EMPTIED OF HER GRACE

Catherine entered the dining chamber to find her son there aheadof her, resting on one arm, eyes closed, still obviously sleepy. Shehad asked him to get up a bit earlier this morning, because she hadsomething she wanted to talk to him about. Most of the men, Vincentincluded, were on an emergency project, and the chamber was less thanhalf-filled.

"Hi, Sweetcheeks!" She planted a loud wet smack on Geoffrey'sexposed cheek.

He groaned dramatically and whined, "Mo-om!"

Despite his reaction, Catherine could see he was secretlydelighted that she called him by that nickname and expressed heraffection for him so blatantly.

Geoffrey realized that he hadn't fooled his Mom in the slightestwith his demonstrative "objection" to her loving greeting. Eventhough the older boys teased him good-naturedly about it, he neverasked her to cease making such a display of her affection, nor did herequest that she stop using such an unusual nickname. In truth, heloved it when she so lavishly expressed her feelings for him.Besides, in Geoffrey's eyes, his Mom could do no wrong.

Catherine set the plates of breakfast down in front of them andtook a seat beside him. Then she whispered out of the corner of hermouth, "Here, I scored an extra brownie from William last night, andI hoarded it until this morning just for you." She slipped thenapkin-wrapped square from her pocket and placed it in his hand whileinnocently looking around to see if anyone else noticed.

With a Mom as great as mine, thought Geoffrey, is it any wondereveryone adores her! "Thanks!" He made quick work of the treat,before Father could notice and reprimand them both, she for condoningand he for the eating of sweets before breakfast.

His Mom was always doing little things like that for him, alwaysmaking him feel special. He remembered the day a few months ago whenshe had come Below late from a long day at court, but still hadremembered that he'd asked for special art paper for a project he wasdoing. Usually he made do with scraps and gleanings, as did the otherchildren, but this project was to be a special one, marking his firstMother's Day as Catherine's son, and he desperately wanted it to bejust right. She never even questioned his need. Just knowing that itwas important to him was enough for her. He marveled at his luck. Shewas the best!

He picked up the last crumbs of the brownie from the napkin with amoistened finger, then carefully wiped all tell-tale traces ofbrownie from his lips and hands. Presenting his face for inspection,he watched as Catherine looked him over carefully, then nodded insatisfaction. Then they both turned to their breakfasts and began toeat.

As they were sponging up the last of the egg on Catherine's platewith their toast -- something else Father abhorred but his Momencouraged -- she elbowed Geoffrey to catch his eye. When he lookedup at her, she inclined her head. They rose as one and brought theirplates to the waiting trays, then strolled out of the chamber hand inhand.

Father, who had missed absolutely none of their activities fromthe moment Catherine had entered the room, smiled fondly andcontinued his meal, listening distractedly to Mary's report on theprogress of the renovations in the dormitories.

_ _ _

As they ambled down a side tunnel which took them away from theHub, Catherine began to speak of the mysterious "something" which wason her mind. "Geoffrey, I've...made an important decision about...mylife, one that will affect you in many ways."

She seemed a bit nervous, and Geoffrey swallowed convulsively,picking up her agitation. With a suddenly dry mouth, he responded,"Don't be afraid to tell me anything, Mom, just like you always sayto me."

Catherine smiled at his oh, so adult reply, but knew she'dprobably upset him a bit in her clumsy attempt to start thisconversation. Anxious to dispel his worries, she quickly added, "It'snothing bad, honey. I'm sorry if it sounded that way."

She felt him relax as he replied, " 'K."

They had been walking aimlessly through the tunnels, but nowCatherine steered him into a little alcove used as an informal andcozy gathering spot; at this time of the morning, it was deserted.They settled themselves among the overstuffed patchwork pillows onthe bench lining the rock wall.

Catherine took one of Geoffrey's hands in both of hers, and for atime she just stroked his hand, tracing his fingers against one palm.Then she lifted his hand, kissed it, and replaced it by his side. Helooked up at her then and nodded encouragingly.

