CHAPTER SEVEN: CAGED

Speak to me, please. I know you can, I heard you. You've gotto let me help you!

Then release me.

Ohhh...so you can speak. And you can understand what Isay?

Yes.

Why did you keep silent in front of Gould?

The other man means me harm. No words could changethat.

I never meant you harm. You must believe that . . . Do youhave a name?

Vincent.

Vincent. My name is Hughes. I have so many questionsÐYouspoke the name Catherine. Who is Catherine?

She's everything, but she lives only in myheart.

Is she like you, another of your kind?

There's only me.

Vincent, what are you?

I am only what I am. If you cut me, I will bleed. If youstrike me, I will strike back. And if you keep me in chains, I willdie. Look at me.

I don't know what to do!

Let me go.

Nor Iron Bars a Cage (Written by Gordon, Gansa & Perlman)

Betty Carlisle was making good time on her way back to herprivate office near the fifth floor nurses station. As she walked,she reflected on the conversation she'd had with Caitland...

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After her weekly staff meeting, Betty had found herself standingbefore the unopened door of the exercise room. Until that moment,she'd been unaware that she'd walked a straight path to where sheknew Caitland would be at this time of morning. For a moment, shestopped just outside the door to think about her preoccupation withthis particular patient. Like many of the staff, Betty was astonishedat the remarkable change in Caitland over the past several weeks. Itseemed that overnight her reclusive persona had been tossed aside tobe replaced with a thriving, energetic young woman who burned with aninner passion for life. Frankly, Betty was at a loss to explain whathad caused the turnaround. It certainly hadn't been anything she'ddone. Thus, needing things to make sense and suspicious of a+transformation that held no obvious explanation, Betty began makingit her habit to visit Caitland daily.

Usually, Betty's schedule afforded her only the late afternoon tovisit. Finding herself at the entrance of the exercise room at 8a.m., Betty quickly rationalized that there was certainly nothingwrong with checking in on Caitland while she exercised rather thanlater in the day. Closer to the truth was that Caitland's entire casewas one giant mystery, and Betty couldn't resist trying to 'solve'her. Thus, having reasoned through her unusual behavior to hersatisfaction, Betty stepped into the room.

The fully equipped weight and exercise room was the center's mostrecent addition. Betty knew that Daniel intentionally led visitors bythe area as an example of the progressive treatment facilitiesprovided at Pinewillow. What he failed to inform the families,however, was that only a handful of the patients ever recoveredenough to set foot in the room. This morning there were severalemployees at various stages of exercising and aerobics. In the farback corner, she saw the bobbing up and down of a honey-colored headand set out in that direction. Caitland was already working out atthe sixth station of her exercise program, and Betty was fairlycertain that she had mercilessly pushed herself to the extreme ingetting there; as she did in everything she attempted lately. This,too, was a part of the new Caitland: a woman on a mad race with timeand defying every standard set for accomplishing her treatment goals.Drawing up beside the young woman, Betty casually spoke to her.

"Good morning, Caitland."

A cursory nod of her head was the extent to which Caitlandacknowledged the nursing supervisor. Observing Caitland's absolutefocus on her routine, Betty bit down on her lip as she reconsideredthis visit. Perhaps now really wasn't a very good time to try toengage Caitland in a conversation. Caitland's seemingly fragile buildand calm disposition belied an inner strength and an iron will. Bettyknew that when put to the test, Caitland could be more than stubborn:she could be downright unmovable. Yet even Caitland's obstinacy,Betty reasoned, served her well as her determination and fierceindependence continued to beat down the debilitating effects of herlong illness. Right now, however, Betty found herself wishing thatCaitland was just a bit less focused on her present endeavors.

For several minutes she simply watched Caitland work out. Bettywas familiar enough with her patient to know that nothing short of anatural disaster would make her stop in the middle of her routine.For that, she couldn't help but admire the woman's determination toregain her physical stamina. She also knew that her intrusion on thistime would probably be unwelcome. Still, Betty was quite obstinate inher own way and equally determined to break through the wall behindwhich Caitland hid her true self. Putting on a smile and air ofconfidence she didn't quite feel, she once again broke the silencebetween them.

"Caitland, my staff meeting ended early this morning, and I've gota few free minutes on my hands. So how about taking a short breakwith me? It really would do you good, honey, I swear you workyourself as if the world's coming to an end!"

