CHAPTER TWO: WAKING WITH THE DAWN

There was something in her voice. I don't know, a callingout to be a part of something - to belong. She's really just a girl,alone in a dangerous city. And it's Christmas . . .

So many come into your life, Catherine. This girl must have trulytouched you.

She's dying, Vincent - the streets are killing her, and she'sfighting to hold on to her spirit. And she's carrying a child. Shetold me that she would rather see the baby die than bring anotherlife into this world.

How can it be that this world could have no more to offer her?

I've talked to a dozen social workers and a dozen shelters, but Idon't think - I know she won't respond. She doesn't have the strengthanymore - or the hope.

Then she has lost her way.

I am afraid to think of what might happen to her, Vincent, if she'sleft alone. She's so far away from herself . . .

God Bless the Child (Written by Gansa & Gordon)

The sun rose that morning with an uncommon intensity, and in thesmall town in upstate New York it was a brilliance unencumbered bythe smog of surrounding urban centers. Bathing the world in its warmglow, it hurtled rays of light into every niche of darkness untilnight was obliterated by the dawning of a new day. From the thirdfloor of the patients' ward at the Pinewillow Convalescent Center alarge bay window bid the sun good morning with the same openness thatit had bid the moon good night mere hours earlier. But while the dayhad emerged in a joyous cascade of prism colors, its beauty servedonly to heighten the feeling of despair that blanketed the facility.Even the sun could not eradicate the desolation of this place wherebare white walls met worn white linoleum floors.

Despite its reputation, spacious grounds, and latest medicalequipment, Pinewillow still remained a long-term convalescentfacility where decades ago antiseptic efficiency had replaced humancompassion. That it was modern and clean, private and well-staffed,and monitored through a state-of-the-art security system to cater toan affluent clientele, could not erase the fact that it was a placethat had seen more illnesses than cures and where any vestige of hopefor recovery was thought to be both impractical and impossible.

In a corner room on the east end of the ward, a lone occupant laymotionless on the floor beside a standard hospital bed. In manyplaces the absence of the woman in her bed would have been cause foralarm. In Pinewillow, no one had even checked on the patient. Therewas no need. She had never moved without someone's prodding in theyear since she'd been admitted.

That her case was not diagnosed as terminal or irreversible was oflittle interest to the support staff who compelled her to move frombed to chair and back again several times daily, walked her aroundthe grounds, and maintained her appearance and hygiene. Pinewillowwas what it was. That she was a patient was sufficient to erase anythought that she'd ever be anything other than an empty shell, alivebut certainly not living. Thus, it was that the sun rose each morningto greet the woman with more optimism than those who cared for herday after day. Never discouraged, the golden disk crept higher intothe sky and silently accepted the welcome of the large bay window toenter her room. Dancing beams glided across the walls, and eventuallymade their way across the still body on the floor and onto the bedwhere no one lay.

It was nearly imperceptible, but slowly the figure began to move.With almost painful deliberation, she pushed herself up into asitting position until her back was supported by the side of the bed.She had only a vague recollection of what had transpired during thenight and now took her first real look at her surroundings. Sherealized immediately that she disliked the room. Its stark whiteness,devoid of all warmth and colors, reminded her too much of a morgue,and even though she didn't know how it was that she knew that morgueswere typically white, she was certain that the association wascorrect. It wasn't so much that she remembered being in a morgue anymore than she actually remembered anything else at the moment. It wasmore a feeling that she had - a feeling of familiarity that wasdeeper and more real to her than any amount of deductive reasoning.Hiding deep within her mind like a tangled web of shadows, thememories that could tell her what had brought her to this placedanced just beyond her grasp.

Slowly, she lifted her hand and examined it. Looking at herfingers bend one by one, she accepted the fact that she was alive.That, in itself, brought her a measure of surprise but no relief. Afeeling of dread clung to her subconscious, fueling the fear thatstill remained in the background. She had dreamed again; dreams lostin the black hole of her mind where she couldn't remember clearly butknew with certainty that they told of her destruction. She knew thisintimately, as only one who had been held in death's unrelenting gripcould know. Somehow she'd been spared, but not without consequence.Her weakened condition was simple proof of how narrowly she'descaped.

Everything around her was familiar in a vague sort of way, and shewas slowly coming to the realization that with the dawn, she'dreturned to the reality of life. Going back to the place wherenothing touched her was impossible now. Even in the brief time sinceshe'd found herself slumped in a heap on the floor, her mind hadbegun to process everything around her and was now demanding answersbased on concrete evidence and inescapable truth. She was compelledby a need to know; a compulsion that demanded that her confused mindmake order of who she was, where she was, and why she was now sittingon the floor beside a bed without even the energy to stand on herfeet.

Thus, it was with grim determination that she ignored the wave ofnausea that suddenly hit her and began to examine her surroundings.There was very little to the room from what she could see. It wassparsely furnished: a single chair and dresser were side by side toher right. Glancing to her left, a large machine stood silent in onecorner. With the exception of the bed which had been placed close tothe large bay window that dominated the room, there was nothing else.Obviously no great pains had been taken to make the room evenremotely appealing. Then, too, perhaps there had been no need forlavish amenities, as she remembered her feelings upon waking with thedawn -- feelings that told her she had been in a fugue for sometime.

