How Could I Forget Thee?
Lea
Acknowledgements
In addition to the usual "Beauty and the Beast and its characters belong to ..... Koslow.... Republic Pictures... etc..." consider it said, I'd like to thank one of my favorite authors, without whom this fic would never have been written. Joan Stephens' story "For Thy Sweet Love Remember'd" (2001 Conzine) started on exactly the same premises, but followed a very different path. After reading (and loving) it I found myself thinking "And what if..." This story is the result of those musings, but I don't forget it was Joan's idea in the first place. Thank you Joan!
Chapter One
"Father! Thank you for coming!" Catherine closed the door of her apartment and gestured her visitor, unfamiliarly dressed in his out-of-style dark suit, into her living room. "I know you don't like coming above, but I had to talk to you. Still no change?"
With a sigh, Jacob Wells wearily sat down on the white couch and shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, my dear, I wish I had better news to bring you! Vincent's physical condition is back to normal now, but his memory hasn't shown the slightest sign of improvement. The last years are still lost to him."
Catherine sat down in front of him and hid her face in her hands. It hurt so much! Once more, as it had over and over again for the last two months, the scene played back in her mind. After they'd brought him back, unconscious, from the cavern below the catacombs, she hadn't left Vincent's side for two weeks, anxiously waiting while, as Father had explained, he "slept himself back to health".
Then, at last, he had awakened, and she was there, holding his hand, watching his face...but as he opened his eyes his gaze had glided over her with faint puzzlement, before settling on Father's face. Her frantic attempts to talk to Vincent, make him acknowledge her presence, had only caused agitation and distress, and Father had finally made her leave the chamber. It had soon become evident that Vincent suffered from partial amnesia, having forgotten her and everything that had happened ever since he'd found her, and there was no way to tell if that state would or not be permanent. All they could do was wait.
Heartbroken, she'd gone back Above. At first she would come Below every few days for fresh news, until Father had gently, but firmly made her understand that her presence there was distressing Vincent. So she had remained Above, apparently going on with her life, but slowly dying inside, as a bitter, nagging voice inside her kept repeating that she had deserved what happened to her. That her carelessness had caused Vincent to lose his sanity, and he could only regain it by forgetting her...
Father's voice startled her out of her painful thoughts.
"Why did you need to see me so urgently?"
"I know I agreed to remain Above, and wait, but something happened and I have to change my plans." She straightened her shoulders and looked right into Father's eyes. "I'm claiming shelter Below."
He started. "You're...what? Catherine, we've discussed it already, I don't think your presence Below could benefit either you or Vincent. As long as he doesn't remember you, it would do more harm than good, especially to you!"
She shook her head. "Father, I have to go and live Below. I have no other choice."
"No other choice? What happened? Are you in danger?"
Catherine took a deep breath before answering. "I'm pregnant. With Vincent's child."
The old man took the blow and remained a few seconds with his mouth agape, gasping for air. "You are...Oh dear God! Catherine, are you sure? I mean about the pregnancy." he hastily added. He may have been suspicious of her in the past, but the days and nights they had spent worrying for Vincent together had brought a better understanding between them. Catherine's love for his son was deep and strong, and if she was indeed pregnant, there was no doubt in Jacob Wells' heart that the child was Vincent's, however impossible it might seem.
Catherine nodded. "Yes, very sure. I had it double-checked by a second doctor, and she did an ultrasound. Everything seems perfectly normal, so far."
"How? When? I didn't know that you and Vincent..."
"Down in that cavern, before you found us." Father seemed shocked by the revelation and she went on. "Father, he... died. I felt him go!" Her eyes filled with anguish as she relived the terrible moment. "I just couldn't let him go! I screamed at him and took him in my arms, and... kissed him, and just as I was beginning to lose hope he came back to me. It happened then."
Father moved to sit down close to her and take her in his arms. He held her a long time, rocking her gently as she sobbed helplessly on his shoulder, his own tears running down his cheeks. Not until that moment had he been able to fully measure the depth of Catherine's loss, and aloneness. She had fought with all the strength of her love to bring Vincent back from the verge of death, maybe even from death itself, and he had come back to his family and friends, but still was lost to her. How unfair and terrible! Father chastised himself for having felt relief when she'd agreed not to come Below until Vincent himself asked for her, for having harbored the selfish, short-sighted thought that maybe things were better that way, that both Vincent and Catherine would now be able to go on with their separate lives...how wrong he'd been! Yet the problem remained. When Catherine finally calmed down and pulled away from him, he looked into her tear-filled eyes.
"Catherine, have you thought of Vincent's reaction? He's much better now, and doesn't have any more nightmares, so I'm reasonably sure no violence is to be feared, but there still might be some distress, and at best you'll be a stranger to him. Living Below might be... terribly difficult for you."
She shook her head. "I know. But it's not about me anymore, Father. It's not even about Vincent. I have to do what's best for my baby, now." She squared her shoulders. "No one Above must know about my pregnancy, and my child has to be born Below. In case..."
"I understand." She was right, of course, given the possibility that the child would take after its father. "When do you want to come Below?"
"Day after tomorrow, if possible."
"So soon?" Father objected. "You're only" he did rapid math in his head "twelve weeks pregnant. It will be a few more weeks until it begins to show, maybe you could..."
"Father, the problem will be the same in a few weeks..."
