Chapter Five

By the time she reached the first sentry post, her sobbing had quieted, but she was almost sick with worry. When the sentry said Vincent hadn’t passed by, she decided to look for him in his chamber. There was no sign of him there, nor did she find him at Father’s, not that she’d really expected to.

Her appearance set off Father’s internal alarms however. He was aware of Vincent’s plans to have dinner with Catherine. His attitude toward Catherine had softened considerably in the last months, since Vincent no longer had need to rescue her from dangerous situations, and dinner in Catherine’s apartment now seemed a relatively minor risk to him. But if Catherine was here, and looking distraught at that, where was Vincent?

"Have you seen Vincent, Father?"

"I thought he was with you."

"He was." She began to pace in a way very reminiscent of Vincent.

"He ran off?"

She nodded, still pacing.

"Well," he sighed. "I’m afraid it’s quite like to him to run off when he’s upset. But he always returns, in his own time. Did he come Below?"

She stopped. "I don’t know." She gave him a pleading look.

He went to the nearest pipe and tapped out a message. "I sent a message that I’m looking for him and if anyone sees him they should let me know his whereabouts."

"Thank you, Father," she said, relaxing just a bit.

"Certainly," he replied. "Would you like a cup of tea, my dear?"

She shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. "No, thank you."

A rapid tapping on the pipes caused her to look expectantly at Father. She had recognized Vincent’s name. "He’s been spotted," Father confirmed, "heading towards the lower tunnels."

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. "Thank you." She wished she could track Vincent in the same way he could find her, seriously considering going after him even without that ability. She found herself pacing again. She was all but certain she’d end up hopelessly lost if she went looking for Vincent, but then if she did, he’d likely come rescue her. She began to contemplate the ethics of such a ploy.

"Catherine?"

She stopped and looked toward Father, suspecting he’d said more words than just her name.

"Have a seat, my dear," he repeated.

"I can’t!" she almost shouted, her decision made. Ploy, schmoy! She was far too worried to do anything except: "I’m going to go look for Vincent!" She quickly left Father’s chamber amidst his protests.

***

She searched for hours. And she was hopelessly lost. And Vincent didn’t come. Cold, tired, and exhausted, she sank against a wall to rest a few minutes. And promptly dropped off to sleep.

She was shaken awake some time later. "Catherine!" Beast said urgently. "Wake up! I need your help!"

Disoriented, she tried to wake herself more fully. "Vincent, what’s wrong?" He knelt before her, his arms on her shoulders.

"It’s Vincent that’s wrong, my Beauty! He threatens to keep me from you forever!"

"How?"

He shook his head. "Don’t let him. Don’t let him keep me from you," he whispered. "I need you. I need you." He wrapped his arms around her, rocking back and forth.

She held him close, confused. Beast had never appeared to her in such a state. "I need you too. I love you."

He pulled away. "Talk to him, Catherine. Make him see reason. I’m going now."

Before Catherine could say or do anything, Vincent gasped, pulling back and away from her. "No!" he said, almost as if in despair.

"Vincent, it’s all right," she soothed, as he rose. "Please stay and talk to me."

He backed away from her, to a dark corner, and turned away, unwilling to face her.

"It’s all right, Vincent," she repeated as she rose from her place on the floor, not knowing what to say, but thinking that she should keep talking. "You haven’t done anything wrong. Honestly. Please don’t go away again. I need you. It’s all right. Please don’t leave again." She ran out of words and watched him intently for a few moments. "Vincent... are you all right?"

"No," he answered softly, beginning to pace. Catherine hoped the familiar action was a good sign. "I... I’m losing myself. I... I don’t know who I am. I don’t trust myself. I can’t...." He stopped pacing, glancing at Catherine and looked away again in shame. He emitted a deep and ragged sigh, revealing barely contained sobs.

"Vincent..." Catherine began in a comforting voice, not sure where she was going. And then, on an inspiration, "I trust you. I know you."

He glanced at her again.

"I love you," she continued. "All of you. Every part of you."

He sighed greatly and began to pace again. Catherine waited patiently for several minutes. When Vincent’s meditations showed no sign of abating, she began very slowly to approach him. He noticed her, but made no attempt at recoiling from or avoiding her. She continued her very slow approach, finally close enough to touch him as his pacing brought him near her again. She reached out and held his arms, stilling him. He could not look at her. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. Another ragged sigh escaped him, and he reciprocated her embrace.

