After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

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After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:56 am


"Then I'll come for you. On Thursday night."

"I'll be here."

-- (Chamber Music)

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:53 pm

Ten minutes. Twenty. Twenty-five and Catherine knew he wasn't coming. She'd waited at her basement entrance for him, fairly sure he'd not be there, even though he said he would. Even though the arrangements to meet had only happened a few days ago. Even though she knew it was a thing they would both enjoy. Somehow, Catherine knew he wouldn't be here to meet her, even though he'd said he would 'come for her, on Thursday night.'. Truth to tell, she'd barely remembered, herself, only recalling at all because she'd written it on her calendar the night Vincent had taken her to hear Schubert.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:00 pm

*
Leaning with her back against the rough wall, a little bent, arms crossed against her chest, she waited anyway, absently staring at her pumps, without seeing them. Or better, seeing the incongruity of those perfect shoes, which a Vogue editor would approve for a Met premiere, on the dusty concrete floor of the dusty tunnels of the dusty underworld.

.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 6:35 pm

"Dusty" also had described Rolley, who was likely the reason Vincent had forgotten to meet her. Sleeping on the street had left him covered with a certain amount of the dirt, dust and grime that came with that. Not to mention the despair. Catherine wondered if 'despair' was a 'dusty' emotion, as she pushed away from the wall and decided to go looking for Vincent. She knew he wouldn't be in the Music Chamber. At least, not the Music Chamber where even now, strains of Brandenburg Concerto number three were wafting down. Vincent would likely be in a different music chamber though, and a disconcertingly quiet one. One with a grand piano.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Mon Nov 10, 2014 5:46 am

*
There. The great shadow appeared in the distance beyond the next turn when the clicking of the pumps heels on the dusty concrete had not yet echoed for more than ten minutes. She stopped, and looked at him, coming in her direction. The cloak billowed with the hurried and fluid strides, the hood did not conceal the shining mane. Her heart skipped the usual beat, marvelling at the magic that was Vincent. And she sort of felt the admiring, and somewhat guilty look he enveloped her in, taking in the beauty of her appearance, the clicking pumps being only one detail of the care she had put in preparing for this evening. “Catherine, I’m sorry,” he said when he was at a hearing distance.

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This sentence "The great shadow appeared in the distance beyond the next turn when the clicking of the pumps heels on the dusty concrete had not yet echoed for more than ten minutes."

runs on a bit because of all the ideas you are faithfully trying to incorporate and describe. You have his shadow on the wall, her clicking heels echoing and the fact that it's been ten minutes. May I suggest moving it around or breaking it up some? For instance. "She'd not walked more than ten minutes, her heels clicking on the stones (pumps heels just sounds a bit awkward) when she knew he was coming around the next, distant turn.. The echo caused by her pumps hitting the dusty concrete collided with his great shadow, just before his great presence filled the hallway."

Maybe not exactly that, but something like it?

I love your description of his entering in a hurry to intercept her, realizing he's late.

Question: when you say "And she sort of felt the admiring, and somewhat guilty look" are you trying to say that feeling was a faint one? ("Sort of") If you aren't, I would delete the word 'sort of.' If, on the other hand, you're trying to express something else, I'd be glad to help you to it.
" And she sort of felt the admiring, and somewhat guilty look he enveloped her in, taking in the beauty of her appearance, the clicking pumps being only one detail of the care she had put in preparing for this evening.

I am tempted to punctuate that sentence like this. And she {sort of} delete felt the admiring, and somewhat guilty look he enveloped her in, {as he took in, so delete 'taking in} taking in the beauty of her appearance,{period, rather than the comma} then upper case 'T' for The the clicking pumps being{omit being and substitute 'were' instead.} only one detail of the care she had put in[into] preparing for this evening.

So the reworked sentence would read "And she felt the admiring and somewhat guilty look he enveloped her in as he took in the beauty of her appearance. The clicking pumps were only one detail of the care she had put into preparing for the evening."


----------


There. The clicking of her incongruous heels on the dusty concrete had not yet echoed for more than ten minutes, when the great, dark shape appeared in the distance. She stopped, and looked at him, coming in her direction. The cloak billowed with the hurried and fluid strides, the hood did not conceal the shining mane. Her heart skipped the usual beat, marvelling at the magic that was Vincent. And she almost physically felt his admiring, and somewhat guilty look as he took in the beauty of her appearance. The fashion pumps were only one detail of the care she had put into preparing for this evening. “Catherine, I’m sorry,” he said when he was at a hearing distance.

-------------


There. The clicking of her incongruous heels on the dusty concrete had not yet{omit 'yet'} echoed for more than ten minutes, when the great, dark shape appeared in the distance. She stopped, and looked at him,{'watched him' rather than 'looked at him' might be a better word choice, here} coming in her direction. The cloak billowed with the[substitute 'his' for 'the' since the strides belong to him} hurried and fluid strides, {and} the {lowered} hood did not conceal the shining mane. Her heart skipped the usual beat, marvelling at the magic that was Vincent. And she almost physically felt his admiring,{delete comma for a better flow unless you feel strongly about keeping it. I do the same thing.} and somewhat guilty look as he took in the beauty of her appearance. The fashion pumps were only one detail of the care she had put into preparing for this evening. “Catherine, I’m sorry,” he said when he was at a hearing distance.

