Unbreakable by Barbara Handshy Anderson (Section 9)

Catherine returned to her chamber. She had to get away from them. She was terrified that she would lose control of the storm of pain that was threatening to destroy her. It was taking all of her strength and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could do it. Alone in her room she could think.

I need to get away. She thought frantically, I need to get far away from Vincent before it crushes us both. I can’t hold it back much longer.

She sat huddled on the bed, leaning against the headboard. I don’t have anywhere to go. I don’t have a passport anymore. I can’t even get to my money without telling Peter or Joe. She sighed in exasperation, They would never let me go. She thought, How can I travel when I can’t even speak?

She sat there, alone in her chamber, trembling under the weight of it. And then the answer came, Of course! There is a place. I can go there without money or a passport. I won’t even need to speak. Vincent had given her the answer years ago. Yes, she thought, that is what I’ll do.

Vincent came into Catherine’s dimly lit chamber. At first he didn’t see her there. Where the warmth of their connection had been, only a few short hours before, there was only a cold gaping emptiness. It filled him with dread. Then he spotted her. She was sitting huddled among the pillows at the head of the bed.

He could see her nodding, but the expression on her face did not change. Was it just this morning that I stood in this very spot and watched her face light up with joy when she saw me? he asked himself. Was it just this morning that she walked smiling into my arms and made me feel complete? Now she seems as lost and alone as she was the night I found her in the cemetery.

Walking over to the bed, he stood near the edge. “I’m sorry, Catherine. I shouldn’t have let her come,” he said, “I was worried that something like this might happen.”

And looking him in the eyes she shook her head as if to say, “It isn’t your fault.”

Hold me. You can hold me one last time, Vincent, she thought. Perhaps it will give me the strength to do what I need to do. But she knew she couldn’t write that. He would never let me go. So she pulled him toward her until he was sitting next to her on the bed and she leaned exhausted into his arms.

Vincent thought he understood what she was asking. He didn’t need words. He pulled her close and enveloped her in his arms.

Soon he could feel her breathing become slow and even as she fell asleep cocooned in his embrace. He was thankful that she was willing to let him so close. But the emptiness in his heart where she had been just that morning was still there. And the feeling of dread persisted. Hours later when she turned in her sleep, he reached for a quilt to cover her and went back to his chamber.

Vincent slept a little later that usual the next morning. When he entered Catherine’s chamber she wasn’t there, so he headed for the dining hall to meet her there.

“Late again? I can’t hold food aside for you and Catherine every day, Vincent,” William gently scolded as he placed two plates on the table. “If the two of you really want to eat, you will need to get here when it’s served.”

Vincent was instantly concerned. He stood and said, “I must have missed her, I’ll be back in a few minutes, William.”

“Catherine?” Vincent said as he entered her chamber. There was no answer. Vincent was afraid to breathe. All he could feel of her was the emptiness inside of him where she had been. He could feel his pulse quicken as panic spread its icy fingers around his heart. Her room seemed the same as it had been the night before. Looking closer though he discovered that her “tunnel clothing” was laying across the end of the bed. Her duffle bag was open on the couch but her backpack was gone. Vincent sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Catherine, where are you?” That’s then he saw it, the wilted rose that he had left for her yesterday. Underneath it was a piece of paper that had been torn out of her note pad. Dearest Vincent, it began. His hand was shaking as he picked it up and read.

There are no words to express to you what a precious gift these last few months have been. I had almost stopped believing that life held anything so sweet and beautiful for me. I told you in the beginning, Vincent, that I had nothing to offer you but pain. I wish now that you had heeded my warnings. These past months have been a welcome respite from the pain I have tried to suppress for so long. I foolishly hoped that I was finally free of it. But tonight it has returned, like a threatening avalanche. I’m tired, Vincent. I don’t think I have the strength to hold it back any longer. I can feel it bearing down on me, threatening to destroy me in its path. The reality of what I am and the pain that I have caused horrifies and shames me. Soon it will sweep over me and I will be crushed under its weight. But I can’t let it destroy you too. I pray that it hasn’t already destroyed Jacob. I need to get as far away from you as I can to spare you from it. Somewhere you can never find me. Please don’t try to find me, Vincent. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Vincent froze as he read her note. He read it over several times, trying without success to find a hidden message within her words. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He came to himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder and a voice say, “Vincent?” Slowly looking up he saw Father standing beside him. William, Mary, Pascal and Mouse were standing near the entrance to the room looking worried.

Vincent handed the note to Father and lay his head in his hands. “I don’t know, Father. I don’t know where she is.”

After reading it, Father handed the note back to Vincent and asked, “But your connection? I thought it had returned. Can’t you follow that?”

“No, Father. It’s gone,” Vincent answered in exasperation. “Last night …. She is in so much pain …. She is trying to protect me from it. I don’t know how she has the strength to do it. But she is doing it. I have no sense of her at all.”

“Do you have any idea where she might have gone? What would you like us to do?” Father asked.

“I’m not sure” Vincent said, looking around the room. “She is wearing her top sider clothes. So that could mean she has gone above. But she has left most of her belongings behind. Her backpack is missing though.”

“Surely if she is still here in the tunnels we will be able to find her,” Father said. “We can send everyone out to look for her.”

“Thank you, Father. I think we should send word to Peter right away. If she is above, she will need help. She will either go to him or to Joe.” Vincent directed, “Mouse can you deliver a message to Peter?”

Turning to Pascal, Vincent asked, “Pascal, can you send word out on the pipes that Catherine is missing? Ask everyone to keep their eyes open for her in case she is still here below?”

Pascal nodded. “Yes, Vincent, I can do that. Don’t worry, Vincent, we’ll find her.”

Vincent nodded. “Mary, I need you and Father to stay in Father’s chamber and direct everyone. You can keep track of what places have been searched and where everyone is going. The last thing we want is for anyone to get hurt or lost while we are looking for her. And when word comes from Peter we can decide where to go from there.”

“Yes, Father and I can do that. Try not to worry, Vincent,” she said as she turned to leave.

William was the only one left. He stood waiting for Vincent’s request. “What can I do?”

“William, without you in the kitchen we will all be in trouble. I need you to make sure everyone is fed and taken care of. Can you do that?” Vincent asked.

William nodded, “Yes, Vincent, I can definitely do that. But you haven’t eaten yet.”

William wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for and answer. “Vincent, you just gave me a job, and now you won’t let me do it. You won’t be of any help to Catherine if you make yourself sick. Now, before you do anything, you are coming with me and you are going to eat something,” he said sternly.

Vincent couldn’t help but smile a little. He stood up and put his arms around William’s shoulders. “I knew you were the man for the job, William.” And they turned and walked to the kitchen together.

Vincent was too restless to sit and wait for news. While he waited he went to every place in the tunnels that he and Catherine had shared. He went to the mirror pool. He searched the tunnels under the stage in central park, the Chamber of the Falls. With each place that he didn’t find her, his heart became heavier and heavier. He even went down to the Great Hall. The darkness and the silence there mocked him and the wind accused him, “You failed her, Vincent. You failed her,” it whispered repeatedly.

Returning to her chamber, despair weighed heavy on his shoulders. He sat on the edge of her bed with his head in his hands and groaned, “Catherine. Where are you, Catherine?”

Looking up he tried to focus through his tears. I took moment for him to recognize who was standing there. Could it be …? “Peter? Joe? Jen?” he asked.

“Sorry, Vincent,” Mouse piped up. “Mouse didn’t know what to do. Peter said ‘take us down’. Not supposed to bring strangers down.” Mouse sounded worried. “Father will be mad. Is Vincent mad? Peter made Mouse bring them.”

Vincent placed his hand on Mouse’s shoulder. “It’s all right, Mouse. They are friends. They love Catherine. And they love Jacob and Rebecka. Don’t worry. Go ask Father to join us here.” Mouse nodded enthusiastically and turned to leave.

Turning to Peter, Vincent said, “She hasn’t come above. If she had, you wouldn’t have come down here.” He looked up to the ceiling in despair.

Peter reached out to him and said, “It’s going to be all right, Vincent. Let’s sit down and you can tell us what happened.”

As they sat around the table, Vincent explained to them all that had happened when Diana had come to the tunnels the night before.