"Oh, Catherine...." He sighed heavily yet again. "I don’t know what to say," he whispered.

"Shh," she soothed. "No words are needed."

He pressed his cheek to the top of her head, and they held one another for long minutes.

"Vincent," Catherine whispered, "Please don’t leave me. I need you."

He tightened his embrace and sighed. After another space of shared minutes, Catherine suggested gently, "Let’s head back up."

He nodded and led her out, holding her hand. He remained very quiet, and Catherine thought about the things Beast had said to her. "Vincent..." she began, "You wouldn’t ever... I need you. I don’t think I could go on without you. Promise me you’d never...."

He looked at her meaningfully, imagining his own life without Catherine in it. "I promise."

She squeezed his hand in thanks.

They walked in silence for some minutes, before Catherine broke it. "Vincent... may I ask you something."

He glanced at her non-committally and with more than a little wariness.

"Beast thinks—"

Vincent looked away uncomfortably, withdrew his hand from hers, and walked faster.

Catherine hurried to keep up with him, not knowing whether to continue, finally doing so. "He thinks you’re going to lock him away forever somehow."

Vincent stopped abruptly and turned to face her. "An animal such as he deserves no better treatment!" he snapped.

Taken aback, Catherine stared at him as he turned and continued walking. She didn’t know what to say, but she recovered enough presence of mind to follow him - she didn’t want to be lost again. After several more minutes, she suggested, "He’s not a bad person, you know."

This time, Vincent didn’t answer, or even acknowledge her.

"Maybe you should talk to him. Listen to him."

More silence.

"Please."

Vincent would say no more, and Catherine didn’t press him. The remainder of the trip back passed quickly, both lost in their separate turmoils. Vincent led Catherine to the threshold, bid her good night, and left without awaiting her reply.

"Good night, Vincent," she called after him, feeling somewhat forlorn. She sent her love through the bond and climbed up.

***

It was a long day at work. She persuaded herself not to worry only by reminding herself that worried feelings would adversely affect Vincent. As the workday drew to a close, she wondered whether to go Below and check on Vincent or to stay away and give him some space. A difficult choice, but in the end she decided to head home for a quiet evening, sending him her love all the same.

She was pleasantly surprised when she heard a familiar tapping on the glass that evening. She opened the doors and joined Vincent at the railing.

"Good evening, Catherine."

Catherine smiled. "Good evening, Vincent. I’m glad you came."

He glanced away and looked out over the city, as if stalling for time. Catherine gave it to him. Finally, he began, "Catherine... may I... can we talk?"

"Of course," she said, a bit apprehensive in light of his reluctance to do so the night before.

Vincent continued gazing out at the city. "I understand it must be difficult for you." He paused. "If you had chosen anyone else, I would be happy for you." He turned to meet her eyes. "Why him?" he asked, a trace of disgust in his voice.

Catherine was taken aback and stared at him, dumbfounded, for several moments. "Because I love him," she said at last, "As much as I love you."

"Why?" he asked, his disdain obvious. "How?"

Catherine stared at him again, alarmed that he could have such feelings toward a part of himself. She tried to collect her thoughts, but she was rattled enough that they didn’t come out as cohesively as she would have liked. "He’s... loyal," she began lamely. "He... is someone of passionate feelings, who isn’t afraid to express them." She tried to focus on Beast, using Vincent’s trick of gazing out over the city. "He cares about my feelings. I enjoy his sense of humor. He’s clever. He’s honest and forthright. He’s kind."

"Kind?!" Vincent interrupted, incredulous.

"He’s kind to me," she affirmed. Vincent continued to stare at her as if she’d lost her mind, so she returned her gaze to the skyline. "He has a certain... wildness... about him that...." She realized that she could very quickly lose herself in erotic feelings. She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself, continuing, "that’s very... beautiful. And very appealing." She paused. "That’s about all I can think of, just off the top of my head. Except of course that he loves me." She turned to look at Vincent again.

He held her gaze for a brief moment and then announced, "I must go." He began to climb over the wall and then paused for a moment. "Thank you. Good night."

"Vincent..." she began, but realized he would not stay. Accepting that he needed time, she nodded. "Good night." He disappeared. "Be well, Vincent," she called after him. She was left with a very unsettled feeling.

