After "No Way Down" Suggestions

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:53 am

After "No Way Down" Suggestions

Post by Zara »

222333 wrote:*
She side glanced him, while drinking with slow gulps. Mopped her mouth, recapped the bottle, put it down. In her eyes, when she looked at him, a vigilant trust. “I listen,” she said.
More usual phrasing might read:

She glanced sideways at him...
She gave him a sideways glance...
She glanced aside at him...

You could try:

She side-glanced him...

Which would introduce a narrative neologism that conveys the image through unconventional English. And which works, in its way. But I know you usually like to be intentional about your word choices.


"I listen..."

This is also unconventional in conversation. "I am listening," or, "I'm listening," is the more expected response. "I listen" will give Catherine's statement an emphasis derived from interrupting reader expectations.

~ Z
Post Reply

Return to “TALKS”