BACKWARD GLANCES

Jo Fredericks

March 4

"Cathy? Finally!"

The sound of a disgruntled female voice broke Catherine’s concentration. In the normal cacophony that was the D.A.’s Office, she’d long ago learned how to tune everything out in order to get her work done. But the piercing utterance had spiked through the fog of legalese she was reading immediately. She looked up - into the expressive face of Lisa Campbell.

Flabbergasted, Catherine half-rose, only to be waved back down by the dark-haired woman before her. Same imperious attitude, Catherine thought wryly. With a composure she did not feel, Catherine responded, "I’m surprised to see you, Lisa. What can I do for you?"

Snapping brown eyes met hers and Lisa said, in a voice barely shy of demand, "I’d like you to take me Below."

"Now?" Frankly astonished at the request, Catherine only just caught her mouth from falling open to gape at the woman.

"If it’s not too much trouble," was the arch reply.

Catherine cocked her head, considering. "Well...I suppose I could take the time now. Let me just talk to my boss." She rose and made her way around rushing co-workers and desks stacked with paperwork until she got to Joe Maxwell’s glass-paned door. Knocking, she received an immediate invitation to enter.

"Joe...something’s come up."

His eyes rose to meet hers at the all-too-familiar comment. With a sardonic grin, he shot back, "What now, Radcliffe? Another life-or-death emergency?"

She grinned back at him, realizing she deserved the ribbing. It had been the excuse of choice perhaps one too many times over the past two years. "Not exactly. But a...friend’s come into town and needs my help. It’s 3:30 - do you suppose I could knock off early today? After all, I’ve already put in 40 hours this week - and it’s only Wednesday!"

Joe snorted, accepting what she’d said as only a slight exaggeration. She did put in the hours, he had to admit. Whatever time she’d asked for, she’d more than earned. "Well, when you put it that way, kiddo...what choice do I have? Get outta here!"

Catherine smiled her gratitude. "Thanks, Joe! You’re the best!" She turned briskly and, as she walked out the door, she heard his retort.

"Just remember that next time you wanna skin me alive for giving you a couple extra cases on a Friday night!"

"OK, we can go," she reported to Lisa as she closed the folder on her desk and reached into a desk drawer to withdraw her briefcase and purse.

Lisa was silent as they walked out of the office, said nothing as they entered and rode the elevator, and only expressed surprise when the elevator doors opened onto the parking garage. "Where are you taking me?"

Catherine eyed her curiously. "You said you wanted to go Below?"

"Yes. I thought there was someplace close by with access."

"It’s the middle of the day," Catherine reminded her. "Anywhere close would be too dangerous right now for us to attempt an entry. Too many people are around. I’ll take you to my apartment building. The access to the tunnels there is fairly isolated even at this time of day." She could tell that Lisa was peeved, but she wasn’t going to jeopardize the safety and security of those Below merely because the woman was impatient. She waited for Lisa to nod, then led her to the car.

They drove in silence to Catherine’s apartment building, the trip slightly faster than it would have been during rush hour. Before long they were entering the elevator for the trip up to the apartment. Again, Lisa broke the silence to question her. "Why are we going up?"

I need to change into comfortable shoes." She looked down at the flimsy footwear Lisa was wearing. "I can loan you some sneakers if you’d like."

A delicate shudder coursed across Lisa’s shoulders. "No, thank you. I’ll be fine." She smirked a bit as she added, "I’m used to walking in the tunnels."

One eyebrow rose in disbelief before Catherine mastered her expression. "Well, I know these shoes won’t last a mile Below. It’ll just take me a minute to change."

In not much more than that minute, Catherine had herded her charge into her apartment, dropped off her briefcase and purse, slipped off her heels and suit skirt, exchanged them for sneakers and khakis, and pulled Lisa back out, shutting the door behind them. "There, only a few minutes out of our way," she couldn’t help but mumble.

