really in danger?” Jake asked.

Changing the subject Vincent asked, “Is a coma normal? What does the doctor think?”

Jake was relieved to talk about something else. “He says he has seen people in her condition make remarkable recoveries. He said she could wake up in a couple of days or weeks. But he says her full recovery could take months or even years. And that family and friends are important to her recovery.”

After a moment of silence he said, “Dad, I can’t do it. I can’t be part of her recovery. I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I just want to explode with anger whenever I see her. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

Vincent understood, “I love her. You know that, Jacob. But you must know that I love you too.”

Vincent spoke to his son with love. “I don’t expect you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I think Catherine would understand. Follow your heart, Jacob. Trust your heart. It will show you the way through this.”

They got up and walked together in silence. Before they parted Jake turned to Vincent and said, “Thanks Dad.”

“For being here. For understanding. For being an amazing father,” Jake said.

Several days after Catherine’s surgery, Peter appeared at Joe’s office. Seated in the office they sat quietly, each waiting for the other to speak first.

Peter said, “It’s time for us to face the reality, Joe. There are things that need to be addressed before Catherine … We need to prepare for whatever may happen.”

“It’s time for Dr. Michaels to know who she really is. She may never come out of this coma. She wanted to die with her own name,” Peter replied.

Joe looked surprised. It was the first time that anyone had said the “D” word. Everyone had carefully tiptoed around the possibility even though it constantly hung in the air. He nodded in agreement. He pulled an envelope out of his desk drawer and lay it on the desk. “She wanted me to deliver this to her son in case her surgery didn’t go well. I guess this applies. Although at the time I had no idea that my son-in-law was her son.”

Changing the subject Joe said, “If you are free this afternoon, I can try to set up a meeting with Dr. Michaels. I would prefer if you were present for that meeting.”

Standing in the ICU, Peter and Joe quietly watched Catherine’s steady breathing. The only sounds in the room were the regular beeping of the machines that were monitoring her vital signs. They had both agreed that it was best to have the meeting here so that Cathy could be present.

Carefully weaving his way through all of the tubes and wires that she was attached to, Joe went over to Catherine and held her hand. Leaning toward her he said, “Hey, Cathy, Peter and I are here to meet with Dr. Michaels. We thought you would want to be present for it. That way you can hear what we all have to say, okay?”

After a few moments he continued, “So this is the deal, Cathy. One of your aneurysms ruptured and so you had to have your surgery a few days early. You are in a coma. The doctor says you may have a long rehab ahead of you when you wake up. So we think it’s time for us to tell Dr. Michaels who you really are. I’m going to deliver your letter to Jake today too. I hope that’s all right with you.”

Joe stopped talking when he realized Peter’s interest. Addressing Peter, he asked, “What?”

Peter smiled. “Nothing. It’s just that I am so impressed with the way you and Jen are caring for her. You are true friends.”

Joe smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “She needs us, Peter. She has been through so much and yet she still hangs on. Where does she get the strength to survive all that she has?”

Peter replied, “I must say, I have wondered that myself. I don’t know, Joe. I don’t know.”

Just then Dr. Michaels arrived. Looking around he asked, “Am I interrupting?”

Joe came forward to shake his hand. “Thank you for meeting us here, Dr. Michaels. I know this seems strange, but we wanted Cathy to be present for this meeting.”

Joe took a deep breath and dove right in. “Dr. Michaels, I would like to introduce you to Catherine Chandler,” he said as he motioned toward Catherine. “We need you to change the name on all of her medical records. She came back to New York so that she could die with her own name. Hopefully she will wake up and get well … but in case she doesn’t … If the worst happens … she wants to die with her own name.”

Dr. Michaels was dismayed. “Catherine Chandler? You mean the one that has been all over the news? The one whose grave was just exhumed last week? Are you telling me that this woman is not Cici Chamberlain? Peter?”

Peter began to explain, “Mack, I’m sorry that we lied to you. But she needed medical attention right away. We didn’t have the time to wait to see if she was going to be able to get her identity back. I hope you understand.”

Dr. Michaels was quiet for a few minutes. At length he nodded and said, “You’re right, Peter. She would have died. I can’t condone the lie, Peter, but I certainly understand why you did it. I am going to need all of the paperwork to be filled out again. Who is going to take care of that?”

Joe spoke up. “If you can send all of the paperwork over to my office, I can take care of that.” He gave Dr. Michaels his card.

