This story takes place immediately after the events of "Alien Resurrection," but all the crew members apart from Johner have been changed.
Educating JohnerJosephine Elliot
The crew of the Betty had been celebrating all evening, and they certainly had something to celebrate. It was still hard to believe the full horror of all they had just been through and managed to come out of - alive.
Mac was the first to turn in, waving them all a rather drunken goodnight as he weaved his way towards the sleeping quarters. Ted and Anna followed soon after, equally unsteady on their feet, with arms tightly entwined around each other. They stumbled in the doorway, giggling as they slumped against the wall, sharing a slow, passionate kiss before turning to continue their unsteady journey along the narrow passageway.
"Night, you two", Anna called over her shoulder. "Be good. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!" She went off into peals of laughter at this remark, until a sudden silence indicated that Ted had probably found a suitable way of quieting her.
Kate and Johner still sat at the table, cradling their empty mugs. Feeling Johner’s eyes on her, Kate kept her own firmly focused on the doorway through which the others had just departed. Suddenly being alone with Johner made her nervous and edgy, and yet an unbidden excitement began to stir in the pit of her stomach, making her question her own sanity.
Was she crazy? How could she find anything remotely attractive in this loud-mouthed, pig-headed, chauvinistic rogue? He was just plain obnoxious. And yet… there had been several occasions during their terrifying ordeal over the past few days, when she had seen glimpses of a totally different side to Johner, one she could never have imagined existing in this seemingly crude and arrogant character. And the way his face had lit up in the most beautiful smile of disbelief and amazement when they had finally realised they were safe, had made her heart leap in the most disconcerting way.
Angry at her own weakness and stupidity, Kate pushed back her chair abruptly, and rose from the table. Without even glancing at Johner she gathered up his cup along with her own, and headed for the utility area to clear them away.
She sensed his presence behind her even before she felt his arms sneak around her waist, and his lips begin to nuzzle at the back of her neck. This sudden, sensuous action took her by suprise, and her insides immediately began to turn molten. Annoyed at his audacity and her own inner response, she steeled herself against the emotions warring inside her, and firmly turned to push him away.
"Johner! What the hell do you think you’re doing?" she glared at him angrily.
"Aw, come on, Kate, we’re lucky to be alive," his arms encircled her once more to pull her against him. "Surely you can spare a little tenderness after all we’ve been through?" His mouth moved towards hers but she turned her head firmly away from him, determined to strengthen her resolve, even though her knees felt extremely weak and wobbly. That had to be the effects of the alcohol she’d consumed this evening, she decided.
"Tenderness is something to be earned, Johner, not just something you can suddenly demand." She shoved at his chest determinedly until he let go of her, putting a safer distance between them. "But I don’t expect someone of your mentality to understand that."
She regretted her words immediately as she saw the wounded look in his eyes. It was visible for only a second and then it was gone, and those same eyes which just moments before had been dark with desire, had now turned an icy blue.
"Oh no, of course not! Someone like me, from my kind of background, couldn’t be expected to understand," he sneered. "Not a no-hoper like me. Not like you, eh, Kate?" His eyes were cold as he stood facing her, hands on hips. "I bet you were brought up in all the correct social circles, weren’t you? Rich ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ who gave you everything you wanted?" He almost spat the words at her. " Went to all the right schools, had all the right friends, knew all the right people? Is that how it was, Kate?"
His eyes bored into her for endless seconds and she found herself unable to move or respond in her own defence. Then he dropped his eyes and turned away. His hands fell to his sides, and his shoulders slumped. When he spoke again his voice was so soft she had to strain to catch the words.
"I guess we’re poles apart, you and me. You wanna know about my life, Kate? I grew up in the roughest part of New York. I never knew who my father was." He gave a sardonic smile. "I don’t think my mother ever knew who my father was. He could have been any one of a steady stream of guys who came and went, sharing her bed for a time, then disappearing into the night only to be replaced by the next drunken loser. When there was no man in her bed, she drank, to blot out the loneliness, the fear of growing old and being unattractive - of being alone. I couldn’t fill that gap, ever. I was just a hindrance to her. An unfortunate mistake that she had to put up with until I was old enough to fend for myself. Then I joined the military and I never saw her again. I went back once, but she’d moved on. No forwarding address. She didn’t want me to find her."
The expression in his eyes was unreadable as he turned to look at her once more. "You’re right I guess. I don’t know about tenderness, or love, or any of those things. It’s hard to understand things you’ve never had."
Then suddenly he drew himself up to his full height, squared his shoulders, and looked her straight in the eye. "But hey, who needs them, anyway?" The old Johner was back. "I’ve done okay without them so far. Never needed anyone. Never will."
He turned and began sauntering towards the sleeping quarters, raising his hand in a departing salute as he went. "Night, Kate, sleep well. This will be the first decent night’s sleep we’ve had in a while."
He paused in his departure, and as he turned back to face her, there was a vulnerability in his expression that tore at Kate’s heart.
"An experience like that - once you’ve gotten over the euphoria of still being alive - well, it sort of… makes you suddenly question all your certainties, you know? I’m just wondering what the hell I’ve been doing with my life all these years." Johner raised his hands in an questioning gesture. "What have I got to show for them?"
He obviously didn’t expect a reply from her, because with a dismissive shrug he slowly turned and walked away.