“I could tell she had made a decision. I could see the resolve in her eyes. It struck fear in my heart, but I didn’t know what the decision was,” Vincent said resting his head again in his hands.

“Vincent, she loves you and she knows you love her,” Jen said, “I could see that much when she woke up in the hospital.”

Then Joe asked, “You don’t think she would do anything … like …?” He couldn’t finish the thought.

Peter caught his meaning, “No, Joe, no. She wouldn’t do that. She could have done that at any time in the last 25 years and no one would have known. She wouldn’t do that… to Vincent.” His voice trailed off.

Vincent spoke without looking up. “She believes it is going to kill her … the pain … I’m afraid it will too .... It almost succeeded once already. She believes that if she shares it with me … that it will kill me too. She doesn’t understand that my life is over without her in it anyway.”

“Vincent,” Father and Mary had entered Catherine’s chamber. Vincent looked up with cautious hope as Father came over to him. “All of the searchers have returned, Vincent. They have looked everywhere … even as far down as the catacombs.” Father shook his head. “Do you have any idea, Vincent? Any idea at all?”

Vincent stood up. “No, Father. I have no sense of her at all. I have to find her myself. She is here somewhere and I can’t leave her alone with this. I won’t come back until I find her, Father.”

“But, Vincent, all of the Upper Tunnels have been searched. She isn’t here,” Father said.

“SHE IS, FATHER! She is here … somewhere. She has to be,” Vincent said. “I won’t fail her again … I can’t fail her again.”

“I suppose all we can do is go back up top and wait. If she is up there, hopefully she will come to one of us.” Peter stood as if to head back.

Joe took Peter’s cue and stood. “I guess Peter’s right. C’mon, Jen, let’s go.” He held out his hand to her.

Jen continued to sit, “JOSEPH MAXWELL! I … AM … NOT … GOING ANYWHERE! I am not budging from this spot until I see Cathy’s … beautiful face come walking through that … that … whatever that is,” she said pointing to the chamber entrance. “You go on, Joe. You too, Peter. I’m sure I will be just fine right here.” At this point she was fighting back tears.

Peter nodded. “All right then. I will go back up and wait there in case she turns up there. I’ll go find Mouse to guide me.” He embraced Father on his way out and said, “We are getting too old for this, my friend.”

Mary put her arms around Jen and said, “Everything will be fine dear. Would you like me to bring you some tea?”

Vincent once again searched all of the places that he could think of in the upper tunnels. He was almost beside himself with worry by the time he came to the Chamber of the Winds. He stood there on the bridge, looking at all the possible ways she could have gone. Perhaps he might hear an echo in the wind that could tell him which way to go or where to look for her.

He silently willed, Call out to me, Catherine. CALL OUT TO ME! So that I may hear. Scream my name! He stood there for several minutes turning this way and that, until his knees buckled under the weight of his grief and despair and he wept as he groaned her name.

“Catherine.” He looked upward and roared into the wind, “WHAT KIND OF A GOD ARE YOU?” he cried, “WAS THIS THE PLAN? TO GIVE HER BACK TO ME, ONLY TO RIP HER FROM ME AGAIN? HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH? NO GOD COULD BE THAT CRUEL! HELP ME!”

Through his sobs he quietly begged, “Help me. Help me find her!” After weeping for a time he stood and roared her name into the Abyss. “CATTTTTTTTHERRRRRRRINNNNE! His roar reverberated through every corner of the tunnels. All of the tunnel dwellers stopped in their tracks as they heard his anguish echoing off the walls and through the tunnels. His cries pierced the hearts of all who heard them.

As he wept there on his knees, even the incessant echoes of lost conversations ceased for a moment at the sound of his agony. And then he heard it, like a whisper in the wind. It was her voice, but the way it had sounded years ago…

“They would never find me.” Vincent spoke with resolve, “I would vanish … bury myself deep inside the earth …”

“They would never find me. I would vanish … bury myself deep inside the earth …”

He felt a flicker of light, a flicker of hope. Reaching into his cloak, he pulled out the note that she had left and read it again. Yes, there it was, the hidden message.

She had written, “I need to get as far away from you as I can to spare you from it. Somewhere you can never find me.”

“Catherine” he whispered. “Of course … somewhere I can never find you … deep inside the earth.”

Somewhere deep in the tunnels, Catherine heard it too, Vincent’s anguished cry as he called her name. His scream resonated through her and pierced her heart like a knife. She leaned against the wall for support. She could feel the years of pain she had suppressed, that she had denied, beginning to roll over her. She could feel its weight beginning to crush her and when she heard him call out her name, something in her, something that was beyond her ability to control, tore its way to the surface and she heard herself scream out his name in return. “VINNNNNCENNNNT!” At first she didn’t even realize that the cry had come from her. Then she felt something within her burst and the flood was upon her. She tried to stop it. She took deep breaths and stumbled forward. She needed to find a place where he wouldn’t find her. He couldn’t find her … not like this … not like this …

At the same moment that Vincent had realized Catherine intended to bury herself deep in the tunnels, he heard it. Her scream was as filled with pain and anguish as his had been. He whipped around from side to side as it came up from the abyss as his name bounced off the sides of the cavern.

Where did it come from? he wondered. “Catherine, where are you?” He called out in desperation, “Where are you?” And then he felt it. For a moment it took his breath away. He could feel her pain washing over him. The floodgates were open and he knew that she had lost control of her emotions … and he knew … where she was!

Vincent headed as fast as he could to the lower tunnels. The flame of his torch flickered wildly as he passed the Great Hall. He needed to keep it lit as he headed for the catacombs. It was so dark in the lower tunnels that even Vincent needed to light his way with a torch.

“I’m coming, Catherine. I’m coming,” he whispered. As he neared the cave where she was, he began to realize where he was. “Catherine, why would you come here?” he wondered. “Why would you come to this horrible place? Do you realize where you have come?”

He slowly made his way down the long narrow tunnel. As he came out of the tunnel into the cave, he breathed a sigh of relief.

There she was, sitting alone in that terrible dark cave. She was sitting there watching the flame of a single candle on the floor in front of her absently rubbing her wrist as if the scar still caused her pain.

Vincent stood very still watching her for several minutes. She hardly moved, but he could feel the tsunami of emotion that was washing over her. He could see the tears silently coursing down her face. He could feel that she was sinking in the sea of pain that she had held at bay so well for so many years. Vincent wanted to swim out to her and pull her safely to the shores of his love. He wanted to save her, the way she had saved him so long ago in this frightful place. But he was afraid to move or to startle her in any way. Finally he decided to move toward her as quietly as he could. He sat down on the floor behind her. When she didn’t pull away, he put his arms around her and gently took her hand in his and lightly rubbed the scar.

Resting his chin on her shoulder he whispered, “This scar is meaningless, Catherine. He doesn’t own you,” he whispered. “He never did. You could never belong to him, because we already belonged to each other. Nothing … he did could ever change that. He knew that in the end.”

Catherine had not recoiled from Vincent’s touch. But she didn’t seem to acknowledge him either. Vincent could feel that she was still trying to shut him out, to keep him from feeling her pain.

“I promised your father that I would protect you, Catherine, and watch over you and love you ‘til my last breath.[2] It’s time for me to keep that promise,” Vincent said.

“I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THIS. If it crushes you, Catherine … then it must crush us both. My life is meaningless without you anyway. When you died, Father told me to let the pain crush me, to let it sweep me away. He promised me that it would bring me back[3]… he was right, Catherine, it did. You and I have come too far. We have endured too much … to give up now. Let me help you. Let’s let it sweep us away … together. Our love for each other WILL bring us back.

“… Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
…But bears it out … even to the edge of doom.

“I love you Catherine. I have loved you every minute of every day from the very first moment I saw you. I will always love you, Catherine. ALWAYS.”

He could feel her trembling as if an earthquake within her was shaking her to the very foundation. She leaned back against him for support. His arms enveloped her as the sobs came from deep within her. He could feel the pain that she had suppressed for so long ripping its way out of her. They sat there like that for a long time, in the dim light of the cave, weeping together as the waves of memories washed over them. Memories of love and joy and memories of terror, loneliness, pain, and regret.

Finally, as the flood of pain subsided, Catherine began to look around her as if she had just realized where she really was. The silence was finally broken by Catherine. “This is where it began,” she said.