Once again she searched her mind for answers, but there were none,save the feelings of bone-chilling fear - her fear. Focusing oncemore on the room, she wondered what was outside the door but knew shedidn't have the energy - or the courage, she admitted truthfullyto herself - to find out. Patience, she chided herself,but intuitively she knew that patience was probably not high on herlist of attributes. Nevertheless, the fact remained that she had nochoice. And so she waited, and as the minutes ticked by, herfrustration grew. More exasperating than the restrictions of her bodywere the questions that roared inside her head. It would have feltgood to lash out at something, but instead, she did the only thingher weakened body would allow. She stared around the room and triedto hold back her fear. She realized the extent of the strain when shelooked down to see that her hands had unconsciously balled up intofists so tight that her blunted nails were biting into her flesh. Shehad to get control of herself, and inhaling slowly, she unclenchedher fists.

After what seemed to be an eternity of staring at the empty roomand imagining any number of possible scenarios for her currentpredicament, she was startled from her reverie when the door suddenlyswung open. In walked a tall female in a stiffly starched white andblue uniform. While she could tell by the outfit that this person wasobviously some sort of medical attendant, the sharp sound of the doorbanging open had startled her into a paralyzing fear. She couldn'thave moved if her life depended on it, and further fueling her fearwas the fact that she wasn't certain that it didn't.

With an efficiency borne of monotonous routine, the attendantpulled a cart through the door and began extracting various sheetsand towels. She never even glanced at the empty bed as she walked tothe chair in the far corner of the room and dumped her load ofbedding onto it. Yet, only a few steps beyond her, the figure of awoman lay motionless on the floor, waging an internal struggleagainst her terror - for the redemption of her life. In the end, thethought of being left alone in the room with only her questioningmind for companionship outweighed her fear of this stranger. Shetried to speak, but her mouth was too dry. Her tongue felt too heavy,and the words simply eluded her. Fighting harder now to communicate,she reached out toward the woman, but found it was no longernecessary. Suspecting at last that something was amiss, the attendanthad finally looked at the bed and walking around it, nearly trippedover the patient on the floor - the patient who was even now raisingher arm toward the attendant in supplication.

"Oh my God, . . ." she gasped aloud. In her blind panic to put asmuch space as possible between herself and the figure on the floor,professionalism took a back seat as the woman abruptly turned andbolted out the door. She left behind the towels and sheets; the cartthat now lay on its side where it had crashed to the floor; and mostamazing of all, she left her patient on the floor in utter confusion.In actuality, it didn't matter to the woman all that much, becausefor a short blessed space of time, her fear receded and she wasdevoid of all emotions except utter amazement as she stared at theupturned wheels of the cart which still spun crazily before the nowclosed door.

Then she heard them....other voices from outside. Swiftly, thedoor opened again, and the room suddenly filled with people shedidn't know. The cart was hastily pulled upright and shoved into acorner. And then they were there. Hands reached out to her, touchingher, moving her, lifting her from the floor. Unable to stop them fromputting her back onto the bed, she cringed away from these strangersand slid as far away from them as she could. The problem stillremained -- for there was nowhere to go, and with mountingapprehension, she frantically looked at the sea of faces, searchingfor someone - anyone - who could make them go away.

Then in the midst of so much confusion, she saw an elderlygentleman step into the room and begin to make his way toward her.Though he was slight in stature and walked with a distinctive limp,he possessed an air of dominance and authority that emanated from himin waves. In obvious deference to him, the tight group of peoplesurrounding her now parted to let this man through. Once at herbedside he gripped her hand, and then looked imperiously around. Themood in the room changed dramatically as the man stared scornfully ateach person present with a look that promised future retribution forwhat had just occurred. Only when each person had looked away and noone was left with the courage to meet his intense gaze did he turnhis attention back to the woman whose hand he still held. In a voicethat left no doubt of who was in charge, he began to explain.

"Welcome, my dear. I'm Dr. Daniel Tallenger, head administrator ofthe Pinewillow Convalescent Center. First, allow me to apologize forthe rather unusual treatment you've received at the hands of mystaff. While many of those here have never had the opportunity towitness the recovery of one of our patients, that in no way excusestheir total lack of professionalism or disregard for standard patientprocedures. You have my word that they will be severely reprimandedfor this escapade; and rest assured that such an incident will notoccur again during your stay with us."
Even as he talked to her, his eyes continued to fire daggers ofdisapproval at the now embarrassed employees crowded around herbedside. This man gave the impression of total control, and heobviously did not suffer fools lightly. Frankly, she doubted he wouldforget anyone involved in this episode any time soon, and even thetone of his voice gave witness to his barely contained fury at hisstaff. From the looks on their faces, she correctly guessed thatevery last one of them was wishing that they were somewhere else --anywhere else -- other than in her room just now.

On the heels of that thought came the realization that she, too,feared this man. Doctor or not, she sensed he had the capacity fortotal ruthlessness, and despite her best efforts, she was helpless tostop the trembling of her hand still gripped tightly in his own. Henoticed immediately and abruptly looked away from his staff to turnedhis intense scrutiny on her. More quickly than she'd imagined withhis awkward gait, he walked around the bed and half filled a glass ofwater. Raising her head with one hand, he placed the glass to herlips.

"Drink slowly," he admonished; and after draining the small amountthere, she made a shaky effort to sit up. However, the same hand thatheld the glass, now put it away and restrained her.

"No, my dear, it's still too soon for you to get up, especiallyafter what you've just endured. Please, just rest. I'm sure no onehere wishes to distress you any further by our uninvited attentions.We'll give you some space now...right now," he saidwith a hard edge to his voice.

Although his glance was casual enough, his meaning was hardly loston those present: they had all been ordered to get out and stayout. Cued by the veiled threat in his command, the staffnervously began to file from the room in short order. No matter whathis motive, at that moment she was simply grateful that he had madethem leave. Her appreciation was short-lived, however, as he closedthe door on the last one and then proceeded to pull the single chairfrom across the room, whereupon he sat down beside her bed. It thenbecame apparent to her that while dismissing the others, he had everyintention of staying himself.

