January 4th, 1943

My Dearest Rivka,

What a way to start the New Year! Well, my lady, we got here all right, although where 'here' is I can't tell you. All I can say is that it's cold and snowy, and I miss my home and my lady dreadfully already. What I would give to be sitting in my chair with you on my lap, smothering you in kisses. I promise I'll do just that when I get home.
We've dug in, and for the first time in months I'm back sleeping in a tent. My lads are all young and keen, too keen in a way. They seem to think Fritz bullets will bounce right off. They'll soon be learning the hard way if I don't knock some sense into them.
Anyway, enough about me. What are you up to? Tell me everything you do, Rivka, in your letters, please, I beg you. It helps me a lot if you can share even the silly things. What you had for supper (soup, I bet!) and what happened at the hospital that day. Anything that makes me feel like I can be with you for just a little while. There's not much to do out here other than shoot at Germans, so I will have a lot of time on my hands and what could be better than reading about you and what's happening at home.
I have to sign off now, as it's dinner time and I'm hungry. When am I not hungry! The food's not bad, but I could do with you being here to show the cooks how to make a decent pot of soup. Well, at least the food's hot, even though we're rationed, but that's not a surprise.
I miss you, my lady. I hope to be home soon, I promise.

Nikolai.

********************

9 January 1943

My darling Niko,

Your letter arrived this morning at the hospital. brought by one of the ambulance drivers. Bless the lad, he came straight to find me and said "Major Koulikov says I'm to give you this letter personally, and he says if I don't he'll have my guts for garters!" The poor boy was shaking in his boots - you really shouldn't threaten them, my sweet. Still, I told him your bark was far worse than your bite, and not to be afraid of you because you're nothing but a big, gentle bear. See, I've managed to completely ruin your reputation already!
It was so good to hear from you, Niko. I miss you so much. Our home is empty without you, and everywhere I look there are things that belong to you and make me feel warm inside. But life would be just perfect if you could come home right now , and be safe and warm and well-fed. But that's not going to happen, at least for a little while, so I must just wait and hope and pray that you keep safe.
So, you want me to tell you what is happening here. Well, not a lot, really. The hospital is, as always, packed out with wounded. I told Oleg I would be happy to work extra hours, but he won't let me. He says he doesn't need his nurses falling over with exhaustion, so I'm still working my usual shift. Little Anna (you remember Anna Svenskaya? The little nurse that used to bring you tea?) had her billet bombed out yesterday, and she lost all of her things, poor girl. She was going to stay in the bomb shelter, but I've offered to let her stay here until she can get organised. She's good company, Niko, and such a sweet girl. Oleg is charmed by her, but won't say anything. The silly man thinks she won't look at him! Little does he know … perhaps I should try my hand at matchmaking. What do you think?
Oh yes, before I forget. I've taken up knitting. Now, you're to stop laughing right this minute, Nikolai Koulikov, because I have enclosed my very first effort. I hope the hat fits. The flaps come down and you can wear it under your helmet to stop your head getting cold. I'm trying out a pattern for socks at the moment. I've also enclosed a cake. I found some dried apricots while I was organising my shelves, and I know how much you love sweet things (remember the peaches?) so I baked you a fruit cake. Maybe you could share it with your lads.
I'll finish now, as I want to send the parcel with the young driver you frightened the wits out of. He'll make sure it gets to you, he says, and he seems a nice boy.
Take care of yourself, my Niko, and keep safe for me. Don't do anything silly like get yourself hurt, and keep warm and eat properly. I miss you so very, very much. Write as soon as you can.