Vincent was startled to hear her voice. She had barely spoken a word in the months that she had been here in the tunnels. He had begun to think that she might never be able to speak again. He softly replied, “Where what began?”

“The death of my dreams,” she said. “This is where I came face to face with …” Her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

Vincent thought he understood what she was going to say and finished her sentence. “… where you came face to face with what I really am.” His voice was tinged with regret.

Catherine shook her head. She lifted her hand up to his face and stroked it gently and said, “NO. No, Vincent. Where I came face to face with what I really am, with what I had done to you. What I had the power to do. How my love had tortured you.”

Vincent tightened his embrace and whispered, “What do you mean, ‘what you really are’? Catherine, there is nothing but GOOD in you. What happened to me, what happened to us, was NOT your fault. If anything, it was you, it was your love that kept it at bay for so long. It was your courage, and your love that carried me through it.”

Catherine began to shake her head as Vincent continued, “There is no need to be sorry. Catherine, you had the courage to love me. Do you have any idea what that meant to me? You had the courage to come into this dark place alone and you saved me. You have spent the last 25 years trying to protect me … and our son. The sacrifices you have made … Catherine … you have given me more than you can ever know. You’ve sacrificed enough. It’s time for you to stop. You can stop … now.”

She opened one of his hands and began tracing the burn scars from Gabriel’s cage. Vincent knew that she blamed herself for that too. He said, “That wasn’t your fault either.”

She shook her head and said, “If you had never known me, Vincent …. If Elliot had never known me …. How many people are dead because of me?”

He tried to explain, “You are wrong, Catherine. No one… NO ONE is dead because of you. What happened to us … all of it, was done by evil men. You had no control over that.”

As he gazed into the flame of the candle he continued, “For years, when I close my eyes at night, I’ve seen a lone flame fighting against the wind. I’ve always wondered what it meant … what it was. Now I think I know.”

After a brief silence Catherine asked, “I’ve seen it too. What do you think it is?”

Vincent answered, “It’s you, Catherine. There is a light in you that shines into the lives of everyone you know. Even when I believed you were dead, when you were hiding, I could still see your light. Good and evil exist in this world, just like light and darkness. Evil men like Paracelsus, like Gabriel tried to destroy you because you shined your light into that darkness and they hated you for it. Elliot Burch was drawn to your light just like I was. He loved you even when you didn’t return that love because he needed your light to lead him out of the dark. He knew that he was a better man because of you.”

“I am a better man because of you. You led me out of the dark, Catherine. Even Gabriel was drawn to your light. That’s why he couldn’t kill you, as evil as he was, he was drawn in by your light and he hated it at the same time. He couldn’t merely kill you, he wanted to watch that light in you die. He wanted to see you standing alone in the dark. He wanted to break you, but you wouldn’t break.”

Catherine closed her eyes and breathed deeply. “No one is unbreakable, Vincent. I feel so broken.”

“It’s true that part of you is broken. I can feel that too. But there is something deep within the heart of you Catherine … something strong … stronger than anything I have ever known or ever seen. What you have endured Catherine is … truly unbelievable. There is something in you that is unbreakable.”

They sat in a silent embrace for a while before Vincent asked, “Are you ready to go back?”

She nodded. As they attempted to get up off the floor they both realized that they couldn’t move. Catherine began to laugh softly.

She answered with a chuckle, “We might be stuck here. I guess I’m getting too old for this, Vincent. I’m not sure I can straighten up.”

Vincent had realized he was also in a similar predicament. He smiled wryly and said, “I think maybe next time we should think this through.”

With that they both started laughing a little harder. After working together for several minutes they were able to get themselves to a standing position. As they finally straightened up enough to walk, they leaned against one another still laughing.

“The sound of your laughter, it’s … it’s like … music. Jacob laughs like that too. It touches me somewhere … deep inside.” Vincent explained as he placed his hand over his heart.

Catherine reached up and took Vincent’s face in both of her hands. She kissed Vincent softly, deeply and said, “I love you, Vincent.”

They stared deeply into each other’s eyes, she nodded and said, “As long as you know.”

Vincent embraced her as if he might never let her go. Then suddenly he loosened his grip and his arms fell to his sides. Catherine looked up and could only see pain and… was it fear in his eyes?

Catherine didn’t understand. “Of what? What can there possibly be left to fear?”

Vincent wasn’t sure how to put it into words, but he tried, “I don’t want to hurt you, Catherine. I’m still afraid … I’ll … hurt you.”

Catherine thought she understood what he meant, so she asked, “Do you mean … by … loving me?”

Catherine took his face in both of her hands and said, softly, “Look at me, Vincent.” Vincent looked at her. She could see his eyes were brimming with tears. Their eyes locked as she asked him, “Vincent, do you feel any fear in me? Do you see any fear in my eyes?”

Vincent shook his head. Then she said with conviction “That’s because I know that you would never hurt me. You could NEVER hurt me. Don’t you believe that?” Then with a slight smile she said, “Besides, I’m unbreakable. Remember?”

Vincent spoke, the pain still evident in his voice, “I want to believe you, Catherine.” He closed his eyes, sighed deeply and said again, “I want to believe.”

Catherine’s voice was filled with love and encouragement. “Don’t be afraid to hold me, Vincent. Don’t be afraid to love me. Trust yourself … Trust me.”

She kissed him again and in that moment he took some courage in her words and embraced her tightly. He said, “I’m sorry, Catherine. I feel like I’ve failed you.”

She laughed a little. He was curious why she would laugh when he was feeling so low. “Why do you laugh?” he asked.

She looked at him and said, “A thousand years ago I said those same words to you. Do you remember what you told me?”

She repeated his words from so long ago, “… every moment that we share is a triumph and a gift. And every one of those moments is a lifetime, complete. There is no failure. It doesn’t mean our dream can never be. It just means that now is not the right time.”

She continued, “And when I asked you if we would ever be truly together you said, ‘Only if and when we understand how great the sacrifice and how large the fears and are able to move through them.’ You said ‘we are something that has never been, and our journey is one that none have ever taken ... We must go with courage, and we must go with care ...’

Vincent laughed a little too. He kissed her forehead and then kissed her ever so gently on the mouth and said, “I do remember. It isn’t fair to use my own words against me, Catherine.” He sighed again and looked into her eyes and said, “Okay, I believe you. But do you think we will ever get there?”

She answered with conviction, “I believe it now, in this moment, more than I ever have. Yes, we will, Vincent. We will.”

They stood still in a silent embrace until eventually Vincent whispered, “We should go back. They’ll be worried.”

She nodded and they turned to leave. They both felt as if a great weight had been lifted.

“Didn’t you used to be taller? They say people shrink as they get older, but if we are both shrinking, shouldn’t you look the same to me?”

At this Vincent laughed and took her in his arms again, “I do love you, Catherine.” he said.

They walked out of the cave hand in hand, leaving behind them all the years of pain and sorrow and a small flame flickering alone in the dark.

Joe and Jen had waited in Catherine’s chamber for several hours after Vincent left them. Father and Mary kept them company well into the night. When there was no word from Vincent, Mary made up Catherine’s bed for them. Despite their worry for Vincent and Catherine, Joe and Jenny fell into a comfortable sleep. Early in the morning, Jen sat bolt upright in the bed and shook Joe awake. “Joe! Wake up, Joe!”

Jen laughed. “Nice try, Mr. Maxwell. Wake up, Joe. He found her. Vincent found Cathy. They are coming back!”

Joe jumped up, “What did you say? He found her? Where? Where?” Looking around he looked confused. “What time is it, Jen? How do you know they are coming back?”

“It’s 4 o’clock … I had a dream, Joe. They’re on their way back and Cathy’s fine,” Jen said.

“Oh. Okay, Jen. You had a dream. That’s great, Honey. Can you let me have one now please?” Joe said as he lay back down and rolled over.

A few hours later Pascal found Father and Mary sitting with Joe and Jenny in the dining hall. “Father,” he said, trying to catch his breath, “Vincent just sent word on the pipes. He’s found Catherine. She’s fine. They are on their way back. They are very far down though.” Word spread quickly through the dining room and a cheer went up from everyone there.

Jen looked at Joe in a way that needed no words, “I know, I know … ‘I told you so’” Joe replied to her. “I should know by now that you are always right.” He smiled and Jen put her arms around him and laughed.