-------------


There. The clicking of her incongruous heels on the dusty concrete had not echoed for more than ten minutes, when the great, dark shape appeared in the distance. She stopped, and watched him, coming in her direction. The cloak billowed with his hurried and fluid strides, and the lowered hood did not conceal the shining mane. Her heart skipped the usual beat, marvelling at the magic that was Vincent. And she almost physically felt his admiring and somewhat guilty look as he took in the beauty of her appearance. The fashion pumps were only one detail of the care she had put into preparing for this evening. “Catherine, I’m sorry,” he said when he was at a hearing distance.


.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Tue Nov 11, 2014 7:44 am

"Don't. Don't apologize," she clarified, loving, always loving the sensation of going into his huge arms. He enveloped her and the hug seemed a bit tighter than usual. Either as a further expression of his contrition or something else. She lingered inside the embrace, trying to take all he was feeling into her small frame. "You look beautiful," he said. "I was supposed to meet you. I ... I remembered earlier, I think. I was just..." he let the sentence drift. Her voice was an understanding balm. "You've been worried. And distracted. Tell me?" How odd that sentence was, coming from her. It was the one he usually used to invite her to share her troubles or sorrows. Now she was using it on him. Was that what he was feeling? Troubles and sorrows? But they were Rolley's troubles, weren't they?

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Fri Nov 14, 2014 4:11 am

*
She softly added: “It’s Rolley, isn’t it?”

...

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:23 pm

"I can't stop... thinking about him. About his all of it. Mostly... about his aloneness. So alone, in your world, yet he won't come down here. Catherine," his eyes held shadows of memory, "I know what that 'alone' feeling can do to you. I know how it... how it hurts."

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:19 pm

*

“How, Vincent? Will you tell me… please?” Again that little sentence, knocking on the doors of his soul to share the anguish. He looked down at her... at the end of his aloneness there, in his arms.

..

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Mon Nov 17, 2014 4:45 pm

"That feeling that there is no help for you. No hope for you. The feeling that there is no... no solace, no rest. No one to share the deepest part of yourself," The deepest part of herself. The part she'd told him she knew would endure, with him. The part of him he knew, abided with her. "I think Rolley carries that, now. That alone, that helpless feeling, deep inside. But how can that be, Catherine? How can it, when so many here love him, so many here wish him well? Would give him a life? He wouldn't have to take the music back, again... I know there are those here who would understand if he never played another note, but.." he cast a wistful eye back toward the music chamber he'd come from. She'd been studying him, and the storm swept eyes that could own his soul were full of sympathy.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Tue Nov 18, 2014 9:25 am

*
“… but you dream of a miracle.” He slowly nodded, and with a sigh released her, taking her hands instead. She squeezed his, and said with fervor: “Miracles do happen, Vincent. And what happened the other day is nothing short of a miracle. He was just another desperate addict among so many others. But for a moment… he was Rolley again. And now he knows that you’re waiting for him.” He looked at her, uncertainly. “Yes, Vincent. Now he knows that he’s not alone anymore… if he wants. You offered him… hope. Something changed for him… already. Even if he doesn't have the strength to change anything else… now he has something good to play with in his mind, perhaps something to dream about.” She had a little smile, and added, “Maybe you know this feeling too?”

.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:30 am

He blinked a moment, the blue eyes remembering, as he made the connection between Rolley and himself. He'd had people who loved him, yes. Father, Mary, Rebecca, Mouse, a host of children and a brother she'd helped bring home. Yet he still knew she'd been the 'end of his aloneness.' His miracle. His Catherine. He'd loved Devin for dreaming dreams that included him. He wasn't sure when he began dreaming dreams that included Catherine. Dreams he'd never dared speak of, in detail. There was so much, encompassed in that word for him. "Our Dream." "The Dream we share." A dream he knew he needed, now, to breathe, and that was no understatement. He could not imagine his life, anymore, without her, without that dream, inside it. He realized how right she was. "I think when it first started, it all but overwhelmed me. And I remember fighting against it, at first. Afraid," he admitted.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:37 am

**
They had started to walk without even realizing they were doing it. The direction was vaguely toward the hub, and Vincent’s arm almost reflexively encircled Catherine’s midriff, steadying her, while she leaned against him. Easier for her to walk on her high heels this way, but not only that. Her confident nestling against his powerful and possessive frame wordlessly affirmed that, whatever he was going to say about being afraid, he should definitely use the past tense. “Afraid to dream?”, she prompted.

*
They had started to walk without even realizing they were doing it. The direction was vaguely toward the Hub, and Vincent’s arm almost reflexively sneaked around Catherine’s midriff, sustaining her, while she leaned against him. Easier for her to walk on her high heels that way, but not only. Her confident abandon against his powerful and possessive frame wordlessly affirmed that, whatever he was going to say about being afraid, he should definitely use the past tense. “Afraid to dream?”, she prompted.

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Fri Nov 21, 2014 4:21 pm

He inclined his noble head. "To dream... can be a dangerous thing, Catherine. Some people say dreams are not real, and can therefore do us no harm. I don't think that is true. I think Rolley lost his dreams and lost himself, in the losing. I think I ... dream carefully, sometimes, afraid to want too much."

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Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Sat Nov 22, 2014 5:02 am

*
They took some steps in silence. He lifted his hand in a quick gesture, and Catherine understood that he was waving at a sentry. The exact position of posts was still a puzzle for her. “Dream carefully,” she said pensively. “How can these two words belong with the same sentence?”

.

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