"I know you must be anxious to understand what's happened to you,"he began "but I'm afraid I know little more than you do at thepresent. I must insist, however, that from a medical standpoint it isimperative that you take things slowly right now. You mustn't run therisk of having a relapse and losing everything that it appears you'vegained."

The strain of the morning had begun to wear her down, and a dullpain in her temples warned her of the onset of a headache. Shewondered how long she would be able to hold a rational conversationwith the doctor before the worst of the pain closed in. Yet, in onething he was right: she was anxious to understand what hadhappened to her. And so she willed herself to hold back hergrowing fatigue and with a voice, roughened by disuse, she asked him,"So exactly what does that mean?"

Surprise flickered briefly across his face at her question, but hecovered the lapse immediately and answered her. "It means that you'vehad more than enough excitement for today. First thing in the morningwe'll give you a thorough physical examination. If everything checksout alright, as I have every reason to suspect it will, you'll soonbe well enough to start physical therapy. From there we hope yourprogress will result in a full recovery."

Although every instinct she possessed warned her to be careful ofwhat she said to this man, right now he was her only source ofinformation. So, shoving aside her apprehension, she nodded andwaited for him to continue. Once again, she got the feeling that shehad somehow surprised him. True to form, however, he quickly hid hisdiscomfort and set about explaining more about where she had spentthe last year of her life.

"As I mentioned before, Pinewillow is a long-term disabilityfacility for persons requiring extensive convalescent care. Despitewhat happened this morning, we have a very capable and dedicatedstaff who have cared for you since your arrival. Also, our facilityhas the reputation of being quite discreet with the backgrounds ofour clients. So, you see, there's nothing to fear. Most importantly,you can trust me that anything you say will remain strictlyconfidential between us. So since it appears you're up to it - whydon't we start with your name. . ?"

It was immediately apparent to the doctor that his words had hit anerve. For the most part, the woman had listened to him with only thebarest flicker of emotion. Now, however, he saw the first signs ofgenuine emotions as panic played across her face and her eyes dartedaway from his. At first this display had him convinced that she wastrying to deceive him, but he revised that opinion immediately as hesaw the first signs of tears in her eyes. Apparently her identity wasalready a sensitive issue in her mind, and as one tear defiantlyslipped from the corner of her eye, he instinctively sensed that morethan anything, she didn't want to break down in front of him. Waitingto see how this unusual patient would handle things now, he remainedsilent.

With a voice made even more hoarse from the emotions she felt andwas unable to hide, she finally replied to him. "My name? I thoughtyou would able to tell me that and how I came to be a guest at aconvalescent facility.. You see, I don't seem te be able to rememberanything."

Daniel Tallenger had interviewed more patients than he couldremember, and he knew he was fairly adept at discerning the truthfrom a lie. Not only that, but no patient in his long history couldhave faked the stricken look on her face and the intense sadness hefelt from her - especially not after just coming out of a virtuallycatatonic state. He believed her memory was truly impaired, and usinghis most reassuring voice, he told her, "If you don't remember thedetails right now, it's perfectly alright. Actually, I would havebeen surprised if you had complete recall. Given the length of timethat you've been ill, it's quite common for there to be gaps in one'smemory. I'm fairly certain this won't be a permanent condition andthe sooner we have you up on your feet again, the sooner the pieceswill begin to fall into place. So, you see there's no need tocry."

"I'm not crying!" she insisted irritably as a single tear escapedand betrayed her. It left a thin trail of wetness down her cheek thatshe impatiently wiped away with her hand, admitting only to herselfthat she was more upset over being so easily read in her weakenedstate than by the absence of her memory. In fact, she had no reasonto question his professional opinion that her memory would return intime, and this actually brought her a measure of reassurance. It didnot, however, make her trust him any more than when they first begantalking.

To his credit, the doctor ignored the obvious signs of herdistress, and if he was bothered by her agitation, he didn't showthat either. Of course, she thought uncharitably, he could afford tobe gracious to her. In her weakened condition, she had no doubts overwho held the power over whom. Yet, it would have appalled her to knowthat as the doctor carefully watched her, he could now easily readthe thoughts mirrored in her expressive eyes. Satisfied that shetruly knew nothing leading to her admission at Pinewillow, heinterrupted her private musings to generously offer hisassistance.

"So for now, are there any questions that I could answer foryou?"

After just a moment's hesitation, she realized that she neededinformation even more than the rest her body craved and quicklyresponded before he could use her obvious exhaustion to end theirtalk. "Please don't think I'm not appreciative," she began, "but I'msure you can understand that all of this is a bit much for me toaccept, especially when even you don't seem to know much about me -not even my name. So perhaps if you could contact my family orfriends. You know, let them know I've come around, then maybe theycan help me regain my memories. I mean, certainly there's somebodywho knows me."

Until that moment, Dr. Tallenger had appeared arrogantlyconfident, but even as tired as she was, she noticed the suddentension that her words generated. So she wasn't surprised when hesaid, "I'm afraid even that is a bit complicated. . . ."
She was disappointed, however, and turned her face away to hide thedespair that suddenly hit her and had her blinking furiously againstthe threat of new tears. She had dared to hope that she had family orfriends - someone - anyone - who could help open the missing placesin her mind. But she knew from his tone, even before he said thewords, that there was no one. She was totally alone, and even worse,her future was in the hands of a man she didn't know if she couldtrust. She desperately wanted information and the truth, and insteadshe saw the chances of getting either growing ever slimmer. Dr.Tallenger had ceased to speak while she gazed away, and when shefinally nodded her head to him, he again continued.

