WFOL 2022
BBTV Round Robin
FLY AWAY HOME
By
Ruby
The story is set after the events described in The Concrete Nest, previously published on WFOL 2022
The amber glow from the stained glass window touched the side of the entrance. Her chamber was in a suite of rooms behind the space that had been her father’s living quarters. Robin ran her hands over the copy of East of Eden she’d found in Grandfather’s library.
She had never really liked Grandfather. She felt a shiver of guilt that she felt lighter since a stroke had claimed him last year. Eric was their doctor now.
She frowned. Her father would have told her to forgive him his ways. But she knew before she’d found the book that he’d never really thought she was her father’s child. Which meant he thought her mother was a liar. That copper-toothed anger began to uncoil with a rattling hiss and she closed her eyes tight. Her mouth quivered with a smile. If he had known her temper, he’d have had no doubt whose daughter she was.
She sighed and put the book down on the patched bedspread. She was feeling the In-Betweens again. That feeling of being pulled in two directions she was feeling more and more often. Even her clothes spoke to it. Black jeans from a trip to Bloomingdale’s with Aunt Jenny but a sweater that had started life as an afghan with sleeves from Uncle Joe’s ruined Giants sweatshirt.
It had started before she’d found the book this morning in the library. But the note in the book insured the In-Betweens would be staying at least until dinner. She caught her reflection in the mirror hung on the side of a cherrywood wardrobe missing its doors that had been converted into a bookcase. Strawberry blonde hair that recalled her father’s. But her bright gray eyes were her own. And that hurt her more than she wanted it to. Because Tower Man had bright cold eyes like that too. She’d seen pictures.
She remembered Luke showing her a magazine. The photo was in an article on infamous crime bosses. She remembered Luke in his topside clothes and his smile like broken glass saying “It’s really nice your dad didn’t mind raising Gabriel’s kid.” She remembered a roaring in her ears as she lunged at Luke liquid smooth and breaking his nose pow pow clean in one punch. She remembered her father hauling her off Luke like picking up a rag doll and carrying her away as she screamed at Luke and he was bawling and Olivia was screaming at her mother and then she’d had to stay at Dr. Peter’s house for a month until things had calmed down enough for her to come back. She was twelve years old then.
She was fifteen now. Luke had come back less and less frequently as his father’s family spoiled him into a beautiful young man with a heart like granite. And Olivia and Cullen had become formally civil to her family, but she’d never been as close with their daughter River since, and that hurt. She’d prided herself on not causing trouble and she felt like she’d undone everything in an instant. She had kept herself closely guarded since.
A rag doll Mary had made for her eighth birthday smiled her embroidered smile back at her from her desk, a beautiful walnut secretary’s desk that had belonged to Grandfather Charles. Her heart felt full of little drawers like that piece, full of beautiful things in some, and ugly things in others. And some that were a little of both. She loved her room, she loved Below, and it felt the betrayal of everything to want to leave.
Especially if the note in the book meant what she thought it did.
She walked from her chamber with the book. She knew her parents were at Peter’s house. He’d left it to her mother when he retired and they used it now as a station between their two worlds. She felt that guilt again at how much her birth had cost her mother. Just as she could hear her mother’s voice firmly say that she was worth everything to them.
But she knew of the life her mother had led before she was born. The apartment that belonged to Edie now. How on her fifth birthday, her mother introduced her to a very surprised Jenny and Joe. And how even though “Robin Chandler” had a birth certificate and carefully doctored medical records, she’d never lived Above for more than a few weeks when they went to the Connecticut house in summer. And Robin had been just fine with that, until now.
She passed Rolley and Chance’s chamber and ducked in. Their twins were happily chasing each other around the rug. Estella’s braids streamed behind her as Micah whooped and waved a cardboard sword. The children were reading Ivanhoe now, and Geoffrey was a good teacher who made books come alive. Very alive, Robin could see.
Chance was sitting at the table in the space, repairing a familiar book with needle and thread. Chance smiled at her.
“Hey girl, it’s been too long, why you’ve been avoiding me?”
Robin laughed. “Because I don’t want to get roped into babysitting.”
She sat down opposite Chance and watched her work. “I loved that book, I remember asking you to read it to me over and over. It’s funny, I still haven’t seen the movie.”
Chance ran her thumb tenderly over the novelization cover. “Me either. You got all these fancy classic books here, but I can’t bring myself to throw this old thing away.”
“Don’t you dare, I’d howl and dive headfirst into a dumpster to fish it out.”
Chance laughed. “I bet you would. What’s up? You’re troubled about something, it’s less heavy when you talk about it.”