Kate stood watching his retreating back. Her mind was in turmoil. This man was far more complex than she could ever have imagined. Now, she didn’t know what to make of him. Instinctively she knew that he had opened up more to her a few moments ago than he had probably ever done before in his entire life. Why?
It was also much easier to understand his whole attitude too, now that she knew about his childhood. Her heart ached for the little boy who had never known his mother’s love. The helpless child who had learned to hide the pain of rejection beneath a tough exterior. His aggression and loud-mouthed disrespect for any type of authority only masked his lack of belief in his own self-worth.
Kate sighed and slowly made her way along the narrow corridor that led to her own small cabin. As she passed Johner’s door she paused. He was right, they had almost died in the most terrifying circumstances, and that seemed to put a new perspective on everything. Johner could never be right for her in a million years, and yet, she couldn’t deny the strong attraction she felt for him. At the moment they were cruising peacefully through space, but who could tell what might still lie ahead for them?
Taking a deep breath she tapped on his door, and without waiting for a reply she tried the handle. It turned easily under her hand. Slowly she pushed the door open and glanced inside. The room was in semi-darkness, but the small glowbar on the wall shed enough light for her to see Johner stretched out on his bed, wearing only a pair of shorts. Kate entered the room, closing the door behind her. As she moved closer to the bed she was able to make out the bewildered expression on his face, but he didn’t utter a word. He just lay silently watching her approach. His state of undress was affecting her deeply, and she could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she took in the sight of his bare chest with its covering of thick curls, his powerful arms and long muscular legs. There was just so much of him that was uncovered, and this was playing havoc with her equilibrium. Slowly she lowered herself to sit beside him.
"What can I do for you, Kate?" His low, husky tone sent shivers racing up her spine.
She placed her hand on his chest, letting her fingers glide slowly through the thick curls, relishing the feel of his warm skin beneath her palm.
"Is that offer to share a little tenderness still open?" she enquired, and without waiting for his reply she leaned forward, lowering her mouth to his.
His mouth was warm and welcoming, and Kate felt a thrill of excitement as his tongue thrust between her lips and his arms enfolded her, drawing her down against him. Then with one deft movement she found herself being rolled beneath him, pinned down by the full weight of his powerful body. The pressure of his mouth increased on hers, and she could feel the full evidence of his desire pressing tightly against her.
Her nerve ends were tingling, and a sudden heat surged through her body, sorely tempting her to simply give herself up to his rather uncouth method of lovemaking. It had been so long since she’d felt this sort of physical attraction for anyone, and her need was as great as his, but yet she knew this was not the way she wanted it to be. She didn’t want to be just another one of his conquests; a quick means of satisfying his lust. This was probably the only form of lovemaking Johner had ever known. It was all he’d ever allowed himself to experience. The scars of his childhood ran deep, but he deserved to know there could be so much more, and she was determined to show him.
"Johner!," she gasped, as she tore her mouth away from his, and pushed hard against his shoulder.
"What?" His breathing was already heavy, and his expression was one of puzzled irritation. What was she playing at now? She’d come to him. She’d sought him out.
"Slow down," she entreated, cupping his cheek soothingly. "I’m not going anywhere. We’re meant to be sharing a little tenderness, remember?"
For a moment he just stared at her. Then with a groan, he leaned his forehead against her shoulder. "I guess I’ve got a lot to learn about tenderness," he admitted forlornly.
"Let me teach you," she whispered softly.
He looked at her in surprise. "Why would you want to do that?" No woman had ever wanted to spend much time doing anything with him. He usually paid for his pleasures and then walked away, unencumbered; alone; the way he’d always wanted it to be.
Kate reached up to cup his face with her hands, and then drew his head down to kiss his lips, very softly. "Because I think it could be very interesting … and pleasurable… for both of us," she replied.
His gaze locked with hers, and his eyes narrowed as he considered her words. She looked like she really meant it. So, rolling onto his side, he raised a hand in acquiescence.
" Okay, so what do you want me to do?" he asked warily.
"Absolutely nothing," she replied with a secretive smile as she pushed him onto his back. "In fact, I insist that you do absolutely nothing at all."
Johner gazed up at her as she hovered above him. He was uncertain about this turn of events. He was used to being in control, and this situation made him nervous. But he wanted this woman more than he had ever wanted any woman, ever, so if this was the way it had to be, then he would give in to it – and see where it took him.
Once more her mouth covered his, and her tongue began a gentle plundering which immediately inflamed his senses. His arms automatically moved to enclose her, but she stopped him immediately, and pushed them firmly back against his sides.
"No", she murmured. "Just relax and don’t do a thing."
Johner wasn’t used to being obedient but he did as he was told, and kept his arms at his sides as she had bidden. He felt her lips against his cheek, and then she began a tender but very thorough exploration of his features, depositing tiny, soft kisses which fell like gentle rain against his flushed skin. She traced the length of the scar which ran from the right side of his temple across his nose and left cheek to his jawline, and he felt as though her healing mouth could simply make the whole thing disappear.
Her touch was like a balm to his soul, and he was drifting back in time to a world where he was a small boy again, but in this world his mother loved him, and he felt safe and warm as her soft lips kissed him goodnight and bid him dream sweet dreams.