"Please try to understand, you came to us anonymously a littleover a year ago with no previous records or medical history. As afavor to a fellow colleague, I authorized your admission, but no onehas ever visited or called about you since your arrival. The cost ofyour care has been covered through a monthly electronic transfer offunds - all legal, mind you, but quite impersonal. I am truly sorryto say this, but I have no additional information on you. Unlikeyourself, the vast majority of our patients never recoversufficiently to live normal, productive lives, and by the time theycome into our care, their loved ones have accepted that fact. Most ofour patients wouldn't be aware even if they received visitors, anduntil recently, you were also such a case. So you see, it's notunusual that we've heard nothing from your family or friends."

She looked at the doctor as he spoke and again somethinginstinctual kept her from taking his words at face value. In herheart, she knew there was more to her situation than what he had justshared with her. It wasn't what he had told her, so much as what shesuspected that he had omitted. The very idea that he had admitted heron the word of a fellow physician without even obtaining her name wasjust plain odd. In fact, the entire story was so unorthodox that itboggled her mind; a mind that was keeping pace with her exhaustionand an accelerating headache. And if she weren't so tired, she wascertain she would have challenged his story directly -- but now wasdefinitely not the time. Still, she did nothing to hide her obviousskepticism as she told him, "OK. I accept what you've told me -there's no family or friends. So could you tell me how to contactyour colleague, the one who arranged for my admission and care -- orbetter yet, the one who has been paying for all this?"

Wearily, Daniel Tallenger rubbed his hands across his eyes. Thingswere definitely not going as he'd expected. Few patients questionedhim to such an extent, actually none in recent memory, and certainlynot any who had just emerged from a near catatonic state! While hecould honestly say he didn't know the woman's identity, he wasgetting a pretty good read on her personality; and early in theirdiscussion he had ceased to be amazed that she was now awake. She wasobviously the kind who didn't know when to give up. It just madesense that somewhere in her life, she must have run into some prettymean characters who found her as uncooperative as he was beginning tofeel. That was probably why she had been tortured to near death, andhe also bet that whatever they had wanted out of her, she had neverdivulged. She was simply the kind who would have died first, butthen, she hadn't died. Even now the woman was plainly exhausted andrunning on sheer determination, and yet she was adamant aboutquestioning him! Stifling his annoyance, he checked that his mask ofsincere concern was firmly in place and responded to her.

"I am sorry, but as a professional courtesy, I have given my wordnot to divulge the identity of your referring physician or yoursponsor without permission. It's important that you understand thatyour transfer here was done quite secretly, and all I have trulygathered is that you were in some sort of trouble. So puttingtogether the scant pieces that I was told, I suspect that we'veserved as more than just a place for you to recuperate. I think thisis also where you were hidden for safety - and as I informed youinitially, Pinewillow is known for its discretion and confidentialhandling of our patients' backgrounds."

This time she did believe he was telling her the truth, and itstood to reason that in the past she had been in danger. How elsecould she have wound up in such a condition in a place like this withno one who could explain her presence? The pounding in her head hadbecome too painful to ignore, and her body ached with the exertion tokeep pressing for answers. Yet, she knew that in spite of herweariness, it was more the state of not knowing that wasdraining the last reserves of her strength. Then as the doctorreached over to squeeze her hand in what he thought was a supportivegesture, it took all of her remaining willpower not to flinch. Sheknew then that there would be no more questions for today.

Satisfied that he had allayed her fears, Dr. Daniel Tallengerpatted her hand comfortingly and told her with all the sincerity hecould dredge up, "I truly regret that I don't have the answers to allyour questions, my dear. However, let's not lose sight of the mostimportant thing. And it is that you've come through the worst, andnow conscious and alert, there will be plenty of time for you to findthe answers you seek. For now I suggest we let the questions go andconcentrate on building up your strength. Despite the unusualcircumstances of your stay here, many people here have worked veryhard to see this day when you would begin to reclaim your life. Thetruth of your background will reveal itself in time, and regardlessof what that might be, let me say on behalf of our entire staff thatwe're very happy that you've pulled through."

Inwardly, she admitted that from what she could discern, she hadbeen well cared for during her illness. For that she owed the staff adebt of gratitude. And yet, despite his words, she found herselfdoubting that happiness was what he was feeling toward her at themoment. Then, as tired as she was, perhaps she was sensing dangerwhere there was none. Perhaps the doctor did wish that he had more totell her. So why did she continue to have the distinct impression hewas only happy that she had stopped with the questions?

With a sigh of resignation that she couldn't completely hide, sheaccepted that there was absolutely nothing she could do at themoment. He said she'd been there for over a year, a little longerwould hardly seemed to make any difference. So for now, she conceded.There was nothing more to do other than to simply say thankyou.

Dr. Tallenger heaved a sigh, as if he, too, were relieved to getpast the last half hour of their conversation. Then he rose from thechair. "There really is no need to thank me. It's why I'm here andwhat I do. And I noticed you seem to be suffering from quite aheadache. That's also to be expected. I'll have the nurse in directlyto give you something for the pain so you can relax . . . . Oh yes,and we do need to call you something. For the past year, you'vesimply been 'the patient in 48-D' and that simply won't do at thispoint in your recovery."