"Before the adoption ceremony and the Joining, we all discussedwhat our home life would be like. It seemed very important to yourDad...and, to some extent, to me...that I continue my work Above.With everyone Below to take care of you during the day, and withVincent engaged in his work details, there really wasn't any need forme to remain Below. As I recall, you didn't offer an opinion, but younever once complained about that arrangement in the six months since,so I assume....?"

Geoffrey interrupted her. "I don't mind it, really. Your workhelps people, Dad said. And you're real good at it."

She nodded solemnly. "I appreciate you saying that, sweetheart.But...and neither you nor your Dad ever knew this, because I kept ita secret...I didn't really want to continue working Above. I wantedto come Below and live as a full member of this society, right fromthe start of our family."

The youngster's face registered surprise...and anger. "Then whydidn't you?"

"Excuse me?" Catherine was puzzled by his reaction.

Geoffrey persisted. "Why didn't you? I always wanted you to. I'dlove it if you stayed Below with us all the time!"

Surprised at his vehemence, she stuttered, "R-r-really?"

He nodded vigorously. "Didn't you know that?"

"Well...no. Whenever we discussed it...."

He shrugged. "I know, I never said. But Dad always told me thatyou should be free to live in both worlds, that we shouldn't ask toomuch of you, that we should be grateful for the time you give to us.And I am grateful, Mom! You're the best, really...the best!" Heheaved a heavy sigh, guilty about the selfishness he was about toconfess. "But...I miss you a lot. Some nights when you work late, oron weekends when you have to go Above for interviews or whatever, Iget lonely for you."

"You...get lonely for me?"

He nodded.

Catherine lowered her eyes, unable to meet his earnest look."Sometimes...sometimes I get so lonely for you and your Dad that Icry. I feel so torn. I know Vincent is very proud of the work I do,and it's important to him that I maintain my life Above...but...."Her voice trailed away. Could she admit to her son what she couldn'tseem to say to her own Bondmate? "I think I only continued doing itbecause...because he...insisted. He kept saying that nothing wouldhave to change...and I guess I just went along with it."

Geoffrey looked up at her hopefully. "But now...you've changedyour mind?"

She had tears in her eyes as she responded, "Yes." She gave him arueful grin. "I just...don't want that anymore. My whole life--everything...and everyone..." She reached for him and hugged himhard, then went on, "...that's important to me -- it's all here. Myheart is here, my thoughts are here...I want to be here."

"So...what's the problem?" The brow above his soft brown eyes wascrinkled in confusion.

"I guess...I expected some...argument from you and your Dad."

He grinned. "You won't get any from me!"

She laughed, delighted. "I can see that! Thank you, sweetheart. Ihope your Dad is as happy to hear this as you."

_ _ _

Bolstered by her son's enthusiasm about her decision, Catherinehad relaxed her guard when she spoke of it to Vincent. She realizednow that she shouldn't have. His response had been immediate...andextremely negative. What had started as a quiet discussion over teabefore bedtime had turned into a quarrel, and each of them was amazedand startled at how quickly it was turning into a full-blownargument. In all their time together, they had never been as upsetwith each other as they were now -- and neither could figure outexactly why.

Now, almost in tears, Catherine hurled her confusion at Vincent."But I don't understand! Don't you want me here?"

Her frustration and distress communicated themselves clearlythrough their Bond. Sharp flares of psychic pain assailed Vincent ashe attempted to explain, his own frustration growing incendiary."It's not a matter of my wanting you here, Catherine! You have spentthirty-two years of your life Above. You have so many who love you,depend on you there. And in the important work you are doing, yourepresent the aspirations and dreams of...of all of us here Below. Icannot stand silently by as you turn your back on all you haveachieved there, on all your ties. To do this...even for me, forGeoffrey...would be to deny a part of yourself. I could not live withmyself, knowing that." He rose from his chair and began to pace,trying to dispel the anxiety that was building within him.