By midmorning Jenny was getting worried. “How far away could they be? What is taking them so long?” she asked.

Father tried to explain, “Jenny, there are hundreds and hundreds of miles of tunnels down here. Those of us who live here don’t even know how far they go. Don’t worry, Vincent knows the tunnels better than anyone … with the possible exception of Mouse. I’m sure they are fine.”

“They are probably taking their time,” Mary offered. “They have been through an ordeal and Catherine still tires easily. Don’t worry, Jen.” Mary patted Jen’s hand.

Mary had been right. Vincent was concerned about Catherine making the trek back. He insisted that they stop from time to time so she could rest. The truth was that he didn’t mind letting her rest in his arms whenever she needed to. He was painfully aware of how close he had come to losing her forever. Finally, early in the evening they arrived at the Chamber of the Falls. Turning to Catherine, Vincent asked, “Would you like to stop here and rest?”

Catherine shook her head and said, “No, I don’t want to cause them any more worry.” She looked around and took a deep breath. She slipped easily into Vincent’s arms and embraced him. “Thank you, Vincent. Thank you for finding for me,” she said.

He kissed the top of her head and held her close. “I would never give up on you, Catherine,” he said with a sigh.

A short time later they entered Catherine’s chamber. Catherine wasn’t surprised to find it occupied. But when she focused her eyes on the occupant she was very surprised. “Jenny? Is that you? What on earth are you …?”

By the time Catherine had said that much, Jen had spanned the length of the room and was hugging Catherine tightly. “Cathy! Honey, you are sure a sight for sore eyes.”

“Joe,” Catherine said. “Oh, Joe. It’s so good to see you.” Looking around at everyone, Catherine said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I worried everyone. I’m fine.”

Father looked over at Vincent in shocked wonder. It was the first time he had heard Catherine speak since she had come to the tunnels.

Vincent walked over to Father and put his arm around his shoulder. “Vincent,” Father said. “I have no words.”

Vincent smiled and cried at the same time. Mary was still worried about them both.

That’s when Mary sprang into action. “Oh my, the two of you must be exhausted and hungry. We need to leave these two so they can get some rest. Vincent, I will go to the kitchen and see if William can scare up something for you two to eat.”

“Yes, I suppose we need to be getting home,” Joe agreed. “Come on, Honey. You can see Cathy soon, when she has gotten some rest.”

Jenny couldn’t stop hugging Catherine. “I promise, Jen, I’m okay.” They stood looking at each other.

“Oh, Cathy,” Jen said. “I am so glad you’re all right. I have been so worried about you. One day, and it better be soon, you are going to have to tell me everything. And I mean everything.”

Catherine laughed and hugged her best friend. “It’s a date, Jen. I promise. I will be in touch soon, okay?”

Catherine was so drained by what she had experienced that she slept a dreamless sleep for several hours. Shortly before she woke, she felt two little arms squeeze her gently around the neck and a sweet familiar voice say, “ฉันรักคุณ Cici” “I love you, Cici.” Catherine woke up as she called out, “Candy?”

Sitting up she realized it had only been a dream. She was disoriented and unsure of the time. A few lit candles provided enough light for her to make out the antique clock on the opposite side of the chamber. It was 3am. The tunnels were eerily quiet this early in the morning. She felt strange, like there was somewhere she was supposed to be, something she was supposed to be doing. Then she saw them … laying over the back of the sofa was a set of warm winter clothes (the kind top siders wore) and a coat that Peter had brought down for her. And she remembered…

… “Yes … it’s time,” she whispered to herself. “Time to go.” She breathed deeply and exhaled, as if she was trying to gather strength. She picked up the clothes and her toiletries and headed for the bathing chambers. It felt good to be submerged in the warm water of the hot springs. She didn’t see anyone while she was on her errand. It was a small blessing for which she was grateful. She didn’t feel up to talking to people yet. She felt refreshed back in her chamber as she gathered and packed her meager belongings.

Entering the chamber, Vincent could see that Catherine had removed all traces of herself from the room. She was packing the last of her things into her backpack.

Catherine paused at the sound of his voice and looked lovingly at Vincent. “I have to.” She sat on the edge of the bed near where he stood and reached for his hand.

“You know why,” Catherine spoke softly, “These past months, I have been unable to speak, Vincent, but I haven’t been blind. Your heart aches for him ... for Jake. Have you ever been apart for this long before?”

She kissed the back of his hand and said, “He won’t come back, Vincent. Not as long as I’m here. You know that. Jake needs you and you need him.”

“I need you too, Catherine. I don’t want to choose between the two of you,” he replied.

Catherine shook her head and said, “You don’t have to. He’s our son, Vincent. He’s already lost his mother. He can’t lose his father too. I won’t be far, I promise. I will be just above.”

“Yes, Catherine, of course I will. But it’s only 4 am. We still have a couple of hours before you need to leave. What would you like to do?” he asked.

“I have no right to ask, Vincent. I have never really been a mother to Jake, but I was wondering …” she hesitated.

Vincent put his hand under her chin and gently lifted her face so that he could see her eyes. “Catherine,” he insisted, “… you are Jacob’s mother. You have loved him and protected him the only way you could since the day he was born. What is it?”

Finally she said, “I was wondering if you could tell me … about Jake … what he was like … growing up?”

Vincent smiled and nodded. He sat beside her on the bed and pulled her close and for the next two hours they talked about their son. As the time to leave grew closer, Vincent looked down at Catherine curled up next to him. She was looking intently at him, but he could not quite read her expression. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

“Your love for him, Vincent … it’s like a light that shines out of your face when you talk about him. You are an amazing father. You are an amazing man… I love you,” she said softly.

They were both quiet for a moment as they stared at each other. For some reason when she said that his heart felt as if it were going to burst out of his chest. Before he could stop himself, he bent his head down and began kissing her more passionately than he ever had before. He felt like he was on fire. They were both swept up in the whirlwind of their love. For a moment he came up for air and he saw in her face … nothing except her whole-hearted love for him and her complete trust in him. She reached out and touched his face. Suddenly he shook his head and jumped up. He was pacing and holding his head as if it were going to explode.

They were both silent as they made their way up to the park entrance tunnel. The first streaks of daylight were just beginning to spread across the sky. It looked like there had been a light snow during the night. They could hear the distant sounds of the city waking from its slumber.

Catherine tightened a scarf around her neck and pulled a knitted hat and matching pair of gloves out of her coat pockets. She smiled and said, “Peter thought of everything.”

He finally looked at her. She could see the pain in his eyes. She leaned close and kissed him softly and then buried her face in his chest.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her. Neither of them made a move to part from the other. He rested his chin on her head and said, “You don’t have to go, Catherine.”

He nodded reluctantly, but still made no move to let her go. “I will have someone bring your duffle bag and your backpack to Peter’s later today.”

She nodded and stood up straight. She turned and kissed him lightly on the cheek and walked out of the tunnel.

…. As she made her way out of the park, Catherine left a lonely trail of footprints in the freshly fallen snow.

It had been 4 long, agonizing months since Catherine had returned above. Being apart from each other was taking its toll on both Catherine and Vincent. But they didn’t speak of it. They knew there was nothing that could be done about it. They had made the decision together and they both agreed that Jacob could not lose his home or his father so that they could be together. That was a price neither of them were willing to pay. So they had to be content with the way things were.

Catherine lived a quiet life for the most part. She had renewed her friendship with Jen and Joe and she saw them regularly. She kept herself busy working between the two shelters that her foundation supported. Some members of “society” had reached out to her, but that was a world that no longer had any appeal for her. There was only one thing in the world that Catherine truly wanted and she knew she would never find it in the world above. No matter what she did to stay busy, Vincent was never far from her thoughts.

Vincent had tried to keep himself occupied with life in the tunnels. He had classes to teach and Father had turned over most of the day to day business of managing the tunnel community to him. It should have been easy to keep his mind occupied. But there was only one thing Vincent wanted. She was his only world and she was just out of reach, in the world above. Even though they couldn’t be together, they were never really apart. Vincent could feel her love and her longing for him no matter how deep in the tunnels he might be. It tortured him and it warmed and comforted him at the same time. That torture would be eased a little bit today though. He would see her tonight and knowing that eased his burden and lightened his heart as he went about his day.