Robin sighed. “That obvious, huh?” She looked carefully at the book she was carrying. “I found something I’m not sure I was supposed to know about, but kinda did need to know about. I hate it when people are vague like that too, but I don’t think I can tell you more just yet, I gotta talk to my folks first.”
Chance nodded. “I’m sure whatever it is, they’ll understand.”
“I hope so.” Robin looked around their chamber. “Do you ever want to leave? Like, live Above again.”
Chance understood the question Robin was really asking. “Sometimes, and I leave a lot, really. I’m the best damn forager you’ve got here and I’m always taking a crew Above some place or another. But I got roots here now, not just Rolley and the twins, but people of all kinds. Below finds you as much as you find it, turns out.”
“Yeah.” Robin’s heart felt heavy. “I love Below too, and I thought I was okay with being a Tunnel kid but…” She had to say it. “...I’ve been thinking about maybe going to college Up Top, out of state, away from New York. Just to see if I could, you know? Am I such a Tunnel baby I would immediately run home? Or could I make it?” And the next part felt like a betrayal but she had to say it too. “Maybe just be me, and not always Catherine and Vincent’s miracle child.” She flushed at how awful that sounded out loud.
Chance looked at her with the warmest eyes. “I bet it’s not easy being Vincent’s baby, and too many folks here still see you as that baby we all brought down. It’s not fair to be seen as a symbol and not as a person. I can’t help you with that, honey, but I can tell you you got a right to live your own life. And you can’t let what other people need you to symbolize or whatever get in the way of what you need to do to feel free.”
Robin felt better, as she always did after talking to Chance. “You’re right, and I gotta go find my folks. See ya at dinner.” And she walked over to Chance to give her a kiss on the side of her face.
“Fresh!” Chance chuckled. “Now, get out of here.”
“Yes ma’am.” And Robin walked past Estella and Micah, still engrossed in their play.
Her parents were in the living room of Peter’s house. They were sitting on either end of the sofa, engrossed in their books. And yet their Bond flickered between them like a living thing. Robin could sense it strongest when she was this close. She could see it almost, a lovely blue tinged with blushing pink. Pink like the roses her mother gave her every birthday. Her parents looked up and smiled at her. Her father spoke first.
“Hello, Robin, is something needed Below?”
“No, no, I just came to talk.” She placed the book in her hands on the coffee table and opened it to where the note was. Her father’s expression got cloudy. “I was going through a Steinbeck kick and I wanted to see if the library had Sweet Thursday. I found this instead, with this inside.” She held up the note. Her mother had put her book down and was now looking at her carefully.
The note was in Peter’s careful handwriting, asking Grandfather to come to a meeting at his office to discuss with her parents “possibilities for a safe second pregnancy.” The note was dated seven years ago.
“It’s true, isn’t it? I made it so you couldn’t have any more kids.”
Her mother was on her feet. Already Robin was taller than her. She smiled gently and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I love you, but I don’t ever want to hear you say something like that again.” Her father stood beside her mother, his hands on her shoulders.
Her mother continued. “I had a difficult pregnancy and delivery,” her mother’s mouth quirked a little at the understatement, “and, as often happens in such cases, there were complications.” She looked at Robin firmly. “So you turned out to be our only child. And you are worth a dozen children, a hundred children.”
Robin felt embarrassed at the tears trickling down her face. “But I cost you so much, and…and…I’ve been thinking about leaving.” They had to know the worst of it. “I think I do want to go college, and I want to go out of state. And that’s so selfish to want to get away like that, I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”
Her father’s voice was gentle. “It is not selfish, even if you had a handful of brothers and sisters, we would hope you would walk the path you need to, wherever it takes you. You don’t owe us you clipping your own wings to stay close.”
“But it’s dangerous out there. And what if something happens to me?”
Her father shrugged. “When I hear you talk like this, I hear my own fears, and I know how dearly they cost me. I nearly lost both of you because of them. You cannot live your life expecting the worst to happen and thinking you can outwit fate by staying safely hidden. Go and fly, little bird, and our love will carry its own protection for you wherever you go.”
The three of them folded into a warm embrace. “Thank you,” Robin said, “I love both of you so much and I just want to make you proud.”
Her mother spoke. “You do that every day, just by being you.”
Robin smiled. That was such a mom thing to say. But she felt lighter. She felt like she could fly. And in her parents arms she was strengthened by the knowledge that she always had a place to fly back to.
They broke from their embrace and smiled at each other. And without another word, they walked Below to supper. And the In-Betweens melted away after the first bite of William’s vegetable lasagna. Vegetable lasagna had always been her favorite. And the contented silence of the room as they ate filled her ears like a warm hum. And the city continued its eternal song far above their heads. And Robin smiled. One day she would join that one too.
BBTV Classic Round Robin Story Index