Rivka

*******************
14th January 1943

My Dearest Rivka,

I finally got your parcel today. That young driver you sent with it isn't a bad lad, as you said, and he told me you looked fine when he saw you. I wish it had been me. I want to see you so badly, Rivka, and I miss waking up to your warmth and kindness every day. It's hard here, my lady, and I want to come home but I know my lads are depending on me and I can't let them down by not paying attention and watching out for them.
Sorry I sound so down, Rivka. I just miss you, that's all. By the way, your hat is nice and warm, and I'm wearing it now. I'm sitting in a bombed-out church and trying to keep warm, and young Filipov has just brought me a mug of hot tea. Oh, I don't think I've told you about Filipov yet, have I? He's a nice lad from Irkutsk, and he's a clown, I can tell you. He keeps us all cheerful, and is always cracking jokes. He may not be very bright, but I don't know what we would do without him. The lads want me to thank you for the cake, it cheered us up no end, and it tasted wonderful! But as their Major I kept the last bit for myself, and I just wish I could have sat at the table with you and eaten it. I even licked my fingers afterwards, it was that good. Promise you'll bake me a cake as soon as I get home, Rivka.
The Germans are causing us a bit of trouble, I suppose, and we have to keep our heads down, but that's nothing new and you're not to worry one little bit. I'm fine. I promise I'll be back as soon as I can.

Nikolai.
PS - I hope little Anna has settled in all right, and I think she will suit that idiot doctor very well. She'll be a fine wife to him. Match-make all you like, Rivka. You matched us well enough! I miss you, my lady.
Your Niko.

*******************

January 23, 1943

My dear, darling Niko,

It's been a rough day today. I wish you were here so that I could curl up next to you and feel your arms around me so that I could go to sleep and not dream, but I can't. So, my Niko, I found your old shirt, the one you were wearing when that wall fell on you, and wrapped myself around that instead. Don't worry - it was clean. I washed the blood off long ago!
But anyway, I' suppose I must tell you why it was such a bad day. Vassili came into the hospital this evening carrying Tania in his arms. The poor, poor girl had been shot, Niko. The stupid doctor that looked at her said she wouldn't live, and Vassili was just about ready to shoot him he was so distraught. But Oleg stepped in just in time, and decided it was worth trying to do something for her. He operated then and there, but it doesn't look too good, Niko. Even if she survives, Oleg told me privately that she could never have children. They had to remove her uterus and some intestine, and I don't know if she'll survive. If she stabilises tomorrow, she'll be moved over the river into one of the better-equipped hospitals. Poor lass. And dear Vassili is being shipped out to the front tomorrow. I left him sitting beside her bed just an hour ago, and he doesn't know what to do. I just wish I could do something for them both, but I can't.
Oh, Nikolai, what are we to do? This war is tearing the world apart, and there seems to be nothing anyone can do to stop it. I miss you so much. Anna is wonderful company, and she cheers me up, but I so wish you were here, safe and sound, lying in my arms. I worry all the time, and every time an ambulance arrives I feel my heart almost stop, terrified that one of these days I'll see you being carried into the hospital on a stretcher. I'm sorry, love. It's been a long day, and I'm tired and sad and you're not here to make the pain go away, so I feel a little sorry for myself. Goodnight, my Niko. I'll finish this letter tomorrow as I'll probably be in a better mood.

Morning. 24th January.
Good morning, love. I'm sitting writing this in a hurry before I go to work, and Anna is sitting opposite in your seat, drinking tea out of your mug! What do you think of that! Vassili came by half an hour ago to tell me Tania made it through the night, and she's being sent over the river this morning. Vassili hasn't had a wink of sleep and he's off to God knows where in a couple of hours, so I promised him I would keep an eye out for Tania, and tell him where they send her.
I must go now, and I'll send this with young Andrei as I did before. He's a good lad, and make sure you don't growl at him this time, my sweet! Write to me as soon as you can - I live only to hear from you. Be safe, my Niko, and keep your head down. I miss you so much.

Rivka
PS - I've almost finished a pair of socks for you. I'll send them with Andrei as soon as I can.

****************
January 26, 1943
Niko,

Here are the socks I promised. Hope they fit. Can't stop as I'm working an extra shift and Andrei said he was heading your way, wherever that is, today. Miss you very, very much. Be safe. Be well, my dear Niko.