Catherine was quietly reading when she heard the tap on the balcony door. Peter had gone to bed hours before. At the sound her heart began beating wildly. She rushed to open the door and flew into Vincent’s waiting embrace. It was as if both of them could only breathe when they were in each other’s arms. After a few minutes she pulled him in and closed the door. They sat on the couch in each other’s arms for several minutes before either of them spoke. Catherine laughed softly.

She lifted her head off of his chest to see his face and said, “It doesn’t seem to make any difference how old I am, Vincent, whenever you come to see me, I feel like I’m 16 year’s old and going on my first date.”

Vincent laughed and ran his hands absently through her hair. “That’s funny, whenever I climb that fire escape, I feel like I’m 60 and I’m … wait … I am 60.”

“Hmmm? Oh, Sara Teasdale’s Love Songs,” she answered reaching for the book.

Vincent nodded, “Mmmmm. Her story is very sad. Does it make you melancholy?”

“No,” she said. “Over the years I found her poetry … comforting …. It made me realize that l wasn’t the only one who had ever lost someone I loved. It made me feel less … alone. Sara found words for the ache that made it somehow sweet and beautiful. Sometimes I could see your face as I read. It was like she was writing about us. Would you like me to read some of them to you?”

Vincent was transformed as she read. Her voice whispered of love with every syllable. He was a little disappointed when she closed the book. “You still read beautifully, Catherine,” he said.

She smiled wistfully. Then changing the subject she asked, “Have you heard anything from Jake?”

“No,” he sighed the word more than he actually said it. “I’m beginning to think he won’t come back, Catherine.”

“He will come back, Vincent. Don’t give up on him,” Catherine assured him.

She smiled, “Because, I have seen your face when you talk about him. Any child that grows up basking in love like that, can’t live long without it. He needs your love to nourish him, Vincent. Just like you need his.”

Catherine nodded, “Yes, he does have Rebecka. And you have me. But having my love doesn’t make your heart ache any less for him, does it? And besides, Rebecka needs her parents too. Trust me, Vincent, sooner or later, they will be back.”

He held her close and said, “Your confidence makes me believe it.” He couldn’t help but kiss her.

She shook her head, “Only that she has been adopted. The Thai Government says the records are sealed for the safety of the adoptive family as well as the child. I can’t ask them because it isn’t any business of Catherine Chandler, and Cici Chamberlain doesn’t even exist.”

“I hope so, Vincent, I hope so.” She didn’t sound convinced. She didn’t tell him how Candy haunted her dreams. She didn’t want him to worry.

He held her reassuringly. As the quiet settled around them, he said, “I better get back. I have to teach in the morning and you still need your rest.”

They were both reluctant to say goodbye. That was always the worst part. It was physically painful for both of them, but neither of them ever mentioned it. They both knew that acknowledging it would only make it worse.

As Vincent made his way home through the park and into the tunnels he replayed every moment of their evening in his mind, as he would every day for the coming week. He knew it would lessen the longing for her until he could see her again.

Entering his chamber, Vincent was surprised to find it occupied. He blinked twice to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.

It was Jacob. He was looking at the portrait of his parents and had his back to the entry way of the room, so he didn’t notice anyone enter.

Vincent approached him slowly and put his hand on his shoulder. Jake spun around, startled by the contact. They looked at each other for a moment and then embraced. As they loosened their hold on each other, they didn’t speak. They stood there looking at each other. Jake looked sadly at his father and Vincent looked lovingly and gratefully at his son.

Finally Vincent said, “I was afraid I might never see you again. Have you been well?”

Jake nodded, “Yes, I’ve been well.” Looking around he asked, “Where’s Catherine?”

“No, Jacob, she hasn’t left me,” Vincent replied. “She’s just above.”

Vincent tried to explain, “Catherine didn’t want to come between you and me. She thought that as long as she was here, below, that you would stay away. She felt that you had already lost your mother and she didn’t want you to lose your father too. So as soon as she was well enough, she returned above.”

Jake was silent for a long time as he looked at the portrait. “Was she always like that, Dad?” he finally asked.

Vincent was surprised at the softness in his tone. “Yes, Jacob, she was … always like that.”

Vincent nodded and they left Vincent’s chamber. For some time they walked in silence.

At length Jake said, “Becka and I have been working in Thailand. We were at the orphanage where Catherine lived. Where she worked … for all those years.”

As they walked Jake told his father about the two children Catherine had rescued from the streets many years before. He told him about the hundreds of orphans that had been saved from hopeless lives because of the work that Catherine had done there.

As Jake spoke to his father, Vincent could see the admiration in Jake’s eyes as he spoke about Catherine and her accomplishments. His heart swelled within him for the change in his son.

Jake continued, “We stayed there at the orphanage for several months. Becka and I taught English, we helped build some new dorms, and I was able to set up some new programs with funds from her foundation. They don’t even know who she is, Dad. They told me about what Cici Chamberlain had done there, but they don’t have any idea that she is also Catherine Chandler. That most of the money that they have received over the last 20 years was from her. She never said anything. She never told anyone. What kind of a person does that?”

Vincent instantly recalled another conversation they had had about Catherine … “Normal people don’t just desert their children. Normal people don’t turn their backs on the people they are supposed to love. What kind of a person does that?”

Noticing the strange look on his father’s face, Jake stopped and asked, “What is it?”

“You had such a strange look on your face just then. What were you thinking about?” Jake asked.

Jake thought for a moment. He pulled Catherine’s journal from his jacket pocket and handed it to his father.

Shaking his head he said, “I was so wrong, Dad, about her. I am so ashamed of myself.” Jake had tears in his eyes as he raked his hands through his hair.

Vincent was silent for a moment. Jake’s words hung in the air. Then, changing the subject, Vincent asked, “How is Becka? When did you get back?”

Jake smiled a little and said, “She’s fine, Dad. We have been back for about 6 weeks.”

Jake nodded and then admitted, “I was afraid to come down here. I didn’t want to face her. Not after the things I said to her.”

Jake hesitantly said, “Dad, Becka and I had a baby. You have a granddaughter.” He paused for a moment.

Vincent was dumbfounded. Then he expressed his concern. “Jacob … is she all right? Is she healthy? Is she … ?” He was hesitant to ask the last question.

Jake understood. “Dad … she’s … beautiful! She is absolutely perfect in every way,” he beamed.

And then Jake continued, “When I held her in my arms for the first time. I realized how tiny and helpless she is.” He tried to control his emotions as he spoke. “I never knew that it was even possible to love anyone like that ...”

He shook his head. “Dad … every time I look at her, every time I hold her, I keep asking myself … how much would I be willing to do to keep her safe? Would I have the strength to do what Catherine did? Would I be able to sacrifice everything and everyone I have ever loved? … all my hopes and dreams? …if it meant she would be safe?”

Vincent was silent. Their walk had brought them to the waterfall. For a long time they sat there in silence listening to the peaceful soothing sound of the water.

“How did she do it, Dad? How did she survive for all that time … alone?” Jake finally asked.

Vincent shook his head and softly said, “I don’t know, Jacob. She says that she learned not to hope or have any expectations. But I think that somewhere deep inside there must have been a spark of hope that someday, somehow she would see us again.”

Jake nodded, “Last year when I met her in Thailand, she said that she still believed that the darkest nights would eventually end. But at the time I had no idea … how long her “night” had been. How could she keep believing after all that time?”

They sat for a while longer in silence, and then Jake asked, “Do you think she would be willing to talk to me? After the things I said to her?”

“I can’t repeat it, Dad. It was … it was … unforgivable…” Jake said as he looked away in shame.

Vincent laughed a little. “You know you are a lot like her, Jacob. You both give so much love and mercy to others and yet you spare so little for yourselves. Why don’t you go to see her and speak to her?”

“Dad, I can’t,” Jake said. “What if she won’t see me? I was wondering if you could ask her to come here and talk to me? I was thinking we could have the baby’s naming ceremony this weekend. If she is willing to come and talk to me, then she can be here for that.”

Vincent agreed. “I can do that, Jacob. I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

Jake smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I know that. … Dad, can I ask you something?”

