Chapter 38
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
John graduated from law school in the spring, and passed the bar easily. His entry into the business as attorney-in-residence had been long awaited and was much appreciated. He’d wondered aloud before joining them if there would be enough for him to do, but after three months his desk was piled with work like everyone else’s.
After six months, requests for John’s expertise in the security area from other security firms and from alumni of the security school seemed likely to burgeon into a third business. "Over my dead body!" was Johner’s response to this suggestion. "I learn slow, but I learn! John, if you want to start another business, go ahead. I’ll watch, thanks!"
But as John laid plans to start a third business Johner was deep into the planning, all the while denying any interest in the whole matter. "It’s fucking nuts! Jesus, John, you want to be the owner of something that gives you a constant headache and makes you old before your time, go ahead!" But he understood John’s desire to make something of his own, and he helped in every way he could.
On the evening of the day John incorporated his own business, J. Connor & Associates, Johner let out the worries he’d kept to himself. He and Connor lay in bed talking over the day’s events, as was their usual practice.
"God, Connor, I’m so scared for him. I hope it goes well, I just…well, I hope it goes well."
Sarah looked at him for a moment, assessing his words. "I think you mean you’re scared it won’t. Why, Johner? What makes you think it won’t go well?"
"I don’t know. I just…" He was looking down at his hands.
Sarah shook her head. "Johner, the reason you don’t think it will be successful is because you won’t be running it."
His head came around to her quickly. "What the hell does that mean?"
She chuckled, then began to laugh. "You son of a gun, you think no one in the whole world can do anything right unless you’re supervising! Relax, Johner. You’d be surprised at how many competent people there are in the world, people who don’t even know you, and get along quite well anyhow."
Johner was indignant. "Now that’s unfair! I never…"
Sarah was laughing hard now. She nodded to indicate her agreement through her laughter and as she sobered, she put her hand out to touch the side of his face. "Yes, yes, of course it is unfair. But Johner, since you became an empire builder, everyone has to be protected by you, ‘cause they don’t know what’s best for them."
Johner searched her face; as he realized that she meant what she said, he looked stricken. "Is this true? God, Connor, that’s what I’ve never stood still for in my whole life; and you think I’m doing it to other people?" He had turned his face away from her and resumed the study of his hands, but he was shaken, she could see it in the set of his shoulders.
Sarah hesitated to answer him, unsure if this was the time. Saying anything that would hurt him was the hardest thing she could think of to do. As the seconds passed and she didn’t answer, he reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "I asked, babe. Tell me what you think. I need to hear it."
"Yes, I think you’re tending to think you know what’s best for others." His head had gone down again as she spoke. She put her hand under his chin, and turned his face to hers. "Babe, I love you. You know that. I could be wrong here, but I’m trying to tell you the truth as I see it. Is that…are you OK with it?"
"Yes. Of course. I’m just…I don’t see… Oh. You mean like when I told Tim Waxman that his car wasn’t suitable for his job? Well Connor, a beach buggy! He can’t take clients to lunch in a beach buggy!"
"Sure he can. Maybe they’ll like it. But that’s not a good example. You’re his boss, if you have concerns for the good of the business, that’s a legitimate reason to tell him he needs to change cars. I was thinking more of…well, you put a damper on Marie when she advanced the notion that she’d like to get a job. I felt sorry for her, Johner. She’s such a timid soul, and this idea might well have been her first effort to be independent in a lifetime, but she wasn’t strong enough to persist after her idol said he didn’t think it was a good idea."
He grinned a little. "She does think I’m perfect, doesn’t she? But Connor, she sure doesn’t need the money, and she’s totally unsuited to the workplace. What could she possibly do? I just saw nothing but disappointment for her. It was better for her not to try." He stopped suddenly. "I did it, didn’t I? I decided for her what was best for her."
"Yes, you did. People have to take their own lumps and learn their own lessons, Johner. You’re not saving anyone anything by steering them away from experience."
He thought about that for a minute. "I could have helped her to find something to do that would have let her feel useful. I could have done something good for her, instead of turning her back on herself. There were better ways to handle that situation."
"Yup. There were." She smiled at him, and her hand came up to caress his face. "I love you. You have a graceful soul, Johner."
"Now I don’t know what in hell that means, but if you think so it must be true." He kissed her lightly. "Thanks. I think. Now, I’ll start tomorrow to find something for Marie to do. Something that’s within her capabilities…"
"Whoa! You’re doing it again. How in hell do you know what her capabilities are?"
"Well, Jesus Christ, Connor, can’t I help anybody do anything?"
"Not really. People do what people do, and there’s not a lot you can do to change them, You can send opportunities their way, and they have the option to take them or no. That’s about it."
"This is very discouraging, Connor. I was hoping to rearrange the whole world to suit my ideas, and you’re telling me I can’t. Very disappointing." He grinned at her.
Connor grinned back, then sobered as she questioned him. "Why would you worry about John? He’s got more work to do than he can manage, he’s generated that business himself, and he’ll have Carly there to take care of the business side for him. Why would you think he wouldn’t be successful?"
"Well, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t have the experience…" Sarah turned to stare at him, and he immediately looked defensive. "What…what? Oh. You’re thinking I didn’t have the experience a couple of years ago. Well, that’s true but I had… No, Connor, I think I won’t say anything more. It could be too good an opportunity for you to embarrass me." He gave her a quick grin before his face stilled in thought. "Maybe there’s something in what you’re saying. I just worry about…" He looked up at her and his expression warmed in a smile. "Everything. Everyone. Don’t I."
"You got it."
"Where do I get off to worry about other people? The world got along without me for ten thousand years, maybe I should give up trying to fix it. Is that pretty much what you’re trying to tell me?"
"In a nutshell."
He smiled at her, a little wryly. "OK, I got it. I think you’ve got something---maybe! I’ll keep thinking about it, anyway. OK?"
"OK."
He looked down at his hands for a minute, then his arms snaked out suddenly and enclosed her. "I’ve got enough to worry about, right here in bed with me!" He pulled her into his lap. "Now that you’ve corrected my thinking on ruling the world, do you think you could give me a little help in another area? I’ve been wondering about women…I don’t know very much about them at all, maybe you could help me…would they like it if I did this? Or would they rather I’d do…this? Or…how about this?"
"Johner, what other women like is no concern of yours, and even if I knew I wouldn’t tell you! Hear me? All you need to know on that subject is if I like it. And I do…especially that one…oh, again…"