Rivka

****************
1st February 1943

My dear, clever Rivka,

Thank you for the socks! They're a perfect fit, and at last I have dry feet again! What a difference. Sorry I took a little time to reply, but we moved forward a few days ago and it took Andrei a little time to find us.
I was very upset to hear about Tania. She's a sweet, dear girl and shouldn't have been here in the middle of this hell-hole. But such is life, Rivka, and if it hadn't been for the war I would never have met you. Please, my lady, keep me up to date on how she is if you can, and don't be too hard on yourself. I wish I could have been there to help. Poor Vassili. I hope he's coping. I know how much he loves her.
It's been really cold these past few days, and I've been having problems thawing my boots out in the morning. I've resorted to the old trick of stuffing them with straw, and that helps a little. I couldn't trouble you for a pair of gloves, could I, my lady? Mine are getting a bit worn these days, and my hands get cold and achy at night. I must be getting old. The cold never used to bother me like it does now.
The Germans are retreating a little at a time out here, but the poor beggars are starving and riddled with lice. Sometimes you'll see a corpse just crawling with them. Our lads get them, but we've been hearing that the Germans are dying in their hundreds from Typhus, which, of course, they get from the lice. God, I hate lice. I had them once when I was a lad during the revolution and it gives me the shudders just thinking about it. I manage to get a little bit of a wash most days, usually by thawing some snow, so I'm in the clear.
Anyway, my lady, enough of creepy-crawlies! We've not had much in the way of rations lately, but I'm doing all right. I'm a big lad, so I probably feel it more than these skinny fellows from the South. But I'm fit and well, and I don't get shot at much. The lads are all doing well too, and ask after you. I think it's just because they want me to ask you for another cake. That would be just lovely.

Yours always,

Nikolai

****************

February 2nd, 1943


My darling Niko,

It's happened! The Germans in Stalingrad have surrendered! We heard at the hospital tonight, and the whole place just erupted with cheers! Thank God, my love, that it's all over! All I want now is for it all to end where you are and for you to come home safely. That is my greatest wish, Niko, as I miss you so much. I'm sorry, but I'm so happy that the fighting has stopped here, at least, and I couldn't wait to tell you.
I saw some German prisoners being marched past the hospital not long afterwards, and they looked so ill, poor boys. Just youngsters, most of them, very much like your lads. I felt so sorry for them. One of them collapsed in the snow and the guard just shot him where he lay. It was awful. What this war has done to men, Niko. It's dreadful, and I know you find it hard to deal with things that happen to you and to your men.
But at least Stalingrad can find peace, now. I hope peace comes to us all soon, and that men can go home to the people who love them. I miss you. Take care and keep safe.

Rivka

***************

5th February, 1943

My beautiful Rivka,
I got your letter this morning and was so happy to hear that Stalingrad can at last find some peace and quiet. We heard about it the morning after, and it did us all a lot of good to hear the news. The cooks made us extra rations in celebration, and young Filipov turned up with a bottle of brandy. God only knows where he got it from, but I wasn't about to ask. It certainly warmed the cockles of our hearts, I can tell you.
Now, Rivka, please remember that just because the fighting's finished there it doesn't mean it's any safer, so promise me that you'll be careful and keep safe for me. I miss your warm body next to mine, and I really miss your good food! Things have been quiet for the past couple of days so I've had time to wash my socks and scrub my hair. I was getting decidedly grubby, and I so wish I could have a nice hot bath (with you, of course!), a bowl of your good soup and then to crawl into bed with you and sleep for a month.
Must go, my lady, as it's time to move down the line. I miss you, and want you all the time.