After Dr. Michaels left, Peter reached into his jacket and pulled out a brown envelope. He handed it to Joe saying, “Cathy left this on her dresser. It’s addressed to you.”

“I didn’t open it, Joe,” Peter answered. “I’m just the delivery man.”

Sitting alone in the dark, Catherine thought she heard voices. How long have I been here? she wondered. Most of the time she was alone with her confused thoughts. Sometimes she could feel someone take her hand in theirs. She thought it was Jen. Sometimes she could hear her crying. It was too dark to see anything. Why couldn’t she wake up? Why couldn’t she talk to them?

On the way back to the office, Joe went to Jake and Becka’s apartment. When no one answered the door he quietly slipped Catherine’s letter under the door.

Coming home from his shift at the hospital Jake noticed the envelope from his father-in-law’s law firm. It was addressed in long hand to Jacob Chandler Vincent. He sat down and opened it and began to read. It was dated July 26, 2014, the same day that Catherine had collapsed at the shelter. It read:

By now you probably know that I came back to New York and that my name is not Cici Chamberlain. My name is Catherine Chandler and I am your mother. I know that I have no right to call myself that, because I have never really been a mother to you. But that is still how I see myself. I am sorry that I didn’t have the courage to face you in person. I couldn’t bear to see the pain that all of this must be causing you.

If you have received this letter, it means that my surgery didn’t go well. I have made the necessary legal arrangements in the case of my death or severe debilitation. You are my only heir, Jake, whether you like it or not, and I need you to take responsibility for my estate and the Catherine Chandler Foundation. There are a lot of people who depend on it. Despite how you may feel about me, Jake, I trust that you will not let those people down. If you are unwilling or unable to take on the responsibility, just let my lawyer know and he will make other arrangements.

I want you to know that I have always loved you, Jake. Despite what you may believe, I have loved you from the moment I knew you were a possibility. Before that I loved the impossible dream of you. I seem to have a weakness for impossible dreams. The hardest thing I ever did was to leave you and your father. But I believed then as I do now that it was the only way to protect you both. Sometimes I thought that I might die from the ache. But I have learned over the years that for me, a broken heart is not fatal. Somehow it still went on beating. I’m not asking you to forgive me, Jake. But I do hope that someday you will come to understand why I made the choices I made.

In the meantime I have a huge request to make of you. You may feel that I have no right to ask anything of you, and that may be true, but I am not asking for myself, I am asking for Candy. I had to leave her behind in Thailand. I suppose that is the second hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I couldn’t stay there and let her see me die, and I couldn’t bring her with me. She is not mine after all, even though I love her as much as if she was. She haunts me, Jake. I can hear her crying in my dreams, and unlike you, I know she has no safe place in this world. I was her only safe place and now I am gone. She has no one to love her the way your father loved you. I’m asking you to help her in some way. She is so small and so helpless. I know that you are just one person Jake, and there are so many desperate people in this world. I’m asking you to find it in your heart to change Candy’s world if you can. She’s alone in the dark, Jake. Will you light a candle in her darkness? The Catherine Chandler Foundation supports the orphanage where she lives. You have the resources of the Foundation behind you. Use them however you need to.

My lawyer is Joe Maxwell. Take this letter to him and he will answer any questions you may have.

I am so proud of the man you have become, Jake. You have your father’s heart. Please know that I am eternally sorry for all that we have never shared and the relationship that we never had. All of my memories of you are only from my dreams, except for the short time we spoke last spring in Chiang Mai. It was a precious gift and I cherish it.

When Becka got home she found Jake sitting silently on the couch in the evening dusk, staring out of the window. She sat next to him and slipped the letter from his grasp. After reading it she quietly took his hand and laid her head on his shoulder. They sat like that until the long after the sunset and the room became dark.

Back in his office, Joe took the envelope that Peter had given him out of his jacket and lay it on his desk. For some reason he was reluctant to open it. It felt like there was a book inside. He had a feeling he knew what book it was. Finally he picked up his letter opener and slit the top. Dumping the contents on the desk, out fell an envelope addressed to him and a black book. Opening the book immediately confirmed his suspicion. It was “the book” … The book that had gotten Patrick Hanlan killed. The book that he had given to Cathy all those years ago. The book that had ultimately ruined her life. He dropped it back onto the desk. It lay there staring up at him, accusing him, convicting him. He put it back into the envelope and locked it in his desk drawer. Then picking up the envelope addressed to him, he opened it. It was from Cathy.

