After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post Reply
User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 8:26 am

*
A sharp intake of breath and a sudden shocked feeling from Catherine distracted him. She was staring, wide eyed, at something that a puzzled Rebecca had just removed from the fissure between two keys. A scrap of paper. In trembling letters, someone had written “Please” on it. And a half 100 dollars bill was folded into it.

.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:26 pm

Catherine knew its counterpart was in her wallet. Vincent didn't, since he hadn't realized it had taken half a picture of Benjamin Franklin to get Rolley to leave the sanctuary of the men's shelter. Vincent's understanding was beginning to dawn. "Wow! Is that a hundred dollar bill?" Zach asked, as Rebecca held out the mutilated currency. Zach intended to reach for it, but Vincent stood closer, and his arms were longer. It was. And the handwriting was not unknown, to Vincent. There was even sheet music in the piano seat which resembled it, vaguely. Words like 'andante' and 'forte' penciled in above the bars of music. Reminders to play a certain way, at a certain time.

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:21 am

*
“This is… from him,” he said. At those words, the excited voices commenting the finding fell silent. “From Rolley,” he added. But the astonished onlookers who surrounded him did not need the clarification.
.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 7:55 pm

"He's asking for something," Catherine commented, eyeing the note. "It says 'Please.'" Vincent's eyes held hers over the hundred, and she dropped her gaze after a moment, caught at needing to bribe Rolley into seeing him.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Mon Dec 08, 2014 7:57 pm

*
Ok fine, ok done (in the clean copy).


222333 wrote:*
“This is… from him,” he said. At those words, the excited voices commenting the finding fell silent. “From Rolley,” he added. But the astonished onlookers who surrounded him did not need the clarification.
.

Insert the word 'on' after 'commenting,' and change 'find' to 'finding.' - So it reads 'the excited voices commenting on the find fell silent.'

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Wed Dec 10, 2014 12:35 pm

*
"Message in a piano instead of message in a bottle. Ok good, ok fine. But... sentries alerted. When? How?" Mouse voiced what everyone was thinking. He looked around him in the wide chamber. "Where?"

.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:08 pm

"Perhaps that is a question best asked of Rolley," Vincent commented, watching Catherine as she rather guiltily took the half of the hundred which he extended to her. "Perhaps he is saying 'please' because he wants the rest of his money." Catherine's eyes looked troubled, and a bit down. She clearly did not believe that was the case. If he wanted the money, he was due it. He'd fulfilled the obligation of speaking to Vincent to earn it. "Or perhaps it is as he says it is. Rolley wants our help," Vincent tilted his head to the side a bit as he watched the now wadded money disappear inside Catherine's pocket. Vincent still held the note. "Mouse, you know the tunnels between here and MacIntyre Street better than anyone. Is there a way Rolley might have come?"

*
I don't understand exactly what you mean.
he wants his money -
it's not the case: if the wanted, he was due it.

why it's not the case? it seems to me that it IS the case: he wants his money, as he'd fulfilled the obligation.

By the way, is Vincent speaking here, or is the second line of dialogue said by Catherine?


Sorry to have muddied the waters, my friend!

Vincent is speaking, throughout this. He's realizing for the first time that money was involved in getting Rolley to speak with him. He's asking if (or supposing that) the word 'please' on half the hundred is a request for the other half. Catherine doesn't think that's so. But she's also now 'caught' in having to admit that she paid Rolley, even though that's something of a secondary consideration to Rolley's safety/recovery.
Last edited by cindyrae77 on Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Tue Dec 16, 2014 5:07 am

*
“Woah! Wait a minute!” Robert hollered. He was squatted beside his zipbag with his tuning tools. “Are you speaking of that half bill and note?” With a certain effort, he stood up and came toward the piano. “I found it. It fell at my feet when I opened the sliding doors at the Central Park gate to come here. Someone had slipped it there. Why Rolley? Can be anyone. I meant to go to Father and show it to him after I’m done here.”

.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:35 pm

"It's from Rolley," Catherine said with certainty, aware of Vincent's blue gaze still upon her. Unless there was someone else with half a hundred dollar bill to spare in the Tunnels. Catherine turned to face Vincent's quiet perusal. "I can go get the other part of the bill and meet you at the Central Park Entrance," Catherine told him. "That is... if you think that's what he's after." Please my love. Please. Just a little more careful dreaming, she thought. Just a little more, for your friend.

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Sun Dec 21, 2014 3:08 pm

*
“It seems you know something we don’t know,” Jamie said, looking at the silent exchange between Catherine and Vincent. “Okay, whatever,” she added, in a matter-of-factly tone. “Do you think that if it was him, he may be still there now, hiding, waiting?”

.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:08 pm

“Okay, whatever,” she added, in a matter-of-factly tone

This is very good for Jamie, but it is either "she added, matter-of-factly" or "in a matter-of-fact tone." I like the latter, better.

"I think that at this moment, with Rolley, anything is likely," Vincent answered, going toward the door. "Catherine needs to go and fetch something." He looked at her kindly, yet with meaning. "And so do I. Keep working, Jamie. There may yet be a concert here. And if there isn't..." he paused, and caught Catherine's expression, begging him to hope. "And if there isn't, a little careful dreaming will do no harm."

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:00 am

*
"Catherine smiled, a grateful smile. "Yes, I need to go change into something different... for now," she added with a vague gesture indicating her beautiful gown. "See you at the gate." And she hurried off.


.

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:57 am

Vincent's steps through the passageways of his home were rapid, but he didn't run. If the note was from Rolley (and Vincent knew it was) then either he was there, waiting, or he'd changed his mind and gone again. Vincent was still having trouble reconciling the gifted, shy prodigy of a youth with the shattered human being he'd reconnected with only a few nights before. "Please." Such a word, and so fraught with meaning. A plea for help? A request for the rest of the money, the one most likely to get it? For something else? Did Rolley have one, just one careful dream left inside him? Vincent didn't know. He'd learned much about addicts and addiction, while he lived Below. Some of the lessons had been hard ones. Addicts were notoriously changeable, depending on a great many things. But there was no doubt that a deep sorrow had taken hold of Rolley, and never loosened its grip.

User avatar
222333
Site Admin
Posts: 468
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 4:50 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by 222333 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 7:23 am

*
you wrote:
"Catherine needs to go and fetch something." He looked at her kindly, yet with meaning. "And so do I. -- "

So, I need to take him to his chamber, before going to the gate, right?

S

cindyrae77
Posts: 112
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:07 am
Location:
Website:

Re: After "Chamber Music" DRAFT

Post by cindyrae77 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:47 pm

Ack! My bad! i hate to admit this, but I can't remember what I was planning on having him go get. I think (originally,) i was thinking of a book of sheet music, for some reason. It's my drop of the ball. If you want him to go right to the entrance, go ahead, and I'll edit off the sentence "So do I." If you want to use it for him to fetch something, on the other hand, be my guest.

Post Reply

Return to “DRAFT”