by Zara » Wed May 14, 2014 8:03 am
222333 wrote:
"Gone were but the Winter, Come were but the Spring, I would go to a covert Where the birds sing…” Lucy kept repeating the words in her head, like a mantra. It had become a habit for her, to cling to the beautiful words of the poems, whenever… the things that her clients were doing to her were far from poetic. This night, she had needed much poetry to stand… she shook her head and deliberately blocked that train of thoughts, thinking instead of the shower she was going to take, of the nice little pink pill that would erase everything and make her sleep a dreamless slumber, of the money in her purse making it worth… Worth? Again she blocked her thoughts and looked around her in the street, on her way home. The streetlamps were her only company in at this late hour, the noise of her heels marking her wary pace. No, not her only company, she realized, alarmed. She caught the a glimpse of a silent shadow walking behind her, her hand ready to grab the spray can into her purse. And then she relaxed, slowing down and letting the shadow fall into pace with her. “Hello Isaac,” she smiled. “Looking for company?” she added out of worn out habit, gratefully knowing he was not.
"When" works just as well as "whenever." I put in the suggestion to indicate a continuing or ongoing nature of Lucy's experiences. Whenever can connote a repetition, or expectation, of past events occurring again in the present and anticipated future.
"Train of thoughts" is grammatically correct, but the usual phrase is "train of thought," where the "thought" is singular.
Do you wish to identify the kind of spray can she has in her purse? Pepper spray, hair spray, insecticide spray...
"Fall into pace" is, again, grammatically correct, but something like "fall into step with her," or "match her pace," would glide more easily through the English imagination.
~*~
Isaac's broad grin flashed like a friendly meteor in the night. "Only if the company wants to be looked for," he said. "I saw you cross the street a couple blocks back. Thought I'd come say hello. Mind if I walk you home?"
[quote="222333"]
[i]"Gone were but the Winter, Come were but the Spring, I would go to a covert Where the birds sing…”[/i] Lucy kept repeating the words in her head, like a mantra. It had become a habit for her, to cling to the beautiful words of the poems, when[color=#FF0000]ever[/color]… the things that her clients were doing to her were far from poetic. This night, she had needed much poetry to stand… she shook her head and deliberately blocked that [u]train of thoughts[/u], thinking instead of the shower she was going to take, of the nice little pink pill that would erase everything and make her sleep a dreamless slumber, of the money in her purse making it worth… Worth? Again she blocked her thoughts and looked around her in the street, on her way home. The streetlamps were her only company [u][color=#FF0000]in[/color][/u] [color=#FF0000][b]at [/b][/color]this late hour, the noise of her heels marking her wary pace. No, not her only company, she realized, alarmed. She caught [color=#FF0000][u]the[/u][/color][color=#FF0000][b] a[/b][/color] glimpse of a silent shadow walking behind her, her hand ready to grab the spray can in[color=#FF0000][u]to[/u][/color] her purse. And then she relaxed, slowing down and letting the shadow [u]fall into pace[/u] with her. “Hello Isaac,” she smiled. “Looking for company?” she added out of worn out habit, gratefully knowing he was not.[/quote]
"When" works just as well as "whenever." I put in the suggestion to indicate a continuing or ongoing nature of Lucy's experiences. Whenever can connote a repetition, or expectation, of past events occurring again in the present and anticipated future.
"Train of thoughts" is grammatically correct, but the usual phrase is "train of thought," where the "thought" is singular.
Do you wish to identify the kind of spray can she has in her purse? Pepper spray, hair spray, insecticide spray...
"Fall into pace" is, again, grammatically correct, but something like "fall into step with her," or "match her pace," would glide more easily through the English imagination.
~*~
Isaac's broad grin flashed like a friendly meteor in the night. "Only if the company wants to be looked for," he said. "I saw you cross the street a couple blocks back. Thought I'd come say hello. Mind if I walk you home?"