Vincent felt Catherine’s approach, knowing she was returning home well before the usual time. He could also feel her consternation, mingled with an odd uneasiness and a tinge of annoyance. The feelings pouring from her intrigued him...and unsettled him. Once he realized her intention to come Below, he left his sentry post, tapping a terse message for someone to relieve him, and made his way quickly to her threshold. As the cupboard doors leading Above were thrown open, he gazed expectantly up into the bright light. But the figure which approached him from the ladder was not the one he expected. Startled, he recognized Lisa mere moments before she turned and smiled delightedly at him.

"Why, Vincent! How wonderful of you to come to greet me!" she cooed, almost as if she believed he had done just that.

Catherine completed her own descent and turned just as Lisa threw herself into Vincent’s unresisting arms. She saw the shock and confusion on her Beloved’s face as Lisa hugged him fiercely.

Before he could ask, Catherine answered his unspoken question, apology in her voice. "Lisa came to see me about an hour ago, asking if I could lead her Below right away. I didn’t have time to send a message."

He nodded his understanding. "It’s...good to see you again, Lisa," he said neutrally, as he gently disengaged her arms from around his neck.

But Lisa wasn’t finished with her performance yet. Smiling coyly up at him, she replied, "Aren’t you just the sweetest thing on two legs."

Catherine saw him stiffen slightly; she herself was appalled at Lisa’s choice of words. But Lisa apparently didn’t realize she might have hurt Vincent’s feelings. Instead, she seemed to regard him as her personal property, wrapping both of her arms around one of his. She began to tug him toward the entrance to the tunnels. He, however, stood his ground, and she could not budge him. "Catherine." He reached his free arm out to her, inviting her to join them.

Before Catherine could respond, however, Lisa blithely interrupted. "Thanks for bringing me down, Catherine. Vincent can guide me from here. ‘Bye!"

Catherine’s eyes flicked to Vincent’s, then back to Lisa’s blandly smiling face. She had almost formed the word "goodbye" in response when Vincent said, "Come, Catherine. It’s nearly dinner time. Perhaps you would like to join us for our evening meal?"

It was stated as an invitation, but Catherine could hear the naked pleading in his voice. He did not want to be left alone with his surprise guest. And Catherine had to admit she was curious as hell about the sudden reappearance of this woman in his life. So she smiled and said "thank you" and reached out to take the offered hand.

To her utter astonishment...and, she suspected, to Lisa’s dismay...Vincent took the hand he now held and brushed it with his lips, then turned and led both women down into the tunnels.

As they walked the tunnelways, Lisa chattered - inconsequential nonsense meant to distract from her real purpose, whatever that was. Vincent listened in grim silence, gamely allowing her to hang on his arm and gaze up at him adoringly as if they were alone together. But his other hand never left Catherine’s, and he clasped it with a kind of desperate intensity which hinted at his discomfort with Lisa’s presence and her insistent intimacy. When they began to near the Inner Hub, Vincent pulled her to a stop. Casting aside all pretense of courtesy, he quietly demanded, "Lisa, why are you here?"

She batted her eyelashes at him, then shot a disconcerted look at Catherine. "W-e-l-l," she began coyly. "I’ll tell you, but it’s really rather private." She stared defiantly at Catherine, who took the not-so-subtle hint.

"Perhaps I should go on ahead and prepare Father...and the others...for Lisa’s arrival," Catherine proposed to Vincent, knowing how the Tunnel patriarch would probably react to news of Lisa’s return.

"Oh, would you?" Lisa urged, happy enough to be rid of her.

Vincent acquiesced, and Catherine reluctantly let go of his hand, turned, and faded into the gloom of the tunnels ahead.

"Thank you for getting rid of her," Lisa whispered loudly.

Vincent turned to her and firmly disengaged his arm from hers. "I didn’t...."

Not interested in being contradicted, Lisa plunged ahead with her news. "I want to come Below for a while, Vincent, to live. I’m going to have a baby."