But as Kate’s mouth moved below his jaw, trailing kisses along his throat, nuzzling his Adam’s apple and nibbling at the pulse beating in his neck, the sensations began to change. Small sparks of heat began to ignite and spread through his body as she sucked at the hollow in his throat before beginning a thorough investigation of his chest, using her lips and hands to their full advantage in her exploration.
The tiny sparks burst into huge flames of desire as she began to suckle the tiny buds she’d unearthed beneath the thick curls, and her hands moved lower to slowly caress that part of him which was beginning to need her very desperately. His breathing became heavy and ragged, and his chest heaved with the effort of restraining himself from simply turning her onto her back and taking her there and then. He had to keep reminding himself over and over that Kate wasn’t like all the others. He’d wanted her for so long, and he couldn’t blow it now.
Her lips began to trace a fiery trail across his abdomen, slowly moving lower while her hands continued to stroke and caress his throbbing erection. When the silken heat of her tongue joined her questing fingers, the stimulation was almost more than he could bear. Nothing had ever felt like this to him before, and the sensations became a mixture of ecstasy and torture. Fighting to control the raging need coursing through every nerve in his body, he moaned her name, almost pleadingly, and she moved back up his body, covering him with her softness, sinking down against him as her lips sought his in a soul-searching kiss which seemed to turn his very bones to liquid.
"I need you," he mumbled breathlessly, grasping her tightly against him, and as he uttered those words he realised this was the first time he’d ever said them - to anyone. " Please Kate, I need you now!"
"I’m here", she whispered in reply. Then, pushing herself up into a sitting position so that she was straddling his thighs, she took his engorged flesh in her hands and began to ease him inside her, slowly lowering herself against him until he was completely sheathed inside her. Her slow, deliberate movements seemed to heighten every aspect of his awareness in a way he’d never known before, and Johner gasped at the intensity of the sensations which gripped his body in that moment of their joining.
Kate began to move against him, bringing him back to reality and reinforcing the powerful desire surging through his veins. Johner had always been proud of his self control, but as their movements accelerated, the sight of Kate above him - her hair hanging in damp tendrils around her face, her eyes closed in blissful concentration, her head swaying from side to side as she moved against him - was almost more than he could take, and when she finally toppled over the edge of completion with a soft cry of rapture, his own gratification which followed immediately after, was so sudden and so powerful, it completely overwhelmed him and took away his breath, leaving him weak and trembling. Kate collapsed against his chest with a soft moan, and he held her close, cradling her in his arms and carefully stroking her hair back from her face.
They fell asleep together, completely exhausted and totally sated.
- - - -
Johner opened one sleepy eye as Kate slipped out of bed.
"Where you goin’?" he mumbled drowsily.
She turned to press a kiss against his forehead. "I’ve got the early shift this morning," she whispered. "Go back to sleep, I’ll see you at breakfast later."
Johner watched through half closed eyes, admiring her slim figure as she pulled on her clothes and then crept out the door, giving him a quick wave as she closed it behind her.
He turned over but couldn’t get back to sleep. His mind was buzzing with all that had happened in the past few days. They had all survived a terrifying ordeal, and now, to top everything Kate had just left his bed after an unforgettable night of passion which still filled him with utter disbelief. Playing the events of the previous night over again in his head from the moment she had knocked on his door, he groaned feverishly and turned over to bury his face in her pillow. It still held her scent and his whole body ached for her. Heaving a frustrated sigh, Johner turned onto his back, resting his hands behind his head.
It was the first time a woman had ever actually made love to him, or treated him with tenderness and warmth, as well as passion and desire. All his previous sexual encounters had consisted of quick one-night stands with women who neither knew nor cared about who or what he was, as long as he made the experience worth their while by buying them drinks and footing the bill on a room for the night. That was the way he’d always wanted it - satisfying his lust with no ties.
But he’d known right from the start that Kate was different. Kate was special. He’d worked alongside her for two years here on the Betty. Two years of wanting her more than he’d ever wanted any woman, but she’d treated him with nothing but disdain and obvious loathing. Yeah okay, he’d probably deserved her dislike. He’d never gone out of his way to enamour himself to her because he didn’t think he had a cat in hell’s chance of succeeding. He wasn’t exactly a likeable personality aboard this craft, and she had always been way out of his league - or so he thought. But last night had proved him wrong. So, what happens now, he wondered? This was her last voyage with them. At the end of this trip Kate was leaving the Betty to set up her own freight line. She was some lady!
Johner rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. Pausing in front of the mirror, he studied his reflection, taking in the large, ugly scar that ran across his face, and the severe military-style hair cut that certainly did nothing to enhance his appearance, and he groaned dejectedly. Last night had to be a one-off. What could a woman like Kate possibly see in a nobody like him? She was going places, buying her own business, while he’d be on ships like this one for the rest of his days, with no hope of ever owning anything. He’d never even wanted to own anything - until now. His feelings for Kate were changing him, making him want things he’d never thought about before. Damn her! Thumping his fist against the wash-basin in angry frustration, Johner realised that for the first time in his life he cared about someone other than himself, and it was an experience he was beginning to resent bitterly.
He didn’t feel like talking much at breakfast and he noticed that Kate kept glancing over at him anxiously. Was she worried that he was gonna spill the beans about their night of passion, he wondered?
"We’re gonna have to do those repairs on the cargo hold today," Mac informed them , eyeing them over the rim of his coffee mug.