Perversely, she was tempted to tell him to continue to call her48-D. She felt no connection to any name, and the throbbing in hertemples made such considerations the least of her concerns. Then thepart of her which could still think reasonably acknowledged that onthis issue, the doctor had a point. Immediately she grabbed the firstname that came to mind. "Perhaps Caitland? Yes, Caitland. That willdo as well as any other name."

Dr. Tallenger now smiled, knowing that his patient was unawarethat he was more than ready to get away from her probing questionsand leave her to rest. Reaching over, he gave her hand another quicksqueeze. "Well, Caitland it will be then. Now, why don't I get thenurse in here for you and let you get some much needed rest. Witheverything we've talked about, you must be exhausted."

She looked up at him and gave a slight nod in agreement. "I amtired," was all she said, and with nothing more from her, Dr.Tallenger shook his head and left the room.

The young woman who had given herself the name Caitland didn't goto sleep immediately. After the nurse came and went, she foundherself still too anxious to fall into the oblivion of sleep. In thequiet of the room, she finally began to sort through the first hoursof her new life. If Tallenger were to be believed, it didn't seemvery promising. Her past life was gone, and she didn't have a clue asto how to get it back or if she even had a life to get back. The onlything she knew with certainty was that she was mired in a whole lotof trouble and apparently there were no easy answers to be found. Shedidn't want to feel sorry for herself, but the life she now facedleft her feeling empty and alone. She hadn't lied when she'd told thedoctor that she was tired, and she was grateful for the medicine thatbegan to quiet her mind. Slowly she closed her eyes, and as she beganto drift off, the last thought she had was, God, what a mess. .. . .

Once in the hallway, Dr. Daniel Tallenger's disposition took a turnfor the worse. It was obvious that he was annoyed. Impatiently heheaded for his office as fast as his arthritic hobble could take him.He was oblivious to the employees who made hasty retreats intovarious rooms and hallways to avoid him. It wouldn't have mattered ifhe had seen them. The doctor was far too absorbed in his thoughts tocare about the hired help at the moment.

Fine, just fine.... he thought. What was he going to dowith the woman now that she was conscious? With more than half of thefloor present to see her, it wasn't like he could just put her inisolation somewhere and no one would notice.

Over the months he had almost forgotten that her condition wasn'tclassified as irreversible. Jameson had mentioned that she might comeout of it when he brought her to him that night, but given theseverity of her injuries and the catatonic state she had lapsed into,there had been nothing to indicate things would ever change.

Great, just great; now he had a prima donna Jane Doe on hishands who was going to be a major thorn in his side. He hadn't beenfooled in the least. He knew she hadn't bought his story completely.Still, the basics were true. All he had omitted was the enormous feethat had been charged for her care and how major portions of thatmoney had been diverted to several private accounts - all belongingto him. "Damn," he swore savagely under his breath. Sheshould have been a cash cow for the center for years to come, and hisown personal retirement fund. Now, in barely thirteen months she wasawake and looking for friends and relatives. If she only hadn'tawakened in front of the entire staff!

Absorbed in these thoughts, Tallenger barely noticed when he wasjoined on his solitary walk back to his office by his Supervisor ofNursing, Betty Carlisle. "How is she?" Betty asked, taking immediatenotice of the doctor's preoccupied look and his agitated gait whichwas always more pronounced when he was angry. Taking cue from thesewarning signals, she quietly matched her stride to his and waited forhim to acknowledge her presence..

"How is she? A hell of a lot better than I expected her to be," hesaid irritably. "Although she doesn't remember, at the moment, howshe came to us or why, but we both know that's no big surprise inthese cases. I suspect it's only a matter of time before she regainsher memories."

"So what went wrong?" Betty asked carefully. It wasn't herintention to become the target of Daniel's obvious displeasure, butif it related to a patient, she was obligated to find out theproblem, especially when it involved a patient who had made such amiraculous recovery.

"Who said there's a problem?" Daniel replied. Then with drippingsarcasm, he continued. "I just spent the better part of an hour beinginterrogated by a patient who just woke up from no man's land and whohad the utter gall to express her disdain over my lack of informationabout her past. I swear, I felt as if I was beingcross-examined by the little chit."

Pretending not to notice the doctor's disparaging remarks, Bettyremained upbeat. "Ok. So it seems she's going to be alright with theexception of what's probably only a temporary memory loss. She'llkeep for now, but knowing how you dislike aggressive patients, I'mmore concerned about you, Dr. Tallenger. Need I remind you that youdo have hypertension? Was she really worth getting this riled upabout?" she queried with a half-smile.
Despite using his formal title, Daniel heard the amusement in hervoice and glared at her - to no avail. Betty's face was the perfectreflection of concerned professionalism, and the doctor quicklywondered if he'd imagined her insolence. Without answering her, hecontinued his progress down the hall.

Betty kept easy pace with the doctor, have nearly five inches overhim in height. Reflecting over his attitude, she wondered if therewas more to this than what he was saying. She knew how much the gooddoctor hated complications; and more than anyone, Betty knew how muchof a complication the patient in 48-D could become for Daniel. Theyboth had acknowledged that this new patient was well worth theround-the-clock care she had received since being admitted. Losingher as a patient would certainly put a dent in the center's revenues.Then, too, Daniel hated being challenged by a patient...anypatient...and by his attitude, Betty suspected their newly awakenedpatient had asked more than just the standard questions to socompletely ruffle the doctor's professional feathers.

Out of the blue, he suddenly stopped and turned to her. "You askme how am I and remind me of my blood pressure! Where the hell wereyou this morning? It was damned frustrating to walk in there to begreeted by half the staff, Betty. They nearly scared the woman backinto a comatose state and no one had the sense to recognize herdistress. So what exactly was that all about?"