Great going! Betty thought to herself. Her invitation soundedludicrous even to her own ears. Here was a woman drenched in sweat inthe middle of a strenuous workout and the best she could come up withwas to ask her to take a break just because she had a few extraminutes to kill. Without anything more urgent to divert Caitland'sattention, Betty wasn't surprised when she didn't respond and she hadjust decided to leave when abruptly, Caitland paused and turnedaround to face her. Her feet were spread apart and hands placeddefiantly on her hips. The sweat from her workout caused her dampenedhair to spill into her eyes and off her shoulders in unruly ringlets,and at that moment she looked more like a warrior preparing forbattle than a patient recovering from a long and serious illness. Andwhen she spoke, there was a bitter intensity to her voice that Bettyhad never heard before.

"To tell you the truth, Betty, I feel like it's the end of theworld...at least my world. I'm frustrated at having to be here andeven more infuriated at how slow my rehabilitation is going. I feellike I'm a prisoner here, and don't tell me my feelings aren'trational! They don't have to be. What matters is that I've alreadylost eighteen months in this place! Why is it so hard for everyone tobelieve that I've had enough....that I just want to get out ofhere....put this all behind me and go on with my life? And it isn'tthat I'm not grateful for the care you've given me. I truly am. It'sjust that I want my life back."

"May I assume that you've been talking with Dr. Tallenger aboutwhen you'd be ready to leave?" Betty asked mildly in counterpoint toCaitland's obvious agitation.

"Talking with him was not exactly what we did. I asked. He said notime soon. End of conversation. So what's the deal deal with him? Hewon't even acknowledge that I'm better. In fact, he said that he'llneed at least six months to be observe me before he will evenconsider recommending me for release! "

Caitland's eyes were flashing with barely contained anger andfrustration, so much so that Betty actually took a step back from theintense young woman. Seeing the alarm in the nursing supervisorsuddenly brought Caitland to herself. She closed her eyes and slowlydrew in a deep breath. When she let it go, she also let go of heranger. Looking up at the astonished nursing supervisor, Caitlandmanaged a weak smile. She really did like this nurse whose interestin her had always been sincere, if unfortunately ill-timed. Anyway,it certainly wasn't her fault that the one person who could authorizeher release was stalling. Tempering her voice, she leaned on therailing and spoke more softly.

"Look, I'm truly sorry for that outburst. I know you're concernedabout me, but I'm not crazy and I'm not on the edge. I just want toknow when I can look forward to getting out of here. Betty, I justwant to be in control of my own life. Can you understand that?"

Betty looked back at Caitland and smiled. "Of course I understand.How can you think I wouldn't?"

Caitland let out a soft sigh, and straightened up. "Then you'reabout the only one here who does. Look. I would like to talk, butright really isn't good. I still have a lot to do before I plan totake a break. So why don't we get together at our usual time thisafternoon?"

"I'd like that," Betty responded truthfully. "And please forgivethe interruption."

"No problem," Caitland replied.

"Well, until this afternoon, take care."

Caitland merely nodded her head and with nothing more to say, sheturned back to the treadmill, flipped the switch on, and continued toexercise. Even in something as routine as that, she appeared to berunning rather than walking on the platform. Try as she might, Bettystill didn't understand what was pushing this woman at such a franticpace. Patients always wanted to leave Pinewillow, at least those whorecovered. Yet, few were as driven as Caitland, and none acceleratedtheir program as she did. For all that she might disagree withDaniel's assessment of her patient, she was forced to admit that he'dbeen right about one thing: Caitland had indeed proven herself to bea handful.

While Betty yet stood to the side silently observing, Caitlandfinished on the treadmill. Singularly intent on her workout, she hadcompletely dismissed the nursing supervisor from her thoughts and,without missing a beat, proceeded to the next piece of equipment.Betty was again forced to admit that the exercise room was not aplace where she could corner Caitland into a conversation.

Shaking her head on the way out, she stopped and turned back tolook at her patient once more. Caitland was now reclined on a bench,alternately lifting her legs which, in turn, raised correspondingweights. Perspiration shone on her body as she labored under thestrain, and Betty could hear her grunt with each exertion. Caitland'sface was a grim mask of concentration, and grit determination filledthe room like a tangible force. Betty could practically feel thecrackle of energy surrounding her, and for several minutes she stoodmesmerized by the sight. With an effort, she finally pulled herselfaway and quietly left the room.