"I'm not running away from anything, if that's what you fear --I'm running toward something. Toward the rest of my life. Toward amore complete commitment to everything that Below has come to mean tome. Toward the fulfillment of my dreams. Why can't you understandthat?" Her tears flowed freely now, and she was angry at herself fornot being able to stem them. They made her argument seem overlyemotional when what she wanted most was to appear calm and rational.But his obstinate resistance to her decision had robbed her of hercool demeanor, her sensible manner. She was deeply hurt and indignantnow, and her physical reaction was an embarrassment to her.Viciously, she swiped at her cheeks, slapping the offending evidenceof her tears away.

His anger clear through the stiff lines of his back, through hisrefusal to meet her eyes, he spat, "Does it matter if I understand ornot, Catherine? You made this decision without consulting me. Fromwhat you have told me, it would be difficult to change your mindnow."

Sullenly, she replied, "But not impossible, Vincent. I could pullback my letter of resignation. I'm sure Joe would leap at the chanceto tear it up. And I could talk to my lawyers again, remove them fromactively handling my financial affairs. Nothing's set in stone."

He stopped pacing then and stared at her, a small spark of hope inhis eyes. "Will you?"

She faced him down, defiant. "No."

In a soft whisper, he implored, "Not even if I ask?"

Throwing her hands up in frustration, she pleaded, "Oh, God,Vincent! Don't do this to me! I need to be Below on a more permanentbasis -- for myself, for you, for Geoffrey. Don't tell me I shouldcontinue with a life Above when it's not what I want anymore! Beinghere -- that's what I want! If this was a few years ago, I'dunderstand your reticence. But...we're Joined now. We're a family. Myson needs me here...wants me here. Why don't you?"

Unable to withstand the encounter any longer, he dismissed herquestion. "Do what you wish, Catherine." He left the room then, lefther standing in the middle of their common chamber, chilled to thesoul.

_ _ _

As he entered their bedchamber, Vincent's precarious controlsnapped. He began to shiver, the force of his emotional turmoilbreaking down even his physical resistance. He collapsed into hisgreat oaken chair, clutching his arms in a vain attempt to still hisshaking muscles. Torn by conflicting desires, his body shudderedwhile his mind swirled in a vortex of confusion.

How could he express to Catherine his true reasons for opposingher? Although he had longed with all his heart for the moment whenshe would truly become a part of his world, deep within he had alwaysfelt that such a move would be a terrible mistake. She was a creatureof light and air, a being nurtured and supported in theever-changing, ever-varied atmosphere of Above. She had thrived therelong before she became bound to him, long before she had entwined herlife inextricably with his. And she deserved all that her worldoffered. He had hoped that when she had Joined with him, the blendingof their worlds would be enough for her, that she could retain herconnection with her own life Above while becoming more involved ineveryday life Below. But he understood now that in his need for herto be with him, he had been blind to her next, obvious step --abandonment of her world.

He feared that she had sensed his unrevealed, desperate desire forher to be always within touch. Since she had moved with him to thesechambers, how he had rejoiced in the nearness of her, the feeling ofcompleteness whenever he thought of her lying close by his side. Buthad his secret yearning for her influenced her, until she thoughtthose desires her own? And now, out of a misguided sense of duty, wasshe going to turn her back on all that had made her, that hadsustained her, and become a creature of his own dark world? How muchhe had wished for this! And how appalling that selfishness was tohim. How could he allow her to make such a sacrifice? Lost in historment, he was unable to move, unable even to reach out for thecomforting touch of Catherine's soul through their Bond.