"I’ll go make a start then," Johner said, pushing his chair back and heading for the doorway. "See ya later."
The others sat open-mouthed, staring at his retreating back.
"What the hell’s wrong with him?" Ted verbalised the total disbelief they were all feeling. "Johner never volunteers for anything!"
"That’s exactly what I was thinking," Anna agreed. "Is he okay, Kate?"
"Why are you asking me?" Kate snapped defensively. She wasn’t sure if she wanted them all to know about her rendezvous with Johner yet.
"Well you were the last one to see him last night after we all went to bed," Anna pointed out reasonably.
"He was okay when I left him," Kate announced bluntly, then feeling suddenly guilty she added, "but I’ll go check on him anyway. I’ve finished here."
As she entered the cargo hold, Kate spotted Johner working over at the far side, so she made her way over to him. He turned as she approached.
"Hi."
"Hi," he replied, studying her intently for a moment before turning back to the task at hand.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, I’m fine." He picked up a wrench and jammed it into a small wheel, turning it hard to loosen it.
Kate moved closer and leaned forward to see his face. "You were very quiet at breakfast," she commented.
Johner shrugged. "I’ve just got some stuff on my mind." He gave the wrench a hard twist, then he felt her hand on his arm.
"Can I help?" Her enquiry seemed to hold genuine concern, and he turned to look at her.
God she’s beautiful! he thought. If only she knew that she was the cause of all the stuff on his mind right now. But what was the point in worrying about tomorrow? He should make the most of today, right now, while she was still here with him.
"Ahh Kate," he sighed, putting down the wrench and drawing her against him. She came willingly, sliding her hands over the strong muscles of his bare arms before bringing them to rest behind his head to guide his mouth down to hers. A strong surge of electricity seemed to course through his veins at the touch of her lips, and Johner pulled her closer, his mouth thoroughly devouring hers.
Finally needing to draw apart in order to breathe, Johner placed his forehead against Kate’s. "Will I see you tonight?" he murmured breathlessly.
Still pretty breathless herself, Kate grinned conspiratorially. "For a little more tuition?" she asked impishly.
Johner grinned back. "Whatever you want to teach me, Kate. I’m more than willing to learn."
Sounds in the distance heralded the arrival of some of the other crew members so reluctantly Kate extracted herself from Johner’s arms, planting a quick kiss on his mouth as she did so.
"Until later then," she whispered as she turned to leave.
Johner watched the soft sway of her hips as she walked away from him, and he let out a deep sigh. He was well and truly hooked, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
Johner didn’t need any tuition that night, although he learned more than he could ever have imagined. His strong feelings for Kate encouraged him to listen to his heart, and some deep-rooted instinct seemed to tell him what she needed from him, guiding him on a voyage of sensual discovery. For the first time giving pleasure became more important to him than receiving it, but an even more surprising discovery for Johner was that Kate’s reactions to his ministrations enhanced his own gratification tenfold. Every tiny gasp or moan of rapture escaping from her lips sent erotic arrows of excitement shooting through his body. She intoxicated his senses, and he used his hands and mouth to explore and experience every part of her, before joining his body with hers to finally guide them both high into the realms of ecstasy, teetering precariously on the brink for soul-stirring seconds before crashing over the edge.
Johner relished the sound of Kate’s panting breaths against his ear as they gradually diminished in volume. He could feel the dampness of her skin as he slowly relaxed against her, nuzzling lazily against her neck as he waited for just a few ounces of strength to return to his depleted body.
"Oh, Johner!" she gasped weakly, running her hands over his back in a slow caress.
"What?" he murmured, managing to raise his head just enough to look down at her face.
"You’ve been holding out on me," she accused, with a rather shaky smile, cupping his cheek with her hand.
"No Kate," he whispered, pressing a tender kiss against her forehead. "That was a completely new experience for me. You just seem to bring out the best in me."
Rolling over onto his back, Johner gathered Kate against him and they drifted into sleep.
Sometime during the night, Johner woke, and just the feel of Kate’s warmth resting against him, stirred an instant arousal within him. He knew he should let her sleep, but she looked so irresistible lying there beside him, her features set in soft repose, and his need for her flamed like wildfire. He nuzzled ardently at her neck, while his hand travelled slowly up over the silken skin of her body, pausing to cup her breast. She stirred sleepily, and he raised his head to watch her as her eyes flickered open to slowly focus on his face. His hand continued to caress her, and the corners of her mouth curved into a lazy smile.
"You’re insatiable," she mumbled, her voice still thick with sleep.
"Are you complaining?" he asked, and without waiting for her reply he bent his head to her breast, covering her rapidly hardening nipple with his lips, and rolling it with his tongue, before suckling at it sensuously and drawing it deeply into the wet heat of his mouth.
Kate gasped as her whole body stiffened with a sudden surge of desire. "Oh..nooo.." she murmured. "Not in the slightest." She was completely awake now, and her hands reached for him, needing him closer, revelling in the hard, muscular strength of him, and in the powerful sensations he was evoking in every part of her.
Never had she imagined that Johner of all people, could have affected her in this way, and the expression ‘hidden depths’ was suddenly beginning to have a whole new meaning for her. She luxuriated in Johner’s discovery of the passionate, sensual, caring side of his nature which he had repressed for most of his life. Insatiable in their deep need of each other, their lovemaking continued into the night, and each time seemed more exciting and intensely profound than the last.