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Now reaching her office, Betty entered and dropped her files on herdesk. Her mind was still on Caitland, and she sifted through herimpressions. With so many unusual circumstances surrounding thewoman, Betty had been prepared to maintain a comfortable level ofdetachment while overseeing her rehabilitation. It seemed both theprofessional and prudent thing to do. Quite unexpectedly, however,Betty had found herself genuinely liking her patient. Caitland wasdetermined to make the best of a dismal situation, and in thatrespect, they were on common ground. Betty Carlisle had also had hershare of collisions with life's hard knocks.

In ways that she was reluctant to admit, the apparent hopelessnessof Caitland's condition reminded her of the daughter she had lostmany years before. With the exception of Daniel, no one on the staffhad known Betty in her earlier years when she had been both a wifeand mother. For Betty, it was another life that had ended one tragicnight on a slick, rain-paved road when a drunk driver had crashedinto her husband and daughter. Frank's death had been mercifullyquick at the scene of the accident. But her daughter, Theresa, hadlingered on, battling seizures that left her body weakened until amassive stroke finally claimed her.

The pain of her loss had almost destroyed Betty, and in the end,it was her work at Pinewillow that brought her through the terriblegrief. She sold the family home, moved into a condo unit, and flungherself into her duties. Betty became known for both her efficiencyand compassion, and it seemed that the more hopeless a patient'scondition, the harder Betty worked. Within a year she had beenpromoted to shift supervisor, and two years later had risen toSupervisor of Nursing for Pinewillow. In her heart, Betty viewed eachof her patients as an extension of the family she had lost. It showedin her care of them, and now it was extended to one very driven youngwoman.

Knowing Caitland's strength of character as she did now, Betty wasabsolutely certain that Caitland must have experienced a horribletragedy to not only decimate her body, but to nearly destroy heremotional stability. Even now the thought of the amount of morphinein Caitland's system, combined with her weakened state fromchildbirth and the enormous loss of blood, made Betty shudder. It wasa miracle that she hadn't died that night, and yet, this same womanhad climbed from the brink of death and the battering of her innerself to recapture the person Betty had seen working out with suchenergy this morning.

Although Betty had lost her husband and only child, she had gainedsomething invaluable. She now understood the relentless drive of thehuman spirit to survive despite seemingly insurmountable odds.Sometimes one lost, as her Frank and Theresa had, but then there werethe miracles. Caitland was such a miracle. Betty had observedCaitland closely over the past month; and through her relentlessdrive and refusal to settle for anything less than a full recovery,Caitland had made an ally out of one, Betty Carlisle. Yet, for allthat Caitland was determined to recover and leave Pinewillow, Bettyknew that she needed more than just sheer desire. She needed thesupport of someone on the staff. Soon after Caitland had begun, inearnest, to achieve her therapy goals, Betty had accepted that role.And despite the unanswered questions; despite the mystery thatunderscored everything about Caitland's presence at Pinewillow; anddespite the certainty that Daniel would be furious if he knew, BettyCarlisle had become Caitland's silent partner in her recovery.

Thus, it wasn't luck that Caitland had received approval for theacceleration of her treatment plan, the additional time in physicaltherapy, and virtually unlimited access to the exercise facilities.Betty had authorized it all for her patient. Through Daniel orders,Caitland's case had been placed under Betty's direct administrativesupervision, and although it would have been standard procedure forher to confer with Daniel regarding any changes to Caitland'srecovery plan, Betty found herself convinced that the less said, thebetter. After weeks of observing Caitland's strides to reestablishcontrol over her weakened body, Betty knew that she had progressedfurther than anyone on the staff could have predicted. Yet, Daniel'sreaction to Caitland had grown more negative with each passing week.Daniel still viewed her as long-term care, and he was being extremelyconservative in his judgment, and had not yet certified her as acandidate for re-integration into the mainstream society.