The night you asked me if I knew what had become of the evidence you had given me all those years ago, I told you that I hadn’t seen it since I was kidnapped. At the time what I said was technically true. But it wasn’t the whole truth, Joe. I did know where it was, but at the time I had not decided what to do with it. My true desire was to incinerate it and try to forget it had ever existed. But it did exist and ultimately I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. I don’t know why. It’s hard to believe that such a small insignificant looking thing could have the power to destroy so many lives. But it did. Maybe it still does, I don’t know. But I can’t keep it safe anymore, Joe, so I am giving it to you. I trust that you will know what to do with it. Whether you put it in a safe place, whether you burn it or whether you take it to the police, I trust you. But whatever you do, Joe, please be careful. I can’t bear the thought of anyone else being hurt because of it. Especially people that I love.

I know that you blame yourself for what happened to me, Joe. I want you to stop. You couldn’t have known what the investigation would lead too. We were only doing what we always did. We were doing our jobs. How could either of us have imagined anyone or anything like Gabriel? I know that if we could go back in time that you would change places with me. But I wouldn’t, Joe. I would never exchange my happiness for yours or for Jen’s. Could I accept that happiness knowing that it would cost you yours? I am so happy that two people that I love so dearly have found happiness together. So stop feeling guilty, Joe. It won’t change anything anyway. You are guilty of nothing except being a true and treasured friend. Now go home, Joe and hold Jen in your arms and cherish every moment of that happiness. It’s a precious gift.

Joe sat at his desk and stared at the letter for a long time. Finally he nodded, folded the letter, put it back into the envelope and locked it in the desk with the book. Then he went home, he took Jen in his arms … and he cherished her …

The next morning as Jake was sitting in Joe Maxwell’s Law Offices he realized he had never been there before. What do I really know about the Maxwell’s anyway? he wondered. The shock of what had happened in the last several days had him questioning everything he had ever believed and everyone he had ever known. He wasn’t sure what was true anymore and what was just the world as he had wanted to believe it was. Everything seemed so strange. He was still reeling in a fog of pain, anger, confusion and guilt. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to accept the responsibility of the Catherine Chandler Foundation. But the letter said that Joe would answer any questions that he had. And he certainly had a lot of questions.

As he entered Joe’s office Joe very formally extended his hand to shake it. “Good morning, Jake,” was all Joe said. They were both clearly uncomfortable. Finally Joe said, “Please sit down, Jake.” He motioned toward the couch on the opposite side of the office from the desk. He was trying to make Jake as comfortable as possible.

As they sat down Jake held up the letter he had received. “I received this letter from your office yesterday. I assume you already know what’s in it?” Jake said.

Joe was quick to reply, “Actually, Jake, I don’t know what’s in it. Cathy didn’t want anyone to know who her son was unless it was absolutely necessary. She felt that if anyone knew who her son was that you wouldn’t be safe. She said it had to be your choice. She thought you would be safer that way.”

Joe didn’t even know where to start to answer that. He said, “it’s kind of complicated Jake. But I believed her concerns had merit. So I went along with it.”

“In the letter she says that you will answer any questions that I might have. Is that true?” Jake wasn’t sure any more what was true.

Joe answered, “I will certainly try, Jake. Do you mind if I read the letter first? So we can have the same point of reference?”

Jake handed him the letter. As Joe read the letter he was clearly choked up. It had been a very emotional few days for Joe and Jen as well. He nodded and handed the letter back to Jake. “Who is Candy?” he asked.

Jake was taken aback by the question. “I came here to ask the questions not to answer them,” he snapped.

Trying to be patient Joe backed off. Changing the subject Joe began again. “Jake, your mother made arrangements …”

Jake snapped back again, “Joe, please don’t call her that. She isn’t my mother. I have never had a mother. She gave birth to me and then she walked away. That’s it.”

Joe nodded. “All right, Jake.” He began again. “It’s Cathy’s desire that you be made the executor of her estate and the director of the Catherine Chandler Foundation as long as she is unable to fulfill those responsibilities herself. Are you willing to do that?”

Jake was clearly frustrated. “I don’t know. I can’t answer that yet,” he said shaking his head and raking his hand through his hair. “The truth is, I came here because her letter said you would answer any questions I had.”

He got up and went to the window. Looking out the window he said, “Right now, all I have is questions.” He was quiet for a few minutes and then continued, “You know those glass snow globes that you wind the key on the bottom and shake and snow falls gently down on a perfect world inside while you listen to a pretty little tune?”