Stunned, he could only stare, questions queuing up to be asked, so many they stumbled over each other in his brain until he had trouble getting one out. Finally, he managed to murmur, "For how long?"

"Oh, I don’t know," Lisa answered breezily. "Maybe six months or so. Then I’ll be out of your hair again, don’t worry," she finished brightly, as if that news would take care of everything.

"And...the child?" Vincent had an inkling of what was coming.

"Well, I thought.... Oh, Vincent, you know I would be a terrible mother. I just don’t have the...," she searched for the word, flailing her hands prettily about her, "...the instinct for it."

"Then why are you having this child?" he asked, truly confused.

She had the grace to blush at the question. "It wasn’t exactly...planned," she admitted. "But...there’s nothing I can do about it now. So...I thought...you could take it in. You know, as one of the many orphans you adopt Below."

"But this child will not be an orphan, Lisa. He or she will have a mother...a mother who should raise her own child, no matter how it came into the world."

She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the tunnel. "I don't want to talk about it right now," she insisted, dismissing further questions.

As he began to follow, she dropped his hand and speeded up, and soon she was racing down the tunnels, with Vincent strolling in her wake. She rounded a corner and he heard a muffled oath. As he caught up with her, he saw that she was leaning against the raw stone of the tunnel wall, rubbing a slender ankle.

"What happened?"

"My shoe."

He saw a broken heel on the ground near her, and further down the tunnel, the rest of her shoe - lying where it had landed after she'd apparently thrown it in anger.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I turned my ankle." Lisa lifted her arms to him. "Carry me?"

Vincent hesitated for a moment, then, resigned, he bent and lifted her into his arms. Lisa rested her cheek lightly upon his shoulder, and it was in this posture that the other Tunnel residents saw her as they entered the Inner Hub.

Catherine had found Father where she had expected to - poring over some maps at the cluttered table in his equally cluttered study. Not for the first time, she wondered how the man, who had such an orderly mind, could exist in such a profound state of confusion. She imagined he must know exactly where everything was - in which pile, upon which shelf - and if he ever tried to clean it up, he'd be unable to make sense of any of it.

He looked up as she entered. Surprise registered on his face. She thought to herself that he had more and bigger surprises in store for him today. And she was the bearer of what she knew would not be welcome news. She hoped he wouldn't shoot the messenger.

"Catherine?" He didn't try to disguise his concern about her unexpected arrival.

"Father." She nodded a greeting to him. Coming down the few steps, she met him as he stepped toward her. "Vincent is just behind me. I've brought...a guest."

One eyebrow rose in silent query.

Catherine sighed. She couldn't avoid saying it any longer. "It's...Lisa."

"Lisa?!" Father was incredulous. "Lisa Campbell?"

Catherine grinned wryly. "The one and only."

"Good Lord," the flustered man muttered. "Why is she here? I thought she was in some kind of protective custody?"

"So did I." Catherine shrugged. "I'm sorry, Father. I just don't have any answers for you. She showed up unannounced at my desk this afternoon, practically demanding I take her Below immediately. I had no time to even send a message. Vincent met us at my threshold. Lisa tried to dismiss me." A grim smile played briefly across her face as she remembered. "But Vincent asked me to dinner." She glanced guiltily at the older man. "I hope you don't mind?"

"Heavens, no. You're welcome here anytime, Catherine. Surely you know that." He patted her shoulder distractedly, already thinking ahead to the possible reason for Lisa's presence.

She knew she was welcome - anytime? Actually, she didn't. It was nice to know.

"Well," Father said brusquely, pulling himself together. "We had better prepare." He pulled two thin metal rods out of his capacious pockets and headed toward the nearest pipes. Picking out a quick staccato code, he sent a terse message out. He then turned toward her and said, "That should let everyone know she's here. Mary will know what to do. Something tells me Lisa isn't coming for a quick visit."