This was another mystery surrounding Caitland that Betty had yetto solve. For the hundredth time, she found herself wondering what itwas about Caitland that brought out the worst in the good doctor. Itwas a well-known fact that Daniel's brusque personality left much tobe desired in his bedside manner. Yet, in the past Betty had neverdoubted his commitment to the center's patients. His attitude towardCaitland, however, was unprecedented. To Betty's knowledge, Danielhad still not notified Caitland's anonymous benefactor that she wasrecovering. Even more disturbing were his progress summaries onCaitland. They invariably focused exclusively on the reclusive,maladaptive behaviors displayed when she'd first awakened. Caitlandhad improved so much that she was virtually unrecognizable from thattime, and yet Daniel made no mention of her improvement anywhere inher charts. To read her file, one would think the woman was stillbeing led about the grounds by the staff.
In the face of so much inconsistency, Betty's absolute faith inDaniel had begun to waver. She hated being suspicious of him, and shewas thankful, for Caitland's sake, that Daniel's responsibilities aschief administrator prevented him from being directly involved withher. It was an uncomfortable position that she found herself in.Never before had she been forced to chose between loyalty to thedoctor and the best interests of a patient. On that score, Daniel andshe had always been of one accord. Now, however, Daniel's actions wascorroding the very core of Betty's personal and professional ethics.Try as she might, she couldn't put her suspicions aside, and untilshe could determine the connection between Caitland and the doctor'suncharacteristic antagonism, she would continue to wait andwatch.

Suddenly realizing that she had been sitting and staring out ofthe window for quite a while, Betty turned back to her desk. With asigh of resignation, she forced her mind away from Caitland and herproblems to the large stack of patient folders on her desk. She'djust have to trust that with time things would sort themselves out,for while Caitland was definitely her most challenging patient, shewas, by no means, her only one.

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Several floors below Betty Carlisle's office, Caitland completed hermorning workout. From the third floor window of the exercise room shecould see beyond the perimeter gates to the wooded area thatstretched out as a natural barrier between Pinewillow and theneighboring town of Bridgemoor. A faint sigh escaped her lips, andher expression turned wistful. She still didn't have an idea of howshe was going to get out of Pinewillow, but it wouldn't be long nowbefore she would be ready. Earlier this morning Dr. Tallenger hadmade it perfectly clear that he wouldn't even consider her petitionfor release for at least six months to a year from now. What was leftunsaid but had hung between them like an oppressive cloud was thevery real possibility that he might never certify her fit to bereleased into society. Picking up her towel, she stood and stretched.Every muscle in her body seemed to protest, but the discomfort onlyreminded her that she was getting better. With every passing day shecould feel more of her strength returning. Her body's quick responseto the therapy and exercise told her that she had kept herself ingood physical condition in her life before. That gave her somecomfort.

Thinking back on Betty Carlisle's visit, Caitland broke out in asmile. Although it was unintentional, Betty seemed to have an uncannyknack for approaching her when she was in no mood to talk: and mostdefinitely not about herself. It wasn't that she purposely pushedaway Betty's overtures of friendship, for she knew and appreciatedwhat a kind and compassionate person she was. Yes, Nurse Carlisle wasdefinitely in her corner. She had acknowledged and encouraged herprogress from the very beginning, but of course along with her helphad come the nursing supervisor's insistent curiosity about her past.And although Caitland trusted Betty, that trust did not extend toadmitting that she had regained her memory or anything that involvedher life with Vincent.

Glancing through the window again to the outer gates, she watchedthe security guards as they routinely checked each incoming car. Ifshe couldn't be released officially, then she would just have tobreak out. She frowned as she thought skeptically of how she couldescape Pinewillow. With the security measures in place, she couldn'tjust walk out. Pinewillow's reputation was largely founded on itsguarantee of security and privacy for its patients. Affluent patronswho desired to keep out of the public eye found Pinewillow an idealfacility in which to sequester hopelessly ill family members.Ironically, the same measures employed by Pinewillow to keepoutsiders from entering the grounds, which thereby had insured hersafety, were the same measures that she'd have to breach to getherself out. What she had learned about Pinewillow's security systemdidn't inspire much optimism. The entire complex was linked by closedcircuit television with around-the-clock guards at the gate's mainentrance. Those exits not monitored by the security staff or camerascould only be accessed with a computerized key card possessed solelyby supervisors. Then there was the general alarm system that wasactivated by nine o'clock each evening; and as if that weren'tenough, there were also regular room checks every twelve hours.