***

Which continued through the next week. She continued to send warm feelings to him through the bond, but stayed away in order to give Vincent time to come to terms with his feelings. The wait seemed interminable though, and more than once she had to stop herself from going to visit him. She was certain Father would send word if anything was too far amiss, and she tried to reassure herself that all would be well. Eventually... she hoped.

Meanwhile, she had grown accustomed to Beast’s late-night visits; she found herself growing increasingly edgy with each passing day. She tried to reason with herself that until recently she’d lived a celibate life for nearly three years - surely she could manage it again, but reason seemed to do her no good at all in this regard. The best she could do was to try to set those feelings aside.

At least some good came of the situation: she had nearly caught up on her reading. She almost wished she hadn’t told Joe she was cutting back her hours, but reneging on that promise now would do her no good in the long run. She sighed and directed her attention back to her book.

***

Several nights later, Catherine was drifting off to sleep when she heard a tap on her window. She put on her robe as she went to open the French doors.

"Vincent!" she smiled.

"Beast," he corrected.

Catherine was so dumbfounded by the fact that he’d actually knocked that she just gaped at him for a moment. "Uhh... come in!" she said finally.

He entered, closing the door behind him, and pulling Catherine into his arms. "I missed you," he said softly, the sentiment permeating the words.

"I missed you too," she whispered, barely able to speak for the fact that he was squeezing her so tightly. Her passion began to rise as she luxuriated in his embrace. He released her, and looked into her face. "Can we talk?"

Again speechless for a moment at such an unusual request from Beast, and experiencing a moment of déjà vu, she said, "Certainly."

He motioned towards the bed, and they sat. Beast touched Catherine’s face, his thumb on her cheek, his fingers on her neck. "I love you," he said simply, looking into her eyes.

Catherine was touched by the tenderness of his behavior tonight. She covered his hand with her own. "And I love you."

Beast pressed his forehead to hers. "I’m scared."

"Tell me."

"I’m afraid he’s going to make me go away."

"Can he do that?"

"I don’t know. He’s been doing a lot of thinking lately."

"Can you tell me about what?"

He shook his head. "I don’t know."

Catherine didn’t know whether that was good or bad. Beast put his arms around her again, holding her close. He presented such a picture of beautiful vulnerability that she couldn’t help but want to offer him comfort. She kissed his cheek. He looked at her, but didn’t object. "Can you stay a while?" she asked.

He sighed, ending the embrace. "Oh, my Beauty, I want to, but I dare not."

"Why not?" she asked, squeezing his arms. She wanted him to stay as much for her own sake as for his, and sex was only a small part of what she needed from him.

He shook his head. "I... I have not...." He paused, gazing deeply into her eyes for a moment, then looked away. "I’m sorry, my Beauty. I should not have treated you as I have."

She stared at him, again temporarily at a loss for words, and shook her head. "Beast... you’ve done nothing you need apologize for." He would not meet her eyes. "I enjoyed our... trysts." She spoke slowly. "Very much. As you well know." She found her desire rising again.

He leaned toward her, breathing on her neck. She moaned softly. "I want you. I’ve missed you terribly."

He wrapped his arms about her again, rubbing his face to hers. "My Beauty..." he whispered.

Catherine placed a soft kiss on his neck. And another, working her way toward his jaw. And another. She looked up at him and he stared back with longing. She began to unfasten his vest. He closed his eyes in surrender. Inexplicably, she found his passivity tonight arousing in the extreme. He let himself be undressed and guided to the center of the bed. Catherine tossed away her robe and nightgown and straddled him, wrapping her arms about his shoulders.

She kissed his forehead, then his temples, his ear. He growled slightly, his eyes closed. She kissed his cheek, his chin. He groaned. She covered his mouth with hers, beginning with a moist but otherwise chaste kiss. He sighed. She kissed his upper lip, caressing it with her tongue, then his lower lip, drawing it into her mouth. Then she placed chaste kisses on either side of his mouth.

He exhaled hotly and slid his hands up her back, holding her close. That was cue enough for Catherine to kiss him with her entire self. She opened her mouth to devour his and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Her hips began to move as well, their undulations matching those of her tongue. At last he returned her kisses, his tongue probing hungrily, groans emanating from deep within him, his hands stroking her back in a matching rhythm. Catherine’s soul was filled with joy. All passivity evaporating, he turned her onto her back, pressing her knees apart with his own and sliding smoothly inside her, his lips still joined with hers.