- - - -
The next day was a busy one for the crew of the "Betty." Being their last day in space they had to finish off the repairs and check and stack the remaining cargo before reaching the home planet the following day. Mac, Ted and Anna were amazed at the change in Johner’s attitude over the last few days. He seemed like a different person.
"If I didn’t know different, I’d say those aliens kidnapped the real Johner and replaced him with a clone!" Ted announced sceptically.
"Don’t be silly, Ted," Anna contradicted impatiently. "We know they’re not capable of doing that!"
"Then why’s he behaving so weird? So un-Johner-like?"
"No idea," Anna shrugged in defeat. "Maybe going through such a traumatic experience has changed him. Made him value life and people a bit more."
"Mmm, well…maybe.." Ted seemed unconvinced.
Supper that evening was also the time for a joint farewell to Kate. Mac, who was slightly inebriated, stood up to make a speech.
"It’s been terrific working with you, Kate," he declared sincerely. "You’ve been a valuable and trustworthy member of the team, someone we could always count on to do more than her fair share. We’re gonna miss you, but I know I speak for all of us when I say that we wish you every success in this new venture of yours. If anyone can make a go of it, you can, but…if anything goes wrong, you know there’s always a place for you back here on this old rustbucket."
There was a general chorus of approval from the others, and Kate rose to her feet to thank everyone. "I’m gonna miss you all too," she admitted ruefully. "Thanks for giving me a chance. I’ve learned a lot from each and every one of you over the past two years, and this will all be a very valuable experience to take forward into the future. Also, it’s good to know I’ve got somewhere to crawl back to if I fall flat on my face!" She grimaced teasingly.
Ted stood up beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. "I don’t think that will happen," he stated firmly. "You’re gonna be a huge success, I just know it. Let’s all raise our glasses - uh..well, okay…our mugs…TO KATE!"
As they all stood up to toast her, Kate caught Johner’s eye. He raised his mug in salute along with the others, but the expression in his eyes was unfathomable.
Kate thanked them all once more, then draining her cup she rose to her feet. "Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but it’s been a hell of a long day, and I’m ready for bed." She took her cup to the utility area amongst murmurs of agreement from the others, although she was the only one to move from the table.
"’Night everyone," she said, as she turned in the direction of the sleeping quarters. "And thanks again."
Suddenly she turned back and looked at Johner. "Well? You coming, or what?" she asked, raising an enquiring eyebrow.
Johner nearly choked on his last mouthful of whiskey, and Kate felt like laughing out loud at the shocked expressions on the faces of the other three.
"Uh.. yeah…sure." Johner got to his feet, stuck his tin mug next to Kate’s over on the counter, and turned back to the others. "Well, ‘night all. See you in the mornin’." He followed Kate down along the passageway, smiling to himself as he imagined the conversation around that table now. They certainly wouldn’t be going off to bed just yet, that was for sure.
As he caught up with Kate along the corridor, Johner stopped her, turning her around to face him. "You don’t mind them knowing about us?" he said in surprise.
"No. Why, do you?" Kate countered.
"No, of course not, but that’s different," he pointed out bluntly. "Any man would be proud to be seen with you, but not too many women would want to own up to a relationship with me."
"I’m not ashamed of anything I do, Johner," Kate stated soberly. "And what we do is no one’s business but ours. I don’t care what they think." With that she turned to open the door of her quarters, and Johner felt a warm glow spreading through him as he followed her in.
This was the third night they'd spent together, and as with the previous night they made love over and over again, unable to get enough of each other. But as the dawn drew closer Johner felt the desperation and uncertainty clutching at his heart. As they lay together quietly in the aftermath of their lovemaking, he had to bring up the subject of what would happen when this night was over.
"We've been through a lot together - you, me, the whole team - in the past two years," Johner reflected thoughtfully.
"We sure have," Kate agreed. "Good times and bad times, and some pretty terrifying times too. Especially this last trip!" She shuddered involuntarily and Johner pulled her closer against him. "At least I haven’t had the time for nightmares." She grinned up at him.
Johner grinned back. "Glad to have been of service." After a few minutes pause he attempted again to broach the subject that was bothering him.
"It’s crazy, isn’t it, that it took us until now, three days before you leave us, to...to get together like this," Johner pointed out. "And now, this is the last night we'll spend together here on this ship."
"Yeah, I guess it is," Kate let out a deep sigh. "But maybe it wouldn’t have worked between us at all before any of this happened. We were both different people then. It’s helped us through the aftermath, and it’s certainly made these last days - or rather nights - more interesting, and a lot more fun." She snuggled closer against him. She felt warm and safe and extremely drowsy. "It’s hard to believe that tomorrow I’ll be starting a brand new era in my life," she mumbled sleepily, "and leaving all this behind."
Johner felt a cold chill spread through him as Kate yawned contentedly against his shoulder, blissfully unaware of the torment she'd set in motion deep within him. Fun! Was that all this had been to her? Fun? She had shared her bed and her body with him and captured his heart in the process. She had turned his life upside-down, so that he knew nothing could ever be the same again, but for her it had simply been fun, and now she'd be moving on into a brand new era of her life. Leaving all this - and him- behind!"