Take care,
Niko

***********


February 7, 1943

My dear, hungry Niko,
I've managed to get together one or two things for you and your lads. Enclosed, a couple of jars of jam, a cake (as requested!), and the chocolate we had left over after the New Year. I think it's still all right, and I'm sure all of you strong, brave soldiers need it more than I do. For you, my Niko, I've sent a clean undershirt and two pairs of gloves. I'm all worried now, thinking that you're going to get frostbite, or rheumatism, or something like that, so please, please take care and keep as warm as you can.
News on the match-making front is going relatively well. Oleg and Anna had supper here last night. It took me a while to convince him to come and visit, but finally he did. I think he enjoyed himself, and the man eats like a horse. He's like you - he likes his food. Anna stopped blushing about thirty minutes later, and the pair of them got on like a house on fire. I think I can be quite pleased with myself, as they are talking to each other now like old friends. So, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?
I've had a letter from Vassili, and he's well, he says, although very worried about Tania. From what I've heard she's recovering, although she's devastated about being unable to have children. What a terrible blow for her. I wrote Vassili and told him, so I hope to hear from him soon. I'll let you know when he does.
Well, love, it's time for bed. Anna is on a night shift tonight, so I am alone. I hate it. It's awful, and lonely, and I miss the feel of your body next to mine. I miss watching you sleep, and I miss the feel of you as you love me. I miss the sound of your voice as you tell me about your day, and I miss the look of pleasure on your dear face as we make love. And, most of all, I miss holding you in my arms as you sleep, my sweet Niko. I want to kiss your face and body, and I want to soothe your hair until you lie quiet and still.
Keep well, love, and be careful. Come home soon.

Your Rivka

*******************
10th February, 1943
My sweet Rivka,

How are you today, my lady? I feel bad that you are alone. I should be there beside you, holding you in my arms.
I'm so tired, my beautiful Rivka. So very, very tired, and all I want to do is crawl into bed beside you and sleep. I haven't slept in two days, as we've been under heavy bombardment and it's a bit rough, but you're not to worry. I'm safe and sound, but I could do with some sleep. My bones ache I'm so tired. But I will be curling up in my greatcoat in a few minutes, and I will dream of being in your arms again, I know.
The gloves you sent have been a godsend, and I wear both pairs at the same time to try and keep my hands warm. It's the same with the undershirt. Thank god you sent it Rivka, as it's the first time I've been warm since I got here and I feel much better.
The lads and I had a feast with all of the stuff you sent us! Filipov made coffee for a change (he stole some from the Quartermaster stores - he's a light-fingered little bugger, that's why he's in the army) and the cake and chocolate was heaven! Filipov is going to try and snaffle a few more loaves of bread tomorrow and we'll have bread and jam for breakfast. I don't mind him thieving the odd bit of stuff, and I turn a blind eye as it's for the good of us all. He's a good sort really, and you would like him, Rivka. You would like all of them. Just boys, mainly, and they appreciate more than anything what you have done for them. I spend all my time growling at them and tearing them off a strip, trying to keep them alive, and you feed them and care for them like a mother hen. Between us I think we're doing a good job. I haven't lost one of them.
I must sign off now, my dearest Rivka, as I'm shattered and I need to get some kip. I'll write again soon. I miss you dreadfully.

Your Niko
PS - I've enclosed a note from my lads for you. They insisted.

******************
Dear Missus Velonina

The Major said we could write and thank you for all the stuff you sent but we were to call you Missus if thats all right. Its been along time since we had something sweet to eat and the jam was wonderful nice and tasty Filipov got some extra bread and will get some more tomorrow so we can have bread and jam for breckfast. The Major is fine and so are we. Josef is writing this as hes the Sergeant and most of us aren't very good at writing so please forgive. We just wanted to send our best wishes to you and hope you are well. Thanks again for the cake and chocolat and it made the day go much easier. We're all a long way from home Missus Velonina and most of us don't have much in the way of family so the gifts were wonderful.

Regards
Josef Lukin (Sergeant)
Yevgeniy Petrenko (Corporal)
Pyotr Yudin
Ruslan Ponomarev
Leonid Kovalenko
Sergei Denisov
Konstantin Filipov
Vadim Sorokin
Il'ya Lebedev
Arkadiy Kuzmin

****************

14th February 1943

Hello, my darling Niko.