She moaned into his mouth, wrapping her arms and legs around his back, holding him tightly and never wanting to let go. His strokes were deep and intense, soul touching. Catherine lost touch with all reality except for him. Gradually, he slowed, his touch becoming infinitely tender and gentle, his every kiss an adoration. She wished it would last forever.

She was almost disappointed as she felt climax begin its approach. But that sentiment was short lived. Her joy redoubled as the tension mounted, and she realized she was feeling his feelings through the bond, so strongly. She opened her eyes for a moment, overwhelmed and bewildered. Then she accepted this change gratefully, joyfully, drawing his feelings into herself, welcoming him, projecting her own joy, love, and rapture back to him. His kisses slowed and then stopped, as his feelings intensified again. Climax washed over them both like a tidal wave, drowning them in ecstasy.

Catherine drifted slowly back to the surface, filled with wonder at the seemingly infinite depths of possibility between them. She felt a hot tear escape her eye and course down her cheek, and she smiled with joy and opened her eyes. She found him gazing at her in complete awe, an expression on his face of such love, of such wonder, of such— she gasped, daring to hope.

She reached up to touch his cheek. "Vincent?" she whispered, her lower lip trembling, her heart racing.

"Yes," he confirmed, pressing his forehead to hers. "Yes, Catherine."

Catherine burst into tears and wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, Vincent, is it really you?" she sobbed.

"It’s me, Catherine," he said, holding her tightly, as her sobs intensified to shake her whole body.

"Oh, Vincent... I was... so... worried!" she exclaimed between sobs. "I thought... I thought...." She gave up trying to articulate her thoughts and gripped him more tightly still, crying tears of relief and gratitude.

"I’m here, my Beauty. I’m here," he reassured her, holding her close and stroking her hair. "I won’t leave you."

"Beast?" she asked, confused and beginning to be alarmed.

"Vincent. Beast. I am he. There’s no more reason to worry. You have healed me and made me whole, Catherine. I owe you so much."

She looked at him lovingly, shaking her head in denial.

"What I have put you through... and how much you must obviously love me to have put up with it. Catherine, I do not deserve you!"

"I love you, Vincent. You’re worth any trouble. Anything. Everything. I love you."

"Oh, Catherine, I love you! Thank you. Thank you."

They took shelter in their shared embrace, the bond fully open, each reassuring the other with the awesome force that was their love. The remaining night was more intimate than anything they had yet shared, as they finally spoke of their feelings for one another, as they visited the vast worlds of possibility which now lay before them, as they lay in one another’s arms, their time together no longer so limited.

As they spoke of anything, and everything.

"Vincent, why was Beast so afraid you were going to make him go away forever? And why did his personality seem to shift after you... found out about us?"

Vincent took a deep breath. "Realizing what had happened was..." he exhaled, shaking his head. "Overwhelming."

Catherine nodded.

"Once I knew... I knew everything. All of his encounters with you, how he’d concealed evidence of them, all the times he’d taken dominance. And I began to be aware which parts of me he had control of, and that knowledge began to cause changes." He paused, thinking. "While Beast was still a separate entity then, I had reclaimed some parts of me where he had been dominant, and so he felt like he was... being made to go away. But that wasn’t the case at all. He, or rather those parts of me,  were just becoming reintegrated. All of his memories of you were... extremely vivid. I could not help knowing how much you... enjoyed...."

Catherine leaned forward and kissed his nose.

He smiled and then sighed. "My Beauty..."

She beamed and leaned forward again to kiss him properly, but stopped mid-kiss.

"Vincent?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is the Kama Sutra sexist?"

He looked at her in momentary surprise and then a bit of embarrassment. He cleared his throat. "Have you read the Kama Sutra?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well, there’s some speculation that the cultural biases of the 19th century translator are to blame, and not the original text, but... the book - or at least the version I’ve read - is sexist, Catherine. Many descriptions of the male doing this or that to his partner, as if she were a mere object." He shuddered.

"I see." Catherine smiled, grateful for Vincent’s enlightened attitude in these matters. "I love you."

Vincent, in turn, beamed. "I love you."

"So Vincent, tell me: what else did you learn from that book? Or perhaps I should ask: what did you learn looking at the pictures?"

The End