Soon he could tell by her slow, even breathing that Kate was asleep, but Johner didn't sleep a wink for the remainder of the night. He lay there, staring up at the stark metal ceiling above his head, trying to work out what to do with the rest of his life. He couldn't go back to what he'd been before. Kate had changed all that. He had changed, because of all that had happened in this last week, but mostly because of her. He had learned what life could be like - and - what love could be like. He had learned to care deeply for another human being, and as much as he wanted to right now, he knew he couldn't just switch that off or cut it out of him. He gazed down at her sleeping features and felt as though his heart would break in two. She was a part of him now. She had stolen his heart, but somehow he had to learn to live the rest of his life without her. For the second time in his life he was losing a woman he wanted so desperately to be loved by, and once again he'd have to endure the terrible pain of rejection. But one thing he swore, with a strong and silent vow, that he would never allow this to happen to him again. Not ever!
When Kate awoke the following morning she was somewhat bewildered to find that Johner was no longer beside her, but knowing how much work they still needed to get done before they reached their destination, she assumed he’d decided to make an early start.
They each had their allotted tasks to perform in preparation for the landing so Kate didn’t see much of Johner until the Betty had docked at home base and they were all preparing to leave for a well-earned break from the confines of the small craft which had been their home for so many months. But what happened next came as a huge shock to Kate as Johner hoisted his kit bag over his shoulder and headed for the door, hurling a quick "See you guys in about a week’s time," over his shoulder.
Kate’s mouth dropped open in surprise, but she managed to recover herself enough to call his name. He stopped and turned around.
"Oh yeah, I was forgetting you won’t be coming back this time, will you Kate?" He spoke very casually. "Well, good luck in your new life. As you said - it’s been fun. And now I guess I’ll go find myself a lot more fun. See ya!" With that he turned and walked away.
Kate stood in stunned silence. She felt like she’d been slapped in the face.
Anna put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Don’t take it to heart, honey," she commiserated. "I could have told you that would happen with Johner. He doesn’t take anyone seriously. Forget about him and come and have a drink with us."
Kate shook her head. "Thanks Anna, but I’ve got a lot to do and the sooner I get started the better. I’m okay, really," she added, seeing the other woman’s concerned expression. "As you said, I should have known better with Johner."
But as Kate made her way out of the docking area and headed for the inhabited sector, her mind was deep in thought. There had been a deep hurt in Johner’s eyes that he’d not been able to completely mask, but she didn’t understand why, or what she’d done to deserve that cold behaviour from him. She thought over his final words to her. He had emphasised the word "fun" for some reason, and vaguely she remembered saying something about fun the previous night, just before she’d fallen asleep, but she didn’t remember exactly what she’d said, because she’d felt very warm and contented and the hazy edges of slumber has already begun to steal across her senses. Kate felt certain now that she had unwittingly upset and hurt Johner in some way, but she was at a total loss as to how she had done it.
She tried many times to find Johner over the next few days, without success, and so determinedly she carried on with her business venture. The wheels had been set in motion several months ago so the transaction was straightforward and didn’t take long to complete. Very soon Kate was the proud owner of her own Freight Line Company.
But her happiness was overshadowed by the fact that she missed Johner far more than she could have imagined and he was constantly on her mind. Her determination to find him and discover for herself whether there was any future for them together, was now strongly reaffirmed, and she continued her search of the bars and taverns she hoped he might frequent. At one of these bars she bumped into Mac, who was delighted to see her and insisted she have a drink with him. Kate’s feet were aching by this time so she was happy to comply. Mac was delighted by the news that she was now her own boss.
"Congratulations, Kate!" He declared heartily. "I knew you had it in you."
"Well, it’s early days yet, Mac," Kate pointed out warily. "Completing the purchase was the easy part. Developing it into a successful business will be the real test of my ability."
"Oh, you’ll do it, Kate," Mac continued confidently, leaning back in his chair to study her fondly. "I have complete faith in you."
Kate smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Mac. You’re a terrific boost for my ego." She stared down thoughtfully into her glass for several seconds before raising her eyes to meet Mac’s enquiring gaze. "Mac, I need to find Johner."
Mac groaned in exasperation. "Oh Kate, for pity’s sake, let it go. He’s not worth the trouble. Look at the way he treated you when we left the Betty, even after you’d…you’d…"
"Shared my bed with him?" Kate offered gently.
Mac’s face flushed angrily. "He’s not good enough for you, Kate," he declared resolutely. "You’re bright, intelligent and beautiful. You could do so much better than Johner."
Kate leaned across the table, gratefully covering Mac’s hand with her own. "Mac, I know you’re saying this because you care, and I know what you all think of Johner. Believe me I felt the same way about him myself until a very short time ago, but over those last few days I saw a completely different side of him. A side he doesn’t let anyone see. Tell me something, Mac," she said as an afterthought. "Do you and the others know anything at all about Johner’s background, about his past?"
Mac shook his head. "He’s never talked about his past. Don’t know a thing about his life before he joined us."
"Well I do," Kate stated emphatically. "And I know what made him the way he is. I won’t break his confidence, but believe me, Mac, if you knew what I know about Johner’s history, you’d understand him a whole lot better. He opened up to me. He trusted me, and somehow I’ve let him down and I have to find out how!"
"But why?" Mac demanded. "Why does it matter so much?"
She didn’t reply immediately. Then meeting his questioning gaze she said quietly, "Because I think I’m falling in love with him."