Today is the Christian day of Saint Valentine, I believe, and this is the day for lovers. Last night I missed you so much as I lay in bed. I am cold and lonely without you, Niko. Come home soon, my dearest. I need you more than anything.
Your letter arrived very quickly this time. Andrei said he would be returning your way today, so this is a very quick letter just to tell you how much I miss you.
I'm worried, love, that you're not getting enough sleep. You've always been able to sleep anywhere, my Niko, even with all the noise we have here. I don't know how you do it, but I think you could fall asleep on hot coals if you had to! I just wish you could relax and rest, and not worry any more about anything. Never mind. When you come home I'll feed you lots of good, wholesome food and you can sleep for a week if you wish.
Please thank your lovely lads for the note! I was thrilled to receive they enjoyed the food. I wish I could send you all some decent food. I'm sure you need it. But I have enclosed in this parcel a jar of pickles, and yes … another cake! I have access to better rations now, and I managed to scrounge some dried fruit and dug out an old container of nuts. I have to use powdered eggs and milk, but the result isn't too bad. I also enclose a clean pair of longjohns, my love. I'm worried sick that you will get frostbite, so for goodness sake wrap up as well as you can! The scarf is from Anna. Vassili wrote and he is well, but I can't find out where they have sent Tania. Perhaps Danilov will know. He's a nice young man, and he will do what he can.
Take care, my love, keep safe and keep warm!!

Your Rivka
PS - tell Sergeant Lukin he writes a lovely letter, and I shall expect more.

******************

21st February 1943

My wonderful Rivka,

Thank you so much for the parcel. The longjohns were much appreciated, my lady, as it has been so very cold here for the past few days. My God, Rivka, I wish I was home. It hasn't been the best couple of days, I can tell you.
I don't know whether I should tell you really, but I can't keep it to myself. I have no-one else to talk to, and I feel pretty broken up, Rivka.
We came under heavy fire yesterday. By the end of it I had lost Lukin, Denisov and young Arkadiy Kuzmin. Don't worry, my sweet, I don't have a scratch on me, and I'm fine, but my lads … dear God Rivka, my lads took the brunt of it. Pyotr Yudin has been so badly wounded I don't know if he'll survive. I suppose you'll see him at the hospital if he lives that long. He'll come in the ambulance with Andrei. But the worst of it was writing the letters to their families this afternoon, a job I've never had to do before. I've mostly worked alone in this war, Rivka, and was only responsible for myself. But having to deal with this … it's just awful.
I'll tell you the worst of it my lady. Young Arkadiy was only twenty-two, and when we went through his pockets for personal stuff to send home to his wife, we found a letter. He hadn't had time to open it, so I decided I should so we had an address to write to. It was from his wife, Rivka, telling him he had a new son. Their first, I think. I know he had been so looking forward to the baby, and he had received the letter yesterday morning before we went on patrol. He just didn't have time to open it, and he died never knowing he was a father.
I don't know how I would feel if it was me, my sweet. I had never thought about it until then but I would want to know. I don't suppose the situation will ever arise, but it would have been nice to have had a child. But then, so many are being left fatherless because of this bloody bastard of a war.
I'm sorry Rivka, I shouldn't be like this, I know. You have enough to deal with as it is without me harping on about such things. But I needed to tell someone, and thank God I have you, my lady, because I don't know what I would have done without knowing you are at home, safe and warm and thinking of me. It makes my heart ache thinking about you, but at least I know you are taking care of yourself and that you are not in any danger.
I have to go now, as it's kip time. I'm so tired Rivka. I'm tired all the time, and I can't sleep. But I'll try, my lady, because I know you will fret otherwise, and I can't be having you getting all upset about a rough dumkop like me, now can I? So keep safe and warm, and write to me soon. I so need you, my lady. I miss you always.