Joe nodded but Jake didn’t see him, he just continued. “A week ago, that was my life. All the pieces were perfectly in place.” He stopped for a moment. “I feel like someone has dropped my entire world on the floor and it’s shattered into a million pieces. And I’ve only just realized that it was never real to begin with.”

Joe was at a loss for what to say to him. Finally he said, “Jake, why don’t you come back and sit down and together we can try to figure it out okay?”

Joe tried again, “Why don’t we start first with what you still know is real? You know that Becka loves you right?”

Joe exhaled, “Okay then, that’s your starting point, Jake. I will answer whatever questions I can for you. But there are some things that your mo… that Cathy wouldn’t talk about with anyone. So I might not have all of the answers.”

Jake nodded. He gathered his thoughts for a moment and then began. “How long have you known that I was her son?”

Joe answered, “Since the other day at the hospital. Before that I had no clue.”

Joe was relieved to have an easy question. He answered, “We worked together for 2 years in the District Attorney’s office before … what happened.”

“Whoah!” Joe sat up in shock and said, “No. No we were just good friends.”

Joe smiled at the memory of Catherine so long ago. He said, “Jake, Cathy was one of those people that made everyone she was with feel like they were the most important person in the world. It was impossible not to love her. But she was never interested in me. We were just good friends.”

Joe could answer that. “They were best friends since college. More like sisters really.”

Jake nodded thoughtfully then asked, “How long have you known she was alive?”

Joe could feel Jake’s eyes on him. He recalled his reaction when she came into his office the first time. “Peter brought her here to my office a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t react very well. I thought it was some kind of sick joke. It brought back the memories … the incredible pain of her murder. I practically kicked them out of my office.”

Jake jumped up out of his seat. “Aaaauuuuughh!!!! Why do people keep saying that? SHE WASN’T MURDERED!” His face was red with anger, and his fists were clenched. “She has been pretending to be dead for 25 years. People keep saying she was murdered. She has been lying for all these years. Why am I the only one who is angry about that?”

Joe sat quietly for a few minutes to give Jake time to calm down. Finally he spoke, “Jake, you said you wanted answers. I’m trying to give you answers. But none of them are simple and the truth is not going to be easy to hear. Do you want the truth or not?”

From the window, Jake took a deep breath and replied, “Yes I want the truth.”

“Come sit behind my desk, Jake. There are some things you need to see.” Joe invited him with the patience only a father would have. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened a locked drawer in his desk and pulled out a pile of file folders. “These are the files I have from the investigation into her kidnapping and death. I nearly destroyed myself and my career trying to figure it all out. I’ll sit over here and if you have any questions, feel free …” With that Joe sat down across the desk and waited.

Jake spread the files out in front of him. Each one was clearly labeled. Catherine Chandler, Patrick Hanlan, Elliot Burch, John Moreno. Jake’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the last folder. The last one bore only the name Vincent followed by a large question mark. He wasn’t sure which one to open first.

Jake opened it and read the report. He looked at photographs of the explosion that almost killed Joe. He saw photos of Joe’s injuries.

Turning to Joe again, Jake asked, “I don’t understand. What does this have to do with Catherine Chandler?”

Joe replied, “Patrick Hanlan[2] was where it all started Jake. I gave Cathy a piece of evidence about the case. Her investigation is what led to her kidnapping. It’s my fault Jake. If I hadn’t given her that piece of evidence, you probably would have grown up with a mother.”

Jake looked at Joe and said, “You couldn’t possibly have known what would happen.”

Joe shook his head and said, “Those were her exact words last week in this very office. So why do I still feel like I ruined her life? If it wasn’t for me she could have lived happily ever after with your father and you. But she doesn’t blame me either.”

The last words hung in the air. Jake finally replied, “’Happily ever after’ is for fairy tales Joe. There are no fairy tales.” He turned and picked up the next folder.

A burned hotel. Over 200 people dead.[3] There were photographs of what looked like a burned out boat. “How does this Elliot Burch fit into this?” he asked.

Joe was forthcoming, “Cathy dated him for a while. I think they were pretty serious. But something happened that ended it. He was still in love with her though. He was investigating her disappearance and then her death. It got him killed.”

Jake felt like the air in the room was getting oppressive. He was beginning to wonder if he really wanted the answers after all. But his desire for the truth prevailed and he opened the next file on John Moreno. When he got to the photographs of Moreno’s dead body at the Central Park carousel, he froze. The autopsy said his wounds were consistent with a mauling by a wild animal. Jake wondered …

He held his breath as picked up the “Vincent” file and slowly opened it. There wasn’t much in it. A smudged fingerprint. Copies of inscriptions from books written in his father’s hand. A handmade invitation to a concert. A photograph of a chunk of cement with the name “Vincent” carved into it. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Finally he opened the Catherine Chandler file. He was met by an old photograph of her.