Before she could formulate a reply, he turned and walked down aside corridor that housed the administrative suites. They had reachedhis office, and as the doctor settled in his chair, Betty sat acrossfrom him, separated by the large mahogany desk. She knew there wouldbe hell to pay for that little gathering of staff in the girl's room,but it couldn't be helped. Better to let him take it out on methan the staff, she thought. Lord knows he did that oftenenough, and the entire ward staff were petrified of Daniel'sheartless reprisals. Unfortunately, Pinewillow was the singularemployer in the area and many depended on their positions to supporttheir families. As for her, Betty had been with him too long and knewtoo much. She was confident he wouldn't fire her in one of his fitsof anger. Nevertheless, she didn't look forward to listening to himrant and rave at her either. With more than a little defensiveness inher voice, she gave her explanation.

"It was the new orderly, Beth, who discovered her lying on thefloor. She's only been on board for a month, and it just plainspooked her. As for the rest, most of them didn't even know she wasawake until they arrived in her room. They were responding to Beth'scall for help. As for my whereabouts, you do remember that I'm on aflex shift this week, and I wasn't expected in until 10. By the way,I'm here early, if you're keeping tabs. Bottom line, Dr. Tallenger,is that no one expected her to just come out from under like that. Itwas an unfortunate incident, but it's over and no one was reallyharmed. If our patient questioned you to the extent you sayafterwards, that's your proof that she's none the worse for wear. Somy suggestion is that we issue a memorandum on protocol for newlyrevived patients and conduct an in-service training to make sureevery employee is informed of the proper procedures."

As he opened the chart, Betty was relieved to hear him saysuggestion accepted. But knowing the Dr. Daniel Tallenger asshe did, she couldn't believe that this was simply the end of theincident. Daniel was nothing, if not predictable, in his retribution,and so it didn't surprise her when he gave the next order.

"And as for that orderly....what's her name? Beth? That one I wantout of here as of this afternoon if not sooner No discussion on this,Betty. Her behavior was more than unacceptable. It was unpardonable.So just get rid of her."

Betty didn't respond. She just sat back and waited for him tocomplete his notes on the interview with the woman in 48-D. Inreflection, Daniel had actually acted in moderation. She remembered atime nearly five years ago when he had fired the staff of the entirethird floor for the mistake of one nurse. So while this was lessdramatic, Betty still felt that Beth deserved another chance. Awritten reprimand, perhaps, but termination? She silently fumed asshe thought of what a truly gifted and brilliant physician andadministrator Daniel Tallenger could be, when he didn't let his ego,his ambition, and his temper get in the way. It seemed to Betty,though, that either she was becoming less tolerant of her boss orlately all three were getting more and more in the way.

Betty Carlisle had been Supervisor of Nursing at Pinewillow forthe past ten years. During that time, she had seen the entirespectrum of emotional, physical, and neurological disorders - fromcatatonic to comatose - and she knew, based on what Daniel hadreported, that the young woman in 48-D should respond quickly totreatment. She certainly didn't seem the kind of patient to wallow inself-pity if the way she awoke today was any indication. In anyevent, it had been Betty's experience that the vast majority ofpatients who awoke from a severe catatonic state that had lasted aslong as this woman's often didn't speak coherently for weeks. Askingquestions and interacting in the manner alluded to by Daniel wasvirtually unheard of.

Reflectively, Betty recalled the night she had been paged to meetDr. Tallenger on the roof of the East Wing. She had thought it astrange request at the time, but soon discovered it was nothingcompared to the even stranger events which had unfolded later. Sheand Daniel were the only witnesses to the patient's late nightarrival. A helicopter landed in the stealth of night carrying onlythe pilot, a New York doctor, and the body of an unconscious andgravely ill woman. What was even more disturbing was that the womanhad no paperwork - nothing - not even a name. Betty had not approvedof Daniel admitting the woman, but years of working with the doctorhad compelled her to trust his judgment, to follow his orders. Sincethat night, though, she'd had plenty of time to question the wisdomof her decision to blindly follow Dr. Daniel Tallenger.

Though he had not seen fit to introduce her to the two strangers,Betty remained in the room as the unknown doctor gave a brief accountof the woman's injuries and condition. And then she caught a glimpseof her. She was attractive and slept peacefully in the still,seemingly lifeless grip of unconsciousness; and it was then thatBetty's concern with precedent and procedures dissolved and she sawthe woman for what she truly was: a very sick patient. Sheassisted Daniel as he transferred her from the portable life supportequipment in the helicopter to the center's intensive care ward.There, they worked through the remainder of the night and well intothe next day, stabilizing her condition and creating the necessarydocumentation to establish her as a patient of the facility. Thatnight Daniel had made it clear that Betty was to be personallyresponsible for the care of their mysterious unconscious patient.Over the next several months, she came to accept the woman in 48-D,at least without further questioning Daniel about her history orunorthodox admission to Pinewillow. Now, more than a year later, thewoman was awake. Betty could only shake her head in wonder at thetenacious life force of some patients to survive against allodds.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice that Daniel had finishedwriting and was patiently waiting for her to respond to what he hadjust said. Shaking off the past, she looked up.

"Sorry. Did you say something?" she asked.

With his usual snide attitude, Daniel replied, "I didn't mean tointrude on your personal time Nurse Carlisle, but I was informing youthat she would like to be called Caitland....I wonder where she gotthat name from? Anyway, you're still in charge of her, Betty. Sheseems to be clueless as to her reason for being here, but if shebegins to remember absolutely anything, I want you to notify meimmediately. As it stands now, she's not happy with her situation,and I suspect she'll be somewhat difficult to handle if myconversation with her today is any indication. So I'm giving you fullrein to schedule her however you see fit - just keep her happy andout of my way."

