Dr. Seuss Explains
Why Father is in a Robe on a Fur Rug to You.
With apologies to Dr. Seuss, and Seuss fans everywhere.
If you’re wondering why Father’s on a fur rug on the floor,
And you know that there’s a story there (and just a little more),
Just please know that this all started with some things beneath his table -
Some old pin-ups of Jayne Mansfield, also one of Betty Grable.
Betty Grable’s iconic pin-up pose from WW II.
Miss Mary disapproved you see, and made her censure known,
As Jacob tried to pass them off as William’s, not his own.
But our Mary wasn’t fooled ‘cause she was not born yesterday,
So she sat down at the chess set and said “Father, shall we play?
“The loser strikes a cheesecake pose; the winner sets the scene.
Since you seem to think such photographs are oh-so-flattering.”
And Jacob sat down opposite her, sure he’d get his way,
Because he wasn’t sure he’d ever even seen her play.
“Now Mary, for you to challenge me, it surely makes no sense.”
Said Jacob. (She just moved a pawn and started her offense.)
“It’s just I’ve played this game for years; I think I know what’s what.”
But Mary wasn’t backing down to Betty Grable’s butt.
One good Queen’s Gambit later, Mary had him dead to rights,
As she took away his bishops and then went after his knights.
As the game went on, it became clear that Jacob couldn’t beat her.
Because while he’d studied Grable she had studied Bobby Fischer!
So if you think this pic’s impossible, or some nightmarish dream,
Or you think that this is like where nothing’s really as it seems,
Take heart, you gentle reader. Father isn’t crazy yet;
Poor Jacob didn’t lose his mind, it’s just he lost a bet!
No matter where you are
Illustrations supplied by the author