Jake looked searchingly at his father and asked, “Why didn’t you marry her? You both loved each other so deeply … and yet …”

Vincent was thoughtful. “We were still trying to find our way when Gabriel took her. I suppose if that hadn’t happened … perhaps we …” His voice trailed off.

He could tell by the look on Vincent’s face that his father was reluctant to say. “Is it me? Am I what’s stopping you now?”

“It isn’t just you, Jacob. I … it’s mostly me. I suppose, back then, I thought she deserved so much more than I could ever offer her,” he said sadly. “Maybe I still do.”

Jake was astonished. “But Dad, isn’t that for her to decide?” he asked. “She has only ever wanted you. It’s not like she’s been waiting all this time for someone better to come along ... she’s been waiting for you. She loves you. Life is offering you this amazing, precious gift, Dad. Why won’t you accept the gift?”

Vincent was astonished, not only at his son’s advice, but that he had chosen those particular words. Words that he had used as he pleaded with Catherine a few months before.

When they went their separate ways, Vincent stayed for a while at the waterfall and pondered his son’s advice. It seemed as if he could hear Catherine’s voice in the echoes of a long forgotten conversation.

“Vincent” she had said, “… if this is my fate, I accept it gratefully. You must believe that. Don’t be afraid to want it … even only for yourself. Don’t be afraid to deserve it. You deserve everything.”[4]

Seeking out Father, Vincent shared with him what had transpired between him and his son.

“What do you think I should do, Father?” Vincent asked. “Can I in good conscience ask her to sacrifice more by coming here to live with me when she has already sacrificed so much?”

Father silently went over to an old wooden chest and pulled out a small box. Walking slowly, he said, “I think that young Jacob is right. It is for her to decide, not you. If you don’t give her the chance to make that choice, then you are a fool. You and Catherine are a part of each other, Vincent. You have been from the beginning. Don’t you think it’s time for you both to finally be together?” Then placing the box in Vincent’s hand, he said, “This is the ring I gave Margaret the day I asked her to marry me. I hope you put it to good use.”

Catherine went to bed early. She still struggled with extreme fatigue from time to time. She slept soundly for a few hours when she thought she could hear someone crying. She followed it in the dark until she came to a room she didn’t recognize. As she came close to the bed she saw that it was … Candy, weeping as if her heart would break. Catherine sat on the floor close to her bed. She wanted desperately to reach out and stroke her hair the way she used to. She knew from past experience that she couldn’t. All she could do was sing to her. So that is what she did. Slowly Candy’s sobs became quiet and she looked up and smiled at Catherine. Just then a ribbon of light came from the direction of the door and Catherine woke up with a start.

Catherine couldn’t go back to sleep. She kept thinking about her dream. She was worried about Candy. What if the people who adopted her are unkind? What if she is in trouble? Her mind raced with possibilities ….

…….. She stood in her rooftop garden staring at the stars. There was a slight breeze. The cool air felt refreshing on her face. As she thought about where she was a year ago, she was amazed at how much had happened since then. It was hard to believe that so much could have happened in such a short span of time.

It was a year since she had taken Candy to Operation Smile to have her surgery. A year since she had met her son for the first time. A year since events had taken on a life of their own to bring her back to New York.

Catherine wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She was incredibly thankful to be alive and to have Vincent in her life again, even in a limited way. Her heart ached at the pain she had caused her son. She wondered if he would ever be able to forgive her. She was incredibly worried about Candy and what had become of her. She said a silent prayer for the little girl who had stolen her heart.

A slight breeze drew her attention to the smell of honeysuckle blossoms. That can’t be, she thought. It’s too early. But as she turned her eyes toward the vines, she was amazed to find that they had indeed already begun to bloom. She leaned her face toward them to drink in the beautiful scent. Smiling wistfully, she thought, this must be a good omen. Then she heard him …

Catherine turned toward his voice in surprise. She didn’t say anything. She just looked at him and smiled. She reached out to touch him to be sure. Vincent took her hand and then came closer to put his arms around her. She laughed a little.

Catherine replied, smiling softly, “When I saw you there, I half thought you were a dream. I needed to touch you to be sure. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

Vincent nodded and smiled. Then he looked more serious and asked, “What can I do, Catherine?”

Catherine didn’t understand what he meant, so he explained. “You look fine on the outside, but inside your emotions are swirling and colliding. What can I do?”

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t mind. I feel like a part of me that I thought was lost forever is found again. But I want to help if I can,” Vincent said as he kissed her forehead.

Catherine took a deep breath and explained, “I was thinking about how much has happened since this time last year. Things I never dared to dream. I met our son. I almost died. I have you back in my life. But … my heart aches for the pain I have caused Jake. I wonder if he will ever be able to forgive me. I don’t even know if he should. … I dreamed about Candy tonight. She was weeping. I am so worried about her. Not knowing what’s happened to her.”

Vincent breathed deeply as he understood. “You’re going away? You’re going to try to find her?” Vincent asked, the fear visible in his eyes.

Catherine put her hand on his cheek and looked directly into his eyes. “I have to try to find out what’s happened to her, Vincent. She has no one in this world. She has known nothing but pain and rejection since the day she was born.”

Catherine shook her head. “But for the last 9 months, she’s been alone. She’s so little, so defenseless. She must wonder why I left her. I need to make sure she’s all right, if I can. Do you understand?”

Vincent gazed at her, nodded and said, “After everything you’ve been through, Catherine, you still have the greatest capacity for love of anyone I have ever known. I don’t understand how you survived the way you did all of those years.”

Catherine reflected for a moment and said, “I think that if it wasn’t for the orphanage, for the children, I would have probably just died. I was never sure if I was helping them or if they were helping me. I believe they saved me. I have to make sure that someone saves Candy.”

Vincent held her close. He wanted so badly to keep her here, to keep her close. But he realized that she had made up her mind. He asked, “When will you leave?”

Catherine replied, “As soon as I can get a new passport. I don’t know how long that will take. I’m sorry, Vincent. It won’t be like before, I promise I will come back as soon as I can.”

Vincent sighed heavily, “It’s hard being apart from you now. I don’t want you to go. But I do understand. It’s who you are, Catherine. Candy is blessed to have you.”

They stood together for a while before Vincent spoke again. “I am actually here on an errand.”

He continued, “Jacob came to see me yesterday. He asked me to come here for him. He wishes to speak with you.”

Vincent answered, “He was afraid you might not want to talk to him. He told me he said some pretty cruel things last time you spoke.”

Catherine was silent as she remembered their last encounter. Then she said, “He was in so much pain. Tell him he is welcome here any time.”

Vincent answered, “That is all I’m allowed to say. He asked me to bring you there Friday night. Is that all right?”

“That’s fine,” she nodded. “I’ll meet you at the Park entrance just after dark?”

As Vincent returned to the tunnels with a heavy heart, he reached into his pocket and took out the crystal necklace and the ring. Have I lost my chance? Have I let the moment slip away? Am I losing her again? His heart was filled with dread at the thought…

Late the next afternoon in Vincent’s chamber, he was attempting to read, but he couldn’t concentrate. He had a growing uneasiness about the coming hours. A feeling that no matter what happened, in the next several hours, whether it be good or bad, his life, his world, would never be the same. It filled him with excitement and it filled him with fear at the same time.

As Jake approached, Vincent could see that he was carrying something in his arms. Jake held out the small wriggling bundle and placed it in Vincent’s arms. As Vincent opened the small blanket he saw, for the first time, the face of his granddaughter. In that moment he was filled with the same wonder and overwhelming love that he had felt years ago when he had beheld the face of his own newborn son for the first time.

It was hard for him to remember that there had once been a time in his life, many years ago, when he could never have imagined that life held such wonders and miracles for someone like himself. It had been Catherine who had first tried to make him believe. He thought he could hear her voice echo again, “Don’t be afraid to want it, even only for yourself. Don’t be afraid to deserve it. You deserve everything.”[5]

In that instant Vincent realized that he was finally beginning to believe those words. Maybe he did deserve everything…

As Vincent looked up, he saw Becka coming into the chamber. Beside her was … his eyes widened as he realized ….. And then he turned to look at Jacob who was smiling at them all.

Vincent rushed to meet Catherine at the allotted time. It had been difficult to pull himself away from his son and his new little family. But he didn’t want Catherine to find herself alone at the tunnel entrance. After all it was still New York City and it was still Central Park.