"And what about your life Above. Won't you be... missed?"
"Everything is arranged. I took an indefinite leave of absence from my job, and told my friends I'd be travelling for some time, and I'd keep in touch with Peter."
Father nodded with a sigh. "Very well. I'll call a Council meeting tonight and submit your request. Merely a formality, as I don't think anyone Below would dream of opposing your coming. They miss you."
"And I miss them too, Father. I miss them so much!"
Father lowered his eyes, realizing that by forbidding Catherine to come Below he'd deprived her of the only family she had left, leaving her to face the trial alone. Even without Vincent she had friends Below, people she could talk to freely and share her sorrow with, and he'd denied her access to the only place where she could find understanding, and some measure of comfort. She was a member of their family, and he had badly let her down!
"They'll all be glad to see you, my dear. What shall I tell the Council?"
Catherine thought that over for a moment. "Is Vincent still a Council member?" she inquired.
"Yes. As he got better, he progressively resumed all his community duties."
"Then I suppose you had to help him catch up with all those months he's lost. What does he know about me?"
Father shook his head, looking somewhat embarrassed. "Nothing. I didn't know how he'd react to the mention of your name. Of course we've had to tell him of some things that happened in the past years, if only to explain for the new people in the community... and the missing ones as well, but we remained rather vague, and strangely enough he didn't insist, as if he knew the full truth might be painful."
Catherine nodded, thinking they must have been very vague indeed, considering that all the important events that had occurred Below in that period had included her, but she understood Father's need to protect Vincent... and Vincent's unconscious need to protect himself.
"If you announce that 'a Helper named Catherine' claims shelter Below for serious reasons of her own, no questions asked, do you think it will be enough?"
"Certainly." he reassured her. "And what about...?"
"My pregnancy?" She shrugged. "They will know soon enough, so you may just as well tell them that too."
"I will, requesting that no questions be asked."
"No questions asked." Catherine agreed. "But they'll wonder."
Father smiled wryly. "No, they won't. They'll know. Everyone will know... except Vincent. What do you intend to...?" he cautiously inquired.
Catherine closed her eyes to fight the threatening tears. "I don't know. I... I want my child to know its father, and I want Vincent to know his child, too, but from what you tell me he's not ready for that kind of revelation. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens in the next months. One day at a time, Father. It's the only way I can live right now. One day at a time."
She leaned back on the cushions, looking exhausted, and Father suddenly noticed, with a pang of guilt, how thin and frail she had become, how big her reddened, dark-rimmed eyes looked in her pale face. Pregnancy was adding its own toll to an already fragile physical condition caused by months of pain and worry, and as a physician he found her state alarming. It was high time he got her safely Below, where her family would take care of her. He only hoped the love and warmth she would find there would be enough to counterbalance the stress of Vincent's estrangement to her. Knowing his son, he even thought it likely that Vincent himself would do his best to make Catherine feel welcome Below. Would that comfort her, or pain her? Probably both...
He rose. "I'll go now, Catherine. You need to rest. Around what time can we expect you on Thursday?"
"In the afternoon. Say 3 PM? I'll arrange for Jeff to pick me up with his cab, and take me to Mrs Long's shop."
Father nodded his approval. Jeff was a long-time helper, and the entrance she'd chosen was the closest one to the hub. "Very well. I'll send people to meet you there and carry your things."
She hugged him tight. "Thank you, Father!"
"It's only normal, Catherine. Our family must take care of its own. I apologize for not remembering about that sooner. I'm the one who must thank you, for the gift of your presence...and for the precious, tiny miracle you're bringing to our community!" He was pleased to see her eyes brighten a little at the thought, and noticed that she put her hand on her abdomen in an unconscious, protective move. "And now, dear mother-to-be," he added in an almost cheerful voice "your doctor orders that you eat something and go to bed!"
That even got him a smile. "Yes sir, I will."
After Father had gone, Catherine leaned back on the door, letting out a sigh of relief. She had expected things to be much harder. She hadn't hoped Father might be as readily acceptant and supportive. Maybe she'd been prejudiced. Father was very protective of Vincent, but he did love her, just as she loved him. And he trusted her, too. It warmed her to the heart that he hadn't questioned Vincent's part in her pregnancy for a single second.
Deep inside her, something that had remained tightly wound for weeks began to soften, loosening its painful grip on her heart. She wasn't alone anymore. Father was taking charge. Her family Below was going to take care of her!
Along with relief came exhaustion, and she was tempted to go straight to bed, yet obediently heeded Father's admonition and heated a bowl of soup first. She didn't feel hungry at all, and had to force herself to swallow the first spoonfuls, but the well-being that started spreading throughout her as the nourishing warmth reached her empty stomach made her realize how much she'd neglected her own health. She must think of her child now... no doubt Father would make sure of that! Smiling fondly at the thought, she finished her soup and completed her meal with some yoghurt and fruit, before heading to her bed. She undressed quickly and slipped under the covers, feeling more relaxed and comfortable that she had in weeks as a blissful drowsiness overcame her. Soon she would be Below...and she would see Vincent! For a second the nagging pain came back to bite at her. Vincent had forgotten her, how could she stand to face him? Yet those sad feelings weren't strong enough to dampen the joy that invaded her at the prospect of seeing him again at last...
Catherine was smiling as she went to sleep.