She was young and beautiful. She looked happy. Jake could see why people loved her. There were newspaper articles. One showing her with her face slashed. He knew from his father that that was when he and Catherine had met. He looked at the crime scene photos of her “death”. Photos of people who attended her funeral. Jake recognized some of them, Pascal, Father, Mouse, Cullen and others, and wondered what Joe knew about them.

Feeling overwhelmed Jake began to breathe deeply and slowly. He closed his eyes and bowed his head over the desk while raking his hands through his hair as if he were going to pull it out.

When Jake finally spoke, he asked, “These crime scene photos at her apartment … is that really her in the pictures?”

“I’m sure, Jake. I was there. I saw her myself. It was the worst day of my life.”

“How did she do it, Joe? How did she convince everyone that she was dead?” Jake asked.

Joe looked at Jake in disbelief. “She didn’t ‘do it’ Jake! It was done to her! You can’t possibly believe she was part of that?”

Jake looked squarely at Joe and said, “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “You know, Jake, you are so full of self-righteous anger at Cathy for lying all these years. But she isn’t the only one who lies, is she?”

Jake backed up a little and looked at Joe with a confused expression on his face.

Joe reached into the pile of pictures and pulled out the photo of Father and laid it down on the desk. Then he picked up one of the photos of Catherine and laid it next to the first one. And then he picked up the photo of Vincent’s name and laid it down with the other two. He put his finger on the first photo and said, “Jacob”[4]. When he placed his finger on the second photo, he said, “Chandler”. And then he rested his finger on the last photo and said with emphasis, “VINCENT”

Joe laughed a little and shook his head and said, “I feel so stupid! I can’t believe that I never made the connection before.”

Jake could feel his face getting hot. Joe was getting uncomfortably close to his secrets.

Joe spread out the photos from Catherine’s file of the people who attended her funeral and asked, “Do you know who any of these people are, Jake?”

Joe quietly asked, “You’ve lied to us, Jake. Have you lied to my daughter?”

Jake jumped out of the chair and said, “NO! No Sir, I have not lied to Becka. She knows everything … everything about me.”

Joe suddenly had a flash back to a day years ago when Catherine had said those exact words[5] to him. He said, “Huh … un … be… lievable … you are so much like her, it’s spooky.”

Joe stood in front of him. “We are NOT done here, Jake. You said you wanted the truth. Sit back down.”

As Joe pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and put it in his computer he said, “No, there are still some things you need to see.”

Jake was silent as he watched Joe’s first interview of Catherine. He recognized the face of the woman he had met in Thailand. The woman who was now laying in the hospital in a coma. As he listened, he was especially interested in the things she said after the interview when she thought the camera was turned off …

He heard her say, “What am I doing? I’ve spent the last 25 years trying to protect the people that I love and now I am putting them all in danger. I don’t think I can do this. They don’t deserve this.”

And then as she spoke to Joe, and she said, “Joe, I’m not sure I want to move forward with this.”

Jake watched as Joe spoke softly and encouragingly to her saying, “Hey, Cathy, I know this is hard, but what the people you love deserve is to have you back. They deserve to know the truth. You deserve to have your identity back. You deserve to have your life back. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. There is no reason to believe there is still any danger.”

Jake could feel something within him soften as he heard the pain and doubt in her voice and saw the longing in her eyes as she said, “How can they ever want me back? How can they ever forgive? It’s going to cause so much pain, Joe.” … Jake watched as she raked her hands through her hair (much the way he did in times of stress) as she said, “All I wanted to do was to die with my own name. I didn’t want to cause any more pain. There has already been too much pain." Jake thought it sounded like she was talking more to herself than to anyone in the room.

As Jake watched the second interview with the Police Chief he leaned in close to the screen as the camera went in close up to the scar on Catherine’s wrist.

Jake watched in amazement as he saw the face of his childhood angel standing by a window looking out at the world. She looked so sad. Then with keen interest as he witnessed his own birth. And then with horror as he watched Catherine be branded and taunted. He recognized the stony expression on her face as Gabriel taunted her. He had seen it just a few days ago as he had berated her in Becka’s office. The voice of her tormentor sounded vaguely familiar. And then … when Gabriel’s sinister face appeared on the screen, Jake cried out in terror and jumped out of his seat so fast that he fell backwards over the chair, landing in a heap on the floor behind the desk. Scrambling to his feet, he ran to a far corner of the room as if he was being chased by a demon.