When Betty offered no comment, he continued. "Regarding hertreatment plan, first I want to make sure that there are no residualeffects from her illness, so schedule her for a full physical. I'mnot contacting her sponsor until we're absolutely certain that hercondition is stable and she'll make a full recovery. From what I knowof him, I suspect he's not the type to appreciate us raising falsehopes. Once he's told, you better believe we'll have to produce amiracle: a completely recovered patient who's healthy and mentallystable."

Betty suddenly stiffened and sat forward. Looking straight at thedoctor, she spoke in the frank manner that was her trademark. "ButDaniel, that's exactly what she is: a miracle!"

Seeing him raise one eyebrow in surprise at her intensity, Bettyslid back down in her chair and decided it was time to lay everythingout on the table. With more control of her emotions, she quietlyrepeated herself, "She is a miracle; and I don't see how can you seeit otherwise with her coming here within twenty-four hours ofbirthing a child, half dead, hemorrhaging, and filled with enoughmorphine to kill a man twice her size - and yet she survived! Now shewakes up. There's no obvious brain damage or psychosis, merely theusual memory loss. How can this be anything other than miraculous?You know, I've never been comfortable with how she came to us, but Iaccepted your decision. Now, the unbelievable has happened: she'sawake and she's lucid. There's bound to be questions; if not fromher, then from the staff. Some of them still remember what she waslike when she first came. And from what you've said, she's alreadyquestioning how she ended up here . . . . So what if she asks abouther injuries? How she was hurt? What if she asks what happened to herbaby? What ifÐ"

"Damn it Betty!" the doctor interrupted heatedly. Half outof his chair by now, he rose to lean across the large desk and staredown at his Supervisor of Nursing. "Has everyone around here losstheir minds as well as their professionalism just because one patientwoke up? You know the score! You're not authorized to sayanything of a medical or psychiatric nature to a patient. Thesame thing goes for the staff, and I'll fire the first son-of-a-bitchwho disregards that rule. None of you are this woman's attendingphysicians. So if she asks, you can answer her honestly: You arenot authorized to know anything about her case! What can bemore simple than that?"

Breathing heavily, he felt a quick pain pass through his chest andwith obvious effort, he concentrated on regaining control of histemper. It just seemed that everyone - even Betty, his mostdependable employee - was conspiring to make a total catastrophe overthis one patient. It was definitely making him nervous, and yetnothing would be served by shouting at Betty Carlisle. Of all thestaff, he knew he needed Betty's help with this one, and the lastthing he wanted to do was to alienate her. Plus she deserved morethan that for an answer. Betty had helped him with saving the woman'slife, and she was loyal to a fault -- never breathing a word abouthow the woman had become a patient at Pinewillow. It certainly wasn'ther fault that out of the blue the patient had suddenly regained herwits.

Putting down his pen, he leaned back in his chair and looked atBetty Carlisle appraisingly. She was a sturdy Black woman offorty-five with high cheekbones and a proud bearing that commandedthe respect of others, even without the benefit of her deep,no-nonsense voice. Daniel had come to appreciate long ago that Bettywas a rare find in his kind of profession. It took a special kind ofnurse with a deep abiding respect for human life in all its variousforms to care for unresponsive patients. Betty was that individual.Instead of seeing the patients as mindless bodies as did so manyothers, Betty saw her patients as individuals with past lives,families, friends, hopes, and dreams. Daniel knew she took the chargeof their care as personally as if they were a part of her own family.It was her calling: to care for them over the weeks, months, and evenyears, with dignity and respect until, as today, one of them awakenedto reclaim the life that had been left behind.

He pushed the chart across the desk to Betty, and when he finallyspoke, it was as the doctor Betty had come to know and respect whileworking by his side for the past two decades, rather than thecynical, power-hungry chief administrator who she often barelyrecognized.
"Betty, the truth is, I don't know what happened to this woman. Youwere there that night and heard everything with me. The doctor was afriend of mine from medical school who asked for my help in savingher life. I asked him for more details, but he told me that for hersafety, as well as my own, he couldn't supply any more information.Frankly, after talking with her today, I'm glad I don't know anymore. She was definitely in trouble...very serious trouble, and shestill could be. Look, I'll even admit I took a big risk in allowingher in our facility. You've got to admit, though, that it's paid offroyally. At the time we desperately needed the revenues, but beforeI'll allow her presence to endanger our operations here or the otherpatients, I'll set her outside the doors myself and tell her sponsorto pick her up by the side of the main road."

"But we aren't at that point with her - yet" he told her now inearnest, "The fact still remains that she has just awakened from morethan a year in the twilight zone! Even if we knew the entire story -even if you were ethically allowed to tell her what we discovered ofher condition when she arrived - I suspect that right now it would betoo much of shock a for her to assimilate. If she doesn't rememberbeing pregnant or having a child, telling her could do more damagethan good, compromising all the strides she made today in waking up.You and I both know that her illness wasn't just a response tophysical trauma. Hell, we had her stabilized by morning! That womanexperienced something so emotionally devastating that she underwent atotal psychological collapse. She simply shut down, and right now wecan help her the most by allowing her to bring back the memories whenshe's ready to face them."