Catherine smiled nervously as he greeted her. She had spent the day trying to control the panic of seeing her son that was rising within her. She tried not to replay their last encounter over and over in her head. Vincent could feel her fear and nervous anticipation long before he saw her face. As soon as he closed the secret door behind her he took her in his arms. They stood there in embracing each other for several minutes before he spoke.

“Do you really believe it’s going to be all right, Vincent? Do you think he will forgive me?” she asked.

He could feel her desperation and her fear. “Yes, I do believe it, Catherine. Don’t be afraid,” he said reassuringly. He paused momentarily and then said, “I’ve been forbidden to say anything else. He wishes to speak to you himself.”

He could still see the worry on her face. He leaned close and kissed her softly. And then whispered, “Don’t worry, Catherine. It’s going to be all right.”

Standing alone in Vincent’s chamber, Catherine was doing her best to stay calm. So many of her precious memories were wrapped in the fragile tissue of love that began in this very room so many years ago. She walked slowly around the chamber touching each thing, drinking them in as if it might be for the last time. She finally came around to a large covered canvas. She carefully pulled away the fabric to reveal the portrait underneath. Tears brimmed and sparkled in her eyes as she looked at it. She reached out to stroke the cheek of Vincent’s image. She no longer attempted to control the waves of emotion that she was feeling. She had promised Vincent that she wouldn’t keep them from him anymore. Knowing he was nearby gave her strength. As she stood lost in the memories evoked by the painting, she heard Jake speak from close behind her.

Pointing to the portrait, he continued, “My angel. She used to come to me when I had bad dreams. She would sing to me until I stopped crying. She always made the bad go away.”

He sang a little bit of the song Catherine knew so well and then he said, “I didn’t know until I was older exactly who she was, but I always knew she loved me.”

She didn’t speak, so he went on. “Once, when I was about 5 years old, my Father took me to a concert under the Park. I remember the symphony was playing and it began to rain. It came pouring through the grate just above our heads and I was so excited. We were dancing and laughing in the rain, and she came. I can still hear the sound of her laughter as she watched us. It pierced me to the heart. Like the lullaby she would sing. Then she disappeared.”

Catherine nodded and said, “I thought those were just my … wishes … my dreams. I didn’t know … that I was really here.”

Jake brought her journal from behind his back. “I believe this belongs to you. Dad discovered it among a box of books that I had returned to him. I’m not really sure how I came to have it. I didn’t take it on purpose, I’m sorry. Dad insisted that I read it. He thought it might help me to understand ... some … things …. He told me that I should remember that there is a truth that is greater than knowledge.”

Catherine nodded. “Yes,” she whispered and slowly reached out and took it from his hands. She was too overwhelmed to say anything. She opened the book to the front and stroked Vincent’s name. She began to read the inscription out loud, “Though lovers be lost love shall not …”

They looked at each other for a moment. Then Jake broke the silence, “Can you ever forgive me, Catherine? For the terrible things I said? How I acted? I am truly sorry.”

She tentatively reached out to hold his hand. She was afraid that he might be one of her dreams. When he didn’t disappear or pull away she said, “There is nothing to forgive, Jake. Your pain was real. You have a right to your pain. I understood.”

He reached out and embraced her tightly and began to sob. Catherine embraced him and comforted him. She breathed in deeply and silently thanked God for this wonderful unexpected gift. It was the first time she had ever held her son.

After a few minutes he was more in control of himself. He took a deep breath and said, “There is someone I want you to meet.”

He guided her to a large chair and motioned for her to sit down and said, “Wait here for a minute.” He walked out of the chamber and returned in a moment with Becka. In her arms, Becka was carrying a small bundle. Catherine was a little surprised when Becka placed the bundle in her arms.

Jake said, “Mom, apparently you already know my wife, Becka, but I would like you to meet your granddaughter.”

Catherine opened up the blanket to reveal a beautiful baby girl. She gasped, “Oh, Becka, she’s beautiful!”

Catherine was speechless as she embraced the baby and breathed in her sweetness. She closed her eyes and swayed back and forth a little. She looked at the baby again in amazement and sighed, “Oh, Jake, I’m so happy for you.” And looking to Becka she said, “and you too, Becka. Congratulations!”

As she returned the baby to Becka’s arms Jake said, “We are having her naming ceremony tonight. We were hoping that you would be a part of it.”

Catherine turned to him with tear-filled eyes and said, “I would love that, Jake. Thank you.”

Jake continued, “And we were wondering if you would mind if we named her … Catherine? We want to call her Katy.”

Catherine was so shocked at the request that she was momentarily speechless. She finally nodded and said, “That would be fine, Jake. I must say I am a little overwhelmed.”

Jake wasn’t finished. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. And quietly said, “Mom, I need to talk to you about one more thing.”

“These last several months Becka and I have been in Thailand working at the orphanage where you worked, where you lived,” he said.

Catherine’s heart sank as she asked, “When? Do you know who adopted her? Do you know where she is? Is she safe?”

Before Jake could answer any of her questions they heard a small voice say, “My Cici?”

Catherine turned to see Vincent standing at the door of the chamber with Candy in his arms. Catherine rose out of her chair. Her hands covered her mouth. She was visibly shaking as tears flowed freely down her face. “Candy?’ she whispered through her tears.

Vincent put Candy down and she ran as fast as she could into Catherine’s arms. She wrapped her little arms so tightly around Catherine’s neck that she could barely breathe. Candy sobbed as she repeated, “ฉัน Cici, Cici ของฉัน” “My Cici. My Cici.” Over and over. She stroked Catherine’s wet cheeks and kissed her repeatedly about the face.

“คุณไม่ได้กลับมา” “You didn’t come back,” Candy explained through her sobs. “เขากล่าวว่า"กรุ๊ปเป็นตายไปแล้ว” “They said Cici is dead.”

Catherine stroked Candy’s hair and held her close. “Shhhh. Candy. อย่าร้องไห้ Don’t cry. Shhhh ฉันยังไม่ตาย ฉันยังไม่ตาย I’m not dead. I’m not dead. ฉันขอโทษฉันไม่ได้กลับมา I’m sorry I didn’t come back. ผมป่วยมาก แต่ฉันดีมากตอนนี้ I was very sick, but I’m much better now. ฉันส่งหมอเจคที่จะได้พบกับคุณ I asked Doc Jake to find you. ทุกอย่างจะดีตอนนี้ Everything will be fine now.” She held Candy close and then they looked at each other and laughed. Then Catherine reached out for Jake and grasped his hand and mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

Vincent stood by, amazed at the exchange between Catherine and Candy. He couldn’t understand the words they spoke to each other. But he understood the love that passed between them. He didn’t think it was possible, but in that moment, watching Catherine and Candy reunited, Vincent realized that he loved Catherine even more than he ever had before.

As they entered the Great Hall for the naming ceremony, Catherine’s heart swelled with gratitude and love for all the friends that surrounded them. When she saw Joe and Jen Maxwell she realized that the circle was complete. Jake asked Vincent to conduct the ceremony.

As Jake and Becka stood in the circle holding Candy and little Katy, the room became hushed and Vincent began…

“It has been said that the child is the meaning of this life. Today we celebrate these children. These two new lives that have been brought into our world. We welcome these children with love that they may be able to love. We welcome these children with gifts that they may learn generosity. And we welcome these children with names …”

Jake stepped forward with Candy and said, “The name we have chosen for her is Candy Genevieve Vincent.”

Becka stepped forward with the baby and said, “The name we have chosen for her is Catherine Chandler Vincent.”

Vincent put his arm around Catherine’s shoulder and pulled her close. Catherine felt as if she was finally home.

People began coming forward, presenting the children with gifts, and the celebration began. The grandmothers took over the children with loving care while Vincent and Joe congratulated Jake and offered fatherly advice.

Later in the evening during the festivities Vincent found Catherine standing in a quiet corner of the Great Hall gently rocking little Katy who was asleep in her arms. Putting his arms around them both he whispered in her ear, “How does it feel? To hold your granddaughter in your arms?”

Catherine smiled up at him and whispered, “It’s like holding a little piece of eternity.” Then looking at Katy’s sweet little face, she said, “She’s so beautiful, Vincent. She takes my breath away.”