"Oh, Kate!" Mac stared at her in disbelief.
"Please, Mac. I have to find him. I have to find out for myself if there’s any sort of possibility for us."
The plea in her eyes tore at his heart, and after several long seconds Mac let out a heavy sigh of defeat. "Try Lacy’s Tavern. It’s just across the street from the Planet Bar, d’you know it?" he asked.
Kate nodded.
"It used to be one of Johner’s favourite haunts," Mac continued. "That’s all I can tell you."
Leaning across the table, Kate pressed a kiss against his forehead before turning to leave. "Thanks, Mac, you’re a good friend."
"Yeah, yeah," Mac acknowledged, realising that at this moment he envied Johner more than he could ever have imagined. "You take care, okay?"
Kate smiled and nodded. "I will."
"Oh, and good luck." He added as she headed for the door. She raised her hand in thanks, and then disappeared out into the street. "You’re certainly going to need it," Mac muttered under his breath.
******
Johner draped his arm around the buxom female sitting beside him. "Have another drink," he commanded, slopping whiskey into her glass before refilling his own to the brim. The woman giggled drunkenly and slouched against him, offering a first hand view down her ample cleavage. Johner wondered why this sight had no effect on him whatsoever, and turned his attention to the amber liquid which filled his glass before downing it in one large gulp. Why the devil didn’t this stuff do its job and anaesthetise the unbearable ache of emptiness and longing that ate away at his inside like some insatiable virus? It’s probably watered down to half its strength, he thought, angrily refilling his glass. Raising it to his lips he looked up to see Kate standing in front of him and he almost dropped the glass in shock. The root of his torment stood before him like a vision of loveliness, and he had to blink hard to make sure she wasn’t simply a figment of his desperate imagination.
Kate watched the plethora of emotions that crossed Johner’s features in split seconds before he quickly masked his surprise with an expression of cool indifference.
"Well, Kate! What a pleasant surprise," he exclaimed, raising his glass in a mock salute. "Didn’t think this place was quite your style somehow."
Kate felt extremely out of place in these garish surroundings, and the sight of the gaudily-dressed woman at Johner’s side did nothing to ease her discomfort. "Can I talk to you, Johner?" she asked soberly.
Trying to ignore the implacable yearning the mere sight of her instilled in him, Johner attempted to disguise his confusion behind a mask of false joviality. "Why sure Kate, sit down and have a drink with us." He indicated the empty chair on the other side of him with an exaggerated flourish.
Kate shook her head. "I need to speak to you privately," she said, looking at the other woman pointedly. The woman stared back at her insolently, making no attempt to move.
"Aw now, that’s not very polite, Kate," Johner smirked at her, shaking his finger in mock disapproval. "After all, the party’s just livenin’ up. It would be very ill mannered to ask my guest to leave." He tightened his hold on the voluptuous female beside him, who dropped her head against his shoulder, giggling tipsily. "There’s plenty of room for another one though," he invited flirtatiously, stretching out his free arm.
Leaning back in his chair Johner stared up at her defiantly. Kate saw an unmistakable challenge in those hypnotic blue eyes, but she didn’t understand it. She shook her head grimly. "No thanks, I’ll pass." Realising she’d made a foolish mistake she turned to leave, fighting to hold back the tears and overwhelming disappointment that threatened to engulf her.
"Kate!" Johner’s voice behind her made her pause and she turned to look back at him.
"Why did you come here?" he asked, his expression filled with sudden bewilderment.
"It doesn’t matter any more, Johner, I’ve seen all I needed to," she replied with a resigned sigh, and turning on her heel she walked out.
For a moment Johner just stared stupidly at the empty space where she’d stood. Then realisation sunk in. If she’d taken the trouble to come here looking for him there had to be a good reason. Kate wasn’t the type to visit a place like this through choice, and her distinct unease had been clearly visible. He couldn’t just let her go, she meant too much to him.
Swallowing his pride Johner jumped to his feet, causing his companion to slump unsteadily onto his empty chair. "What the…?" she mumbled incoherently, trying to regain her balance.
Johner slapped some money down on the table. "I’ve gotta go," he muttered hurriedly. "Get yourself another bottle, okay?"
"Hey…you comin’ back?" she yelled after him, but Johner didn’t stop to reply as he dashed out into the night to find Kate.
He could see her further down the street just ahead of him and he called out to her, but although she paused for a second, she didn’t stop.
"Kate!" he shouted, breaking into a run to catch up with her. "Hang on!" But still she kept on walking away from him.
"Kate! Wait!" he demanded hotly as he drew closer to her retreating back, then suddenly he added "…please Kate…" in a desperate plea that stopped her dead in her tracks, although she still didn’t turn around to face him. Stepping around in front of her, Johner just managed to spot the tears shining in her eyes before she averted her face from him to quickly wipe them away.
Johner was completely baffled by this. Surly she couldn’t have been crying because of him? No woman had ever cried over him in his life, with the possible exception of his mother, who probably cried in misery on the day he was born. Or at least this is what he’d always felt. Gently he placed his hands on Kate’s shoulders, turning her back to face him.
"Why did you come looking for me, Kate?" he asked again, studying her face intently as he spoke.
All the pent-up emotion Kate was feeling at his nearness, and at the achingly familiar tone of his voice, made her avoid his eyes at all costs because she knew she’d burst into tears, so she stared down at her feet.