Daniel now stepped around the desk to stand directly in front ofBetty. As he moved, Betty could tell from his face that the chiefadministrator had returned, and business was back to usual. It amazedher how he could switch from the blunt truth to bull in a matter ofseconds...must be a requirement of the position, she thoughtcynically. Focusing now on what he was saying, Betty found that shehad to bite the inside of her lip to stop the retort that she sobadly wanted to throw back at him.

Totally oblivious to the rising ire of his nursing supervisor, acalmer Tallenger now continued. "There's one more thing, Betty. I'mhesitant to certify that she's completely in the clear, and I thinkI'm justified in this decision. We must continue to see how she doesover the next few months. If she has truly recovered, I'll get amessage to her sponsor. He gave explicit instructions for us not tocontact him under any circumstances regarding the woman, unless therewas an emergency. I think you'll agree that this doesn't constitutean emergency as such, merely a change in her status. So I want you tocontinue to monitor her health - get her adjusted to our facility,become the friend she can confide in if she experiences any concerns.If anyone can help her regain her strength, I know you can, Betty.But stick to the basics. I don't want you pushing her to conjure upmemories just to satisfy your curiosity. Let's leave that to thetherapists and her doctors. And as for her past, it's a closed book.Is that clear?"

"Crystal clear," Betty replied. "I just hope for the sake of thatpoor woman that things have changed for her on the outside." Bettystood and picked up the chart. "I'll get her scheduled for a completeexam tomorrow and put these physical therapy orders inimmediately."

Walking back to his side of the desk, Tallenger easily answeredher. "That's fine, Betty. Oh, and by the way . . . .about the otheremployees in the woman's room today . . . ."

Suspecting what was coming, Betty braced herself, and while herface remained impassive, inside she felt the tenuous hold on hertemper begin to slip. Defiant, stormy brown eyes bored into DanielTallenger with undisguised disapproval. As usual, the doctor ignoredthe look Betty's look. He'd seen it often enough in the past, but heremained unfazed. In the end, Betty Carlisle always came around, andif she didn't, in his mind she was just as expendable as any otherstaff.

Clearing his throat, he continued. "Get a list. I want the namesof each staff person who entered that room this morning, and I wantthat list today. I'll expect you to issue reprimands in the personnelfolders of everyone who was involved by the end of the week."

"But Dr. Tallenger...." she began.

"Oh, and they're all docked a full day's pay. Anyone who has aproblem with that is welcome to turn in a resignation to meimmediately. Now that will be all, Nurse Supervisor Carlisle," hesaid with a finality that Betty knew no amount of protest or beggingwould change. Turning away, Betty walked quickly out of his doorbefore her indignation led her to let him know exactly what shethought of the person he'd become. At least this time he hadn't againfired the entire ward, but regardless of that, the whole affair leftBetty with a bad taste in her mouth and mounting doubts about thegood Dr. Daniel Tallenger.

Letting a long sigh escape, Dr. Daniel Tallenger felt confidentthat he had arrested the suspicions of his nursing supervisor, and herelaxed for the first time since he'd gotten the page that the womanin 48-D had come out of her stupor. What he wanted now was a strongdrink. With a grim smile, he opened a hidden compartment within hiscredenza and took out a bottle pouring himself a liberal amount ofhis favorite brandy..

He was definitely getting too old for days like today. Retirementwas looking better and better to him, and there was more than enoughmoney now to sit back and enjoy life. After he had taken care of hislatest problem in 48-D, he was definitely turning it all in. After acareer like his, he deserved the good life...free of inquisitivepatients, irritating staff, and nosey nursing supervisors. Then, withthoughts of deep-sea fishing foremost in his mind, he leaned back inhis chair and downed his drink in one gulp.

Outside the office, Betty Carlisle proceeded to put the chart backin order and headed down to the physical therapy ward. For more thana year she had kept her doubts about their involvement with thiswoman buried beneath professional loyalty to Daniel. But now thedoubts resurfaced like a flare. She was damned pissed off. She didn'tlike being forced to fire staff or generate reprimands and pay-cutswhen she felt their actions hadn't warranted such severe reprisals.And most of all, she didn't like to be played for a sucker. She knewthere was definitely something odd going on, and it directly involvedtheir newly awaked patient, Caitland.

As much as a part of her wished she could ignore her intuition andaccept Daniel's words at face value, to do so would be to betrayherself and her commitment to her patients. She knew this wassomething Daniel had never really understood about her. She had aprofessional and ethical bond to her patients that ran to the verycore of who she was. As a woman and a minority, she had no tolerancefor the games that people played with the lives of others, and aboveall she definitely would not stand by while a patient under her carewas abused or manipulated - even by the great Dr. Daniel Tallenger.As for this particular patient, she had already been through so muchthat as far as Betty Carlisle was concerned, enough was enough. Thewoman's benefactor should have been notified immediately, and thathad been the real tip-off for Betty. She had never known Daniel tohesitate in contacting a patient's family when one awoke. So why nowwould he want to keep this particular patient isolated from thesponsor who had paid so much to insure her care?

Taken all together, Nursing Supervisor Betty Carlisle wasabsolutely certain that Dr. Daniel Tallenger was trying to coversomething up or even worse, intended to keep Caitland on as a patientfor the revenue she would generate for the center. Betty knew shecould never be a part of such a direct violation of a patient's rightto recover and reclaim her life, and she hoped that for once she waswrong in reading Daniel. Yet, whatever it was, Betty had sensed thenefarious undercurrents, and she planned in no uncertain terms tofind out what was going on. For now, however, she would bide hertime. Past experience had taught Betty when to keep her questions toherself, lie low, and simply observe. And as smart as the good doctorwas, it still amazed her that by now he hadn't learned that secretseventually leak out. They always did.