When Caitland looked outside the window again, she no longer sawthe beauty of the spacious and meticulously manicured landscape. Shefelt trapped, just as surely as if she were behind bars. Herconfidence faltered against the reality of her confinement, and justthen the idea of escaping Pinewillow's walls wasn't justdifficult--it was down right impossible. Her hope withered even moreas she mentally considered her options and then summarily dismissedthem all. The longer she stood and pondered her dilemma, the more shequestioned her ability to pull the escape off. She tried to resistthe doubts and fears, but her keen mind gave her no respite. With alawyer's practicality, it told her she had to be crazy to think thatshe could get past the security measures that were in place. But thealternative was to stay and risk Vincent's ultimate realization thatshe was alive. Looking out to where the security guards werestationed, she shuddered uncontrollably. She had no doubt he'd bekilled trying to come to her. The certainty of that hit her with aforce that left her cold, and she briskly rubbed her arms against thechill that was more within than without.

In desperation she closed her eyes, blocking out the light, andreached deep within for any sense of him. Although ithad been over a month since that fateful night when Vincent had cometo her in her dreams, she remembered it as if it were yesterday.Without warning, she felt a sudden warmth flood through her,spreading to all the empty places and filling them with so much loveand strength. Tears came to her eyes as she recognized the presencethat was surrounding her. She didn't know how it was possible, and itdidn't occur to her to wonder if what she felt of him ran both ways.All that mattered was the heady mixture of love and relief that sweptover her with such intensity that she placed a hand against the wallto steady herself. She understood then what Vincent had tried to tellher. She had the strength and the courage, for in her heart shecarried his love. With love, all things were truly possible, and everso slowly, the smile returned to her face.

She quickly showered and changed into the white cotton shirt anddraw-string pants that had been issued for her to wear around thegrounds. As she headed down the hall, she suddenly realized thatthere was only one person in all of Pinewillow who might help herescape: Betty. It would be a risk to ask for her help, but itwas a risk she had to take. Each day she grew stronger but, withouthelp, the odds stacked against her were simply insurmountable. In afew more hours, she would meet with Nurse Carlisle again, and thenshe would take the first step to her freedom. And with no moreassurance than the feeling that still lingered just beyond hersubconscious, she knew that somehow she would return to Vincent andher son again.

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Hundreds of miles away, Vincent sat across from Father with anexquisitely carved chess set separating the two men. In predictablefashion, Vincent was on a fast track to winning the game that he had,so far, completely dominated. While Father complained continuously oflife's injustice in which those he taught chess invariably excelledover his own skill, Vincent knew that Father was proud of his manyproteges. However, he also liked to win, and when the unexpectedoccurred, and Father managed to take a game from Vincent or one ofthe children, his elation was the topic of discussion for many daysafterward.

It was Vincent's turn to move, and Father released a low sigh.Although he was prepared to concede the game to his son, he didn'thave to enjoy it. Then just as Vincent was about to place his Queen,he stopped. His eyes widened in surprise, and the chess piece fellfrom his hand unnoticed. Father looked up sharply and knew at oncethat something had pulled at Vincent's inner sense.

"Vincent, are you alright? Is it Jacob?" Father asked, worryingthat something might have happened to his grandson which had beencommunicated to Vincent through the bond they shared. But Vincentdidn't reply. In fact, with the exception of lowering his hand, hewas perfectly still. Since he showed no signs of physical distress,Father resisted the urge to shake him from his apparent trance.Still, in the tense silence of the chamber, the minutes seemed tostretch into an eternity as he helplessly sat by and waited forVincent to re-emerge.

When finally Vincent blinked and slowly shook his head, Fathernearly upset the entire chess board in his rush to reach Vincent'sside. Placing a hand on his brow, Father noted that with theexception of an unhealthy pallor, Vincent exhibited no outward signsof illness. Yet, it was obvious that whatever he had experiencedinside the bond had thoroughly shaken him Still unsure of Jacob'ssafety, Father felt his own fear, and in a voice that was little morethan a whisper, he tried again to reach his son. "Vincent, can youtell me?...What is it?"

Looking for all the world as if he'd just arisen from a deepsleep, Vincent nodded his head tentatively, and raised his eyes toFather. "I'm alright, Father. Forgive me for upsetting you, it's justthat for a moment..."

Scarcely able to contain his rising anxiety, Father grippedVincent's shoulder and pushed him to continue. "Yes...for a moment,what?"

"For a moment I felt....her....here," and Vincent placed a largefurred hand over his heart.

"Her???" Father asked, only to stop as he suddenlyunderstood Vincent's shock and the stricken look in his son's eyes.Faced with the impossible, Father spoke aloud what Vincent could notsay.

"Catherine."