"Because I missed you," she admitted eventually.
Johner felt an incredible suffusion of warmth spread through his entire body at her words. Did she really mean it? "I missed you too, Kate," he conceded softly.
"Then why?" she demanded, suddenly pulling away from his hold and glaring at him accusingly. "Why did you treat me the way you did on the day we left the ship? Why did you walk away from me without even a backward glance?"
Johner raised his hands in a gesture of bewilderment. "Because that’s what I thought you wanted," he replied defensively. "A fresh start. A new era of your life spreading out before you. I was just making it easy for you, so you didn’t have to go through the awkwardness of making excuses for saying goodbye to me."
"What the devil made you think I wanted to say goodbye to you?" Now it was her turn to look bewildered.
"Well, you made that pretty clear on that last night we spent together," he proffered. "It was just a light-hearted interlude as far as you were concerned. "It was ‘fun’, but nothing to be taken too seriously, because you had a new life ahead of you."
Kate’s brow creased into a frown of concentration as she tried to remember their conversation on the night in question. "What on earth did I say?" she asked finally. "I honestly don’t remember."
But Johner did. He had gone over it so many times in his mind, and every word had been etched into his soul. So, patiently he repeated it to her, word for word. " You were leaving us behind and starting a new era in your life. Didn’t sound as if there was much room in it for me," he pointed out solemnly.
Kate closed her eyes and sighed in disbelief as she realised the pain she’d caused them both through a few carelessly chosen words that she didn’t remember, even now. "I didn’t mean any of it the way it sounded. How could you ever have imagined that I could simply walk away from you after all we’d shared during those incredible nights together? Weren’t my reactions towards you enough to convince you how much you meant to me?" Kate gave a frustrated sigh. "All I can remember about the last part of that night was feeling very drowsy and very contented lying there in your arms. I felt happy and full of hope for the future, because… because I was fervently hoping that maybe you’d be around to share some of it with me."
Johner’s eyes widened in amazement at this admission and he stared at her in stunned silence for several seconds before drawing her into his arms. "Oh Kate," he murmured, leaning his forehead against hers. "I’ve been a real fool, haven’t I? I just couldn’t believe that you’d be interested in anything long-term with someone like me."
Cupping his cheek with her hand, Kate smiled up into his eyes. "You need to have a little more trust and a lot more faith, Johner," she pointed out meaningfully. "You didn’t trust me, and you didn’t have faith in yourself or in my feelings for you. Next time something’s troubling you, talk to me, tell me about it, and we’ll work it out together, okay?"
Johner’s heart was soaring higher and higher at her words. "Next time" and "together" sounded awfully good to him right now, and he slowly bent his head to hers, revelling in the feel of her soft mouth eagerly seeking his and the warmth of her sweet body nestling closely against him. Then reluctantly he pulled back as a sudden thought struck him.
"Kate, now that you’ve left the Betty to go into business on your own we’ll never see each other," he declared in dismay. "You know what great distances we travel, and I’ll be gone for long periods of time."
"Ah, well that was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about," Kate began tentatively. "I..uh.. wondered if you’d be interested in joining me in this new business venture." She stared up at him, anxiously awaiting his reaction to her proposal.
This time Johner’s eyes literally stood out on stalks. "What?!" he exclaimed hoarsely, desperately trying to digest her words. "Did I just hear you right? You and me… going into business together?"
"Johner, it was only a suggestion," Kate assured him hastily, thinking that he hated the idea and was getting angry. "I’m not trying to push you into anything you don’t want to do, but…"
"Whoa there, just hang on a second," Johner cut in. "Are you telling me you’d actually consider going into business - with me?"
Kate nodded her head emphatically.
"But why?" Johner seemed completely mystified by this turn of events. "What possible use could I be to you in a venture of this kind. I’ve never taken any real responsibility for anything - or anyone - in my life." He stared at her in disbelief. "I wouldn’t know where to start, and I’ve got nothing to offer."
Kate laid her hand on his arm gently. "You have so much more to offer than you could ever imagine, Johner," she declared sincerely. "You’re strong, brave, and level-headed. You’re totally dependable in a crisis, and you have years of experience in the field we would be investing in. You’re vast knowledge of the freight and cargo industry would be invaluable. Combine that with my head for business, and you have a pretty unbeatable combination, don’t you think?"
Johner just stared at her wordlessly while he tried to take all this in. Watching Kate walking away from him earlier tonight had sobered him up completely so he knew he was no longer drunk, but suddenly his head was swimming and he felt quite dizzy.
"Will you just think about it?" she asked softly, and the light in her eyes as she gazed up at him seemed to illuminate his soul.
Johner nodded slowly as he pulled her back into his arms and held her tightly against him. God, he’d been starved of the sight of her these past few days, and he still needed to take in all that had been said in the last few minutes. He felt as if his whole life had been turned upside-down and then suddenly righted again.
"Yes, I’ll think about it," he murmured huskily against her ear, and his warm breath on her neck made her quiver with anticipation. "But it’s a very big decision and it’ll need a whole lot of negotiation. And," he continued warningly, "those negotiations could last all night long - and possibly a whole lot longer!"
Kate smiled demurely. "You drive a hard bargain," she whispered, drawing his mouth down to hers……..
The End.