Joe went after him. When he reached Jake, he was huddled in the corner trembling and shaking his head back and forth. Looking at Joe, he said, “That’s not real. That can’t be real. It’s not real.”

Jake spoke gently to him. “It is real, Jake. The branding iron was in the casket with the video. Her DNA was on it.”

Jake began sobbing uncontrollably. Joe reached down and put his arms around Jake. Jake held on to him until he could get control of himself. After a few minutes he ran over to the desk and unceremoniously deposited his breakfast into Joe’s wastebasket. He sat back in Joe’s chair and closed his eyes. After taking a couple of deep breaths he said, “I always thought that man was a figment of my imagination. Who is he?”

Surprised by the question, Joe asked, “You recognize that man? NO WAY, Jake, that is not possible.”

Jake explained, “That face … that face has haunted my dreams ever since I can remember. Ever since I was little. I’ve always called him, ‘the bad man’. Sometimes he has gashes across his face.” As he described him he held his hand up to his left cheek. “I didn’t know he was real. Does he have a name? Who is he?”

Joe was stunned but answered, “His name is Gabriel. He’s responsible for all of this ... death.” as he indicated the files of death and destruction strewn across the desk.

Joe answered, “Burning in Hell is my best guess. He was shot and killed by a police officer named Diana Bennett.”

“Are you okay, Jake?” Joe was clearly concerned about Jake. “Look, I’m really sorry, but you wanted to know the truth.”

Jake put up his hand and shook his head, “It’s all right, Joe. I’ll be all right. Is that it? Is that everything?” he asked.

“That’s all I’ve got. There could be more, but I don’t have it,” Joe said.

Then Joe asked, “Jake, is my daughter in any danger? Is your father dangerous?”

“No Sir, my father is a good man. Sir, I promise you, I would never put Becka in any danger. I love her,” Jake assured him.

Jake was slow to answer. Finally he said, “I’m sorry, Sir, I can’t tell you any more than that. Maybe someday, but right now …” he shook his head and said, “… I can’t”

Joe nodded and said, “In Cathy’s words … ‘I am choosing to trust you’, Jake. Don’t make me regret it. All right?”

“I won’t, Sir,” Jake said. And then he asked, “About the Foundation, Sir. If I accept the responsibility … what would it involve?”

Joe put his arm around Jake’s shoulder and said, “You know, Jake, I think you have had enough for one day. Don’t you? Go home and take it easy. We can talk tomorrow. Maybe there will be more news about Cathy by then.”

Jake just nodded and obediently left the office. But he didn’t go home. He wandered the city streets for hours. Eventually he found himself sitting on a bench in Central Park watching the people passing by, going on with their lives as if nothing had happened. How was it possible, he wondered, that my whole world could implode and no one noticed?

At some point he made his way to the hospital. Standing at the foot of her bed, watching her hooked up to monitors and IVs and a feeding tube, he wondered if she was cold. He approached the bed to cover her with a blanket. As he gently lifted her hands from beneath the covers he turned her hand over and exposed the scar on her wrist. He froze for a moment and recalled the video. He immediately dropped her hand as if it might burn him. He watched her for a few more minutes and then turned to leave.

Catherine lay in the dark listening to the constant rhythmic sounds around her. She felt someone enter her darkness. She thought it was Jake, but she couldn’t see. He made no sounds, but he was her son and she could feel the pain that he was in. For a moment she thought she felt him touch her arm and then he let go and she was alone.

Becka was distraught by the time Jake got home. She knew from her father that he had left his office and headed for home hours before. She had called and texted him several times, but he hadn’t picked up or responded all day. When he walked through the door she flew into his arms. At first he was too numb to respond and then, like a drowning man he grabbed on to the only thing he had left in his world that he knew was real. He cried himself to sleep in her arms.

[1] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 22 “The Rest Is Silence”

[2] Beauty and the Beast Season 3 Episode 1 “Though Lovers Be Lost” Part 1

[3] Beauty and the Beast Season 3 Episode 1 “Though Lovers Be Lost”

[4] Beauty and the Beast Season 3 Episode 9 “Invictus” There is a scene in this episode where Jacob Wells appears at the District Attorney’s Office and introduces himself to Joe Maxwell.

[5] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 15 “The Watcher”