Vincent smiled and nodded in agreement. “She looks like her grandmother. Then he asked, “Would you like to dance?”

She looked surprised and asked, “Do you think we can? Without waking her up?”

Vincent smiled and led her to the dance floor. He gently embraced Catherine and Katy and they began to dance. As they danced Vincent couldn’t take his eyes off of Catherine. She had the same expression on her face that he had seen years ago when he had accidently discovered her dancing here alone in her dreams. And as they swayed to the music, they both felt as if their hearts would burst with happiness.

Slowly the party goers tired and left the Great Hall, until finally it was only Vincent and Catherine dancing to the music in the wind. The light of a few remaining flickering candles cast their dancing shadows on the walls.

As morning approached, Vincent and Catherine walked slowly to the Park entrance. They stood together at the tunnel opening watching the first beams of sunlight in the early morning sky. And just as the moon had risen over Central Park on that terrible April night half a lifetime ago, so the sun was rising now with the promise of a beautiful Spring day.

As Vincent and Catherine turned in the dim light of the dawn to bid each other goodbye, Vincent asked, “Do you remember what day this is, Catherine?”

Catherine smiled and nodded at him knowingly and softly said, “Twenty eight years ago today.” She paused for a moment and then said, “I guess I was wrong.”

She answered, “I once told you the pieces would never fit back together again. But you never gave up. You made them all fit … beautifully.”

Vincent was thoughtful before he replied, “Not all of the pieces. There is still one more.”

Vincent reached into his pocket and held up a familiar crystal on a chain. Catherine recognized it immediately. She smiled. Reaching out for it she said, “Hmm, It always manages to find its way back to me, doesn’t it?” Then, looking closer, she noticed that also on the chain was a breathtakingly beautiful antique diamond ring. Shaking her head, she said, “This isn’t mine, Vincent. I haven’t lost a ring. I only lost the crystal.”

Vincent was afraid to breathe. He was afraid to speak. Somehow he managed to say, “It is yours, Catherine … if you want it.”

She was confused. She wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying. For some reason she felt as if her heart was breaking.

Vincent took her in his arms. Catherine didn’t resist. “Oh, Catherine, I feel like I’m dying every time we say ‘goodbye’. I don’t want let you go,” he whispered roughly.

She held him even tighter and sobbed, “I don’t want you to,” she said, as tears began streaming down her face.

He kissed her on the forehead and asked, “Then don’t go, Catherine. Please stay? Come home with me, right now. Come home to me? Will you marry me, Catherine?” When she didn’t pull away he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her face to his and kissed her softly, longingly on the mouth. Then he softly whispered in her ear, “I love you, Catherine. Please don’t leave.”

She looked up at him tenderly, with tears in her eyes, and whispered, “I thought you would never ask.” Then cupping his face in her hands, she looked deeply into his eyes and said, “But, Vincent … surely you must know by now … that whenever I am in your arms, I already am home.”

Vincent looked at her in stunned silence. She could still see the question in his eyes.

“Yes, Vincent, of course I will come home with you … to you. Of course I will marry you.”

She gently pulled his face down to hers and kissed him with more urgency, more passion than before …

…. and as the sun rose over Central Park, there was no trace of Catherine’s lonely footprints across the dew covered grass.

Many years later it was said by those who had known them that their hearts were so knit together in love that when they had reached a very old age they had died within a few short hours of each other.

“No, Grandpa,” a little girl interrupted, “it’s many, MANY years later …. When they had reached a very, VERY old age.”

“Oh yes, that’s right, Katy. Pardon me.” Grandpa laughed, cleared his throat and began again.

“Many, many years later, it was said by those who had known them that their hearts were so knit together in love, that when they had reached a very, very old age, they had died within a few short days of each other.”

“… Many, many years later, it was said by those who had known them that their hearts were so knit together in love, that when they had reached a very, very old age, they had died within a few short hours of each other.

But from time to time if you enter the Great Hall very quietly you might still catch a glimpse of their shadows dancing by candlelight to the music in the wind …

… and it was believed by all that wherever their spirits were, that they were together … in love … ever after….”

“Honey, are you still telling that story?” a middle aged woman asked her husband as she emerged from the kitchen onto the backyard patio with a dish towel in her hand.

Then turning to her granddaughter she asked, “Katy, will you ever get tired of hearing that old story?”

“Nope, I never will, Grandma. I LOVE that story!” Katy replied and then she thought for a moment and threw her arms around her grandmother. “Almost as much as I love you.”

Grandma laughed and kissed the top of Katy’s head. “I love you more, Katy Cup Cake.” It was hard for Grandma to believe that a person could be so happy or feel so blessed.

A dark haired “tween” girl with braces on her teeth emerged from the kitchen. She had been listening to the story through the screen door of the kitchen while she helped her grandmother wash the dishes. “I agree with Katy, Grandma. It’s the best story ever. If it was a movie, I would watch it a thousand times.”

“Why isn’t it a movie, Grandpa?” Katy asked, wide-eyed, as she turned to face her grandfather.

Grandpa laughed as Grandma answered, “Because it is just a story in Grandpa’s imagination.”

“That’s not true, Grandma,” Candy protested. “It’s not just a story. It’s a TRUE story!”

Grandpa was getting hugs from both girls now, as he asked, “And what makes you so sure about that, Candy Cane?”

She thought for a minute and said, “Well … because everyone in the story has the same names as everyone in our family.” Then she added emphatically, “… and Mom and Dad really did adopt me from Thailand.”

Then Katy Cup Cake said very matter-of-factly, “… and Grandma still wears the necklace, Grandpa.”

Grandma tousled Katy’s hair and said, “Come on girls, you need to run upstairs and get your things. Your mom and dad will be here any minute.”

The girls ran into the house laughing. Grandma sat down on the porch swing next to Grandpa. “It’s going to be awfully quiet around here when they go home. I’ve gotten used to their chatter these last couple of weeks.”

“Mmmmm hmmmm.” Grandpa agreed as he put his arm affectionately around Grandma and kissed her softly.

Twenty minutes later, after a flurry of activity, all the girl’s things were stowed in the car and hugs and kisses were given all around. Grandma and Grandpa stood on the porch and waved goodbye.

Listen to this on low volume while you read the rest… The First Time I Loved Forever

As Grandma went to the kitchen sink to finish cleaning up, Grandpa turned on his “state of the art” sound system and slipped his arms around her from behind. “They’re playing our song,” he whispered affectionately in her ear as he gently kissed the faded scar there. She laughed softly and let him lead her out onto the patio. The citronella torch cast a shadow across the lawn of the two of them dancing.

There was the flurry of commotion as they both tripped over a piece of patio furniture and fell into the pool. There was splashing and coughing and hysterical laughing as they helped each other out of the water. The last strains of the song played in the background as they sat side by side at the edge of the pool dripping wet and chuckling.

As the quiet settled around them, Grandma stood up and reached for Grandpa’s hand and said, “Come on, let’s finish our dance.”

From somewhere in the neighborhood the faint strains of their favorite love song was playing on the evening breeze.

Grandpa’s eyes widened. “I think I can,” he said as he stood up and took her in his arms again.

And as they danced to the distant strains of the music, Grandpa looked down at her and smiled and softly whispered, “I love you, Catherine.”

She pulled closer to him and looked up adoringly into his face and softly said, “I love you too, Vincent.”

…. And in all the broad expanse of the neatly manicured lawn, in the tranquil light of the citronella mosquito torch, there was no sign of one shadow parting from another ... as they danced to the music in the wind ....

……“I must say, Catherine, you look very attractive in that wet shirt,” Vincent whispered.

Catherine giggled and said, “Shhhh, can’t you see it says it’s ‘The End’? We are supposed to stop talking now. Just dance.”

“Stoppppp,” she whispered, laughing at the same time. And then she whispered, “You don’t look so bad yourself in that wet t-shirt, by the way. I find your pecks rather … titillating.”

Catherine screamed and then laughed. “Vincent!” she said in mock horror. “mmmmm… do that again.”

[1] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 20 “What Rough Beast”

[2] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 12 “Orphans”

[3] Beauty and the Beast Season 3 Episode 3 “Walk Slowly”

[4] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 7 “A Fair and Perfect Knight”

[5] Beauty and the Beast Season 2 Episode 7 “A Fair and Perfect Knight”