_ _ _

Catherine did not follow him into their private chamber, althoughVincent walking away from her, their discussion unresolved, was abitter pill to swallow. Her heart was beating wildly and she couldbarely breathe -- she felt as if she had been punched in the stomach.She didn't think she'd ever let someone walk out on her in the middleof an argument before. As Jenny would say, it "pushed all herbuttons," and not in a good way. She opened her mouth to call himback, intent on demanding that he return and finish their discussion.But, just as the first word was about to leave her lips, she abruptlyclosed her mouth and stilled her protest. Perhaps it would be betterto let the tension between them dissipate somewhat before trying tospeak to him again -- although what she would say to him, she hadn'ta clue.

Her thoughts reeled in her mind, disconnected, confused,disoriented. What had happened to the man who had once told her thathis dream was that one day she would come to live Below? Was hetrying to tell her that his dream was fulfilled by her spending thespare bits and pieces of her time with him? Did he, perhaps, regretthat they had Joined? She couldn't imagine either being true --they'd been almost deliriously happy together since she'd movedBelow, despite the time they still had to spend apart. She knew thathe wanted her here with him, that he treasured her company. So whywould more of a good thing be so terrible for him to contemplate?

Shaking her head, she allowed herself to weep now, letting thebitter tears flow as they would. Curled up on the loveseat, sheburied her face in her hands and cried. For long minutes she satthere, feeling disowned, unwanted. She was startled when she felt asmall hand on her shoulder. Looking up sharply, she saw with chagrinthe concerned, frightened face of her son.

"Mom! What's the matter?" He climbed up onto the loveseat andknelt beside her, patting her back awkwardly, trying to offercomfort.

She sniffed and attempted to wipe her eyes free of the damningtears. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be seeing me thisway."

"Wh-what happened?" Seeing his beloved Mom in such a state madehis stomach feel queasy. Unsettled now, tears began to prick his owneyes.

Reaching out to him, Catherine gathered him into her embrace androcked him gently, smoothing his crisp brown curls and stroking hisface. "I'll be OK, sweetheart. I'm just...feeling a little sorry formyself right now. Sometimes adults have to act like children...to getit out of their systems. Understand?"

He didn't. His Mom wasn't acting childish -- she was hurting, bad.He could tell. What was she trying to protect him from? "Did you andDad...have a fight?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "Not really a fight, Geoffrey. Morelike a...a difference of opinion. We both feel strongly aboutsomething...and right now we can't see any way past our differences.But we will. We'll work it out. I promise you." She smiled hopefullyat him, wanting him to be comforted.

But he persisted. He was part of this family, and he wanted toknow what had made his Mom cry. He hated it when she cried, and he'ddo anything to make things better for her. Turning in her arms, hefaced her and demanded, "What was your fight about? Please, tellme?"

With a resigned sigh, Catherine realized she wasn't going to beable to put him off. He was a caring and perceptive child, and sheknew he wouldn't sleep well if she tried to send him away with noreal explanation. Taking his face in her hands, she smiled bravelyand kissed his forehead, then his cheeks, and finally his sweet,freckled nose. "Sometimes I think I make you grow up too fast." Sheinhaled deeply, then said, "OK. I told your Dad of my decision toquit my job and stay Below. He...doesn't want me to."

The young boy's eyes grew round with disbelief. "Is he nuts?"

"Geoffrey," Catherine chided in an admonishing tone.

But he wouldn't be silenced. "How can he want you to be away fromus so much? I don't understand!"

She smiled gently as she informed him, "You know, most women wouldfeel blessed to have a husband who is so proud of his wife's career,who is so supportive and encouraging. Maybe I'm not being fair tohim, Geoffrey. I may not be right, you know."

He hugged her and mumbled miserably against her shoulder, "Well, Ilove you...and I want you here with us...always!"

Her soft breath stirred his curls as she said, "Oh, honey, I knowyou do. I wish I could tell you it's that easy. But it's not. We haveto consider your Dad's feelings, too. I wouldn't upset him for theworld...and this decision of mine has upset him. How can I ignore hisconcerns?"

Arguing still, he responded, "Well, how can he ignore us?"