Your Niko

*********************

February 24th 1943


My Dearest Rivka,

I know it has only been a couple of days since I last wrote to you, but orders came through an hour ago that we are all moving out soon to reinforce the division at the Front, somewhere to the south. They haven't told the men exactly where, but we'll be in the thick of it I suppose. My lads and I have been ordered to help out, so we're off in a little while. It means I have just enough time to drop you a line.
Things have been hard the last two days. Fritz has been hammering us, putting up one hell of a fight, and my lads have had a bad time of it. Yesterday the weather was against us. Lots of snow, sometimes so thick we couldn't see a meter in front of our faces. Not much use for snipers. Still, at least our German brothers couldn't see us, which is far more important.
A Fritz sniper began taking pot-shots at us the day before, and one of his rounds just nicked my arm. Now before you start worrying, Rivka, let me tell you I'm fine. It just put a little crease in the skin, and it didn't even bleed much. It would have been nice though, to have had you here to tend it, and then I could have shown you off to all my men, and they could see what a lucky fellow I am having such a beautiful woman beside me.
Remember I've been telling you about young Filipov, the baker's son from Irkutsk? Well, he was standing behind me when the bullet nicked my arm and he ended up with the round going through his neck. The doctor doesn't know if he'll make it, but at least he's out of this little scrap.
I'm keeping well, and I promise I'm eating when I can and taking care of myself. It's not easy here, but I suppose I'm no worse off than anyone else. The lice are bad, though. I'm lucky, they don't seem to want to come near me, but sometimes I see men go crazy from the bites of the little beggars. Sometimes you can even see them sitting on a soldier's coat in daylight, and I've watched them swarming off a dead Fritz looking for some other poor wretch to infest.
Well, anyway, I don't have much time left to write, so I'd better get on with telling you something that I should have said before I left. I miss you. I miss you so much, my lady Rivka, and I long to see you. I often find myself thinking as I lie wrapped up in my old greatcoat (Which now has a bullet hole in its right arm, by the way, which I will beg you to mend for me when I get home), and I think about how you looked that first night we lay together. Do you remember? The look of you in the firelight, the feel of your skin, your beautiful eyes. For you are most beautiful, my lady. Sometimes when I'm very afraid, I think of that moment and how you felt in my arms, and the pleasure you gave me as I lost myself in you. I dream of lying safe in your arms and I know that you will watch over me and keep me from harm.
I wish I had told you this before I left, Rivka, but I'm a bit of a coward it seems. So here goes. I love you, Rivka Velonina. I've loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you, only I was too much of a fool to realize it. I don't know how you feel about me, but I know you care for me, and that is all I ask of you. I know I'm not much to look at and I'm just a rough soldier, but I'm yours, Rivka, if you'll have me. I always have been, and always will be yours, my sweet lady.
I have to go now, as the transport is here and the lads are waiting for old Papa Koulikov to watch out for them. I'll be home as soon as I can, Rivka. I long for you, I miss you, and always remember I love you.

Nikolai

********************
February 28 1943

My dear, sweet, darling Niko,
I got your letter this morning. Oh, my dearest love, why didn't you tell me? I miss you, my gentle Niko. I miss you so much it hurts deep inside, and all I want is for you to come home to me safe and sound. I love you so very deeply, Niko, and I've been a foolish, silly woman, because I never told you how much I adore you. Can you forgive me?
I'm so, so sorry to hear about your men. They were such sweethearts, and if you want I can write to young Arkadiy's widow and see if I can do anything. Sometimes a kind word can help when nothing else does.
Your poor arm. Don't worry, love. I'll take care of it when you come home, and I will hold you tight and never let you go, you know that don't you? And then, my love, I'm going to take you to bed and keep you safe and warm. I'll kiss your dear face, and keep you close until you fall asleep in my arms, which is the one thing I want more than anything in the world. I will watch over you, love, and be there when you wake, and nothing, my Niko, nothing, I promise you, will ever harm you again. You asked if I would have you. Well, my sweet love, I could wish for nothing more, as long as I too can say that I am yours. Always, my Nikolai. Forever.
Come home to me soon, my sweet.

I love you.

Rivka

******************

Fifteen days later, Rivka Velonina was working in the hospital when she was handed her last letter to Nikolai.

It was returned to her unopened and unread.