Catherine smiled sadly. "He's not. Geoffrey, please try tounderstand -- your Dad's feelings are just as valid as ours. And heand I need to discuss this some more, to discover what the realstumbling blocks are. But I promise you, even if this is not thetime, one day it will be. One day I'll come Below for good. We justneed to cherish that hope, keep it in our hearts, OK?"

Holding her son close, she shushed his further objections. Hewrapped his arms around her tightly and squeezed. She responded,gathering him more firmly against her, as thankful for hisaffectionate embrace as he was for the comfort of her arms.

_ _ _

Vincent's painful introspection was interrupted as he heard thesound of voices in the outer chamber. He listened as his beloveddefended his actions to their son. Despite her own confusion anddespair -- which throbbed through their Bond with such force italmost drove him to his knees -- she refused to engage young Geoffreyas an ally. Even knowing how powerful the combined emotional pull ofBondmate and son would be, she would not draw the boy into theirdisagreement. He marveled at her sense of fair play -- in starkcontrast to his so rudely dismissive remarks to her earlier. He wasashamed of his curtness, his coldness, when he knew she only wantedto reason with him.

"Reason" -- what a word for the argument they'd been having. Heknew that, in Catherine's mind, his "reasons" were unfathomable. Shewas, after all, only trying to follow her heart. He sighed heavily.He could never make her understand his feelings about this hasty andpermanent abandonment of her former life. His objections would alwaysseem "unreasonable" to her.

And Geoffrey -- he saw this situation through the child's eyes. Tothe young boy, it must seem that his own Dad was trying to keep hisMother out of his life. What possible explanation would an elevenyear old accept? No. Despite his serious misgivings, he could nolonger voice his opposition. No matter how justified his fears, thiswas something that had to be. He prayed fervently that Catherinewould not come to regret this monumental alteration in her life.

Deep within him, a kernel of apprehension took root in hissubconscious and found fertile ground upon which to grow.

_ _ _

Neither of them heard Vincent enter the chamber, but suddenly heloomed before them. They both looked up, startled at his silentapproach.

He gazed down on them for a long time, at the woman of his deepestdesires and the boy who had become a son to him. They were bothmiserable, both desperate to be together. Who was he to try toprevent them from achieving their fondest dream? His furtherresistance would only drive a wedge between those he loved andhimself. He could no longer stand in their way. Their happiness --Catherine's and Geoffrey's -- was more important than anything else.

The tension in the chamber surged and vibrated as Catherine andGeoffrey waited to hear what Vincent would say. Neither of themattempted to make any argument, they just waited uneasily as thesilence grew longer. Then, within their Bond, Catherine felt thefirst stirrings of...regret? Remorse? Resignation?

Vincent expelled a long breath and knelt before them. Without aword, he leaned toward them and caught them up in his powerfulembrace. His voice a husky whisper, he declared, "I love youboth...so much...."

Geoffrey braved his Dad's wrath, asking breathlessly, "Can Momstay Below?"

Vincent looked gravely into his son's eyes. "It was never a matterof your Mother staying or going, Geoffrey -- but...yes, I shall abideby her decision. If she wishes to leave her job, her life Above, sheshall."

Shocked by his sudden capitulation, Catherine was apprehensive.What she was catching through their Bond felt more like surrenderthan acceptance. She pulled away from his embrace and gave him afrankly disbelieving look.

Vincent smiled and nodded. "I accept your decision, Catherine. Ifit is what you wish, what Geoffrey wishes...then I support it."

Unused to the subtle interplay of adult emotions and how languagecould veil meaning, Geoffrey took his Dad strictly at his word. Hestarted jumping up and down on the outraged springs of the littlesofa, shouting, "Yessss! Whooo-HOOOO!!!"

Both Catherine and Vincent laughed aloud at his obvious pleasure.When they turned to look at each other again, they foundunderstanding, forgiveness...and love in each other's eyes. And thatwas enough. That was everything.