"No, as a matter of fact, I'm not." The lilting response caused Father and Catherine to turn toward the entryway, where Vincent stood with Lisa in his arms. "Hello, Father!" Waving gaily, Lisa flashed him her most disarming smile.

You're wasting your time on Father, Catherine thought. He's never been taken in by you. Then, noting Lisa’s missing shoe, Catherine quickly surmised what had taken place, and mentally kicked herself for having left Vincent to Lisa’s devices.

Vincent deposited his burden - not without a deep sigh of relief - on a nearby chair. Then he stepped back, moving to stand beside Catherine. Lisa pouted as he did so, but cheered up immediately when Samantha and several other Tunnel children bounded into the chamber.

"Lisa! You came back!" Samantha squealed.

"Didn't I promise I would?" Lisa responded primly, the prima ballerina once again. As she chatted with the children, Father edged over to where Vincent and Catherine were watching her performance.

"Has she revealed the reason for this visit to you?" he asked Vincent. "Catherine said she was quite insistent about coming Below."

"Yes."

Vincent seemed disinclined to continue. Father peered at him over his reading glasses. "Well?"

The younger man sighed deeply. "She says she wants to stay with us for a few months."

"A few months?" Father's voice rose from a murmur to an outraged roar.

In the background, they could hear Lisa's voice falter, but then she continued to speak as if she hadn't heard him. It was obvious she had expected Vincent to break the news to one and all.

"Why is it necessary for her to stay Below, now, of all times?" Father asked in an excited whisper.

"She is...pregnant."

Father was too stunned to bellow at this revelation.

Catherine's heart skipped a beat. What could have happened to her in protective custody that she felt it necessary to escape to the Tunnels? And how could a woman of such obvious worldliness have allowed herself to become pregnant? None of it made sense to her, but she kept her own counsel. Father was too distraught to discuss this rationally at the moment. What she was hoping was that she could slip away for a few minutes with Vincent and share her thoughts with him.

Mary came in, a welcoming smile on her face. Mary always loved it when one of her children came back for a visit. It made no difference if they were welcome by the others or not - Mary loved them all. She joined the children, questioning Lisa about her exotic and fascinating life Above.

William entered the chamber, took in the crowd that had gathered, then engaged Father in a murmured discussion. Vincent used Father's momentary distraction to tug at Catherine's sleeve, indicating he would like her to leave with him. Together they slipped out of the rapidly filling chamber.

"She didn't say anything else? She gave you no explanations?" Alone in his chamber, Vincent had quickly filled Catherine in on the conversation he'd had with Lisa after Catherine had left to alert Father.

He shook his head. "She said she didn't want to discuss it further. One cannot force Lisa into any discussion she's not prepared to have," he reminded Catherine gently.

His comment brought a rueful smile to Catherine's face. "No. You're right. She has the most marvelous capacity for self-deception and deflection of anyone I've ever met. Except perhaps for Elliot."

Vincent considered this, then nodded.

"Do you think she's really pregnant?"

Catherine's question startled Vincent. "I...I assume so. She...seemed concerned about her inability to raise a child. If she were lying, would she have even mentioned such a thing?"

"No, I see what you mean. She can lie, but her lies are usually transparent."

"Yes." Vincent considered the situation from another angle. "Father will insist on examining her. She would know that. She would know she couldn't deceive him. No, if she says she’s pregnant, I believe her."

"All right. She's pregnant. The other big question is: why did she leave protective custody? And why return to New York, where people know her? Why take the chance of contacting me in broad daylight?"

"She must be desperate," Vincent concluded, then shook his head sadly. "Her attitude.... I thought she had come to respect you, after all you did for her before. But the way she's treated you today - dismissively, jealously - it's as if she resents you."

"Or she's decided you mean more to her than she imagined...before," Catherine murmured, musing. "She's had nothing but time, Vincent - to think, to remember. Before, she remembered only the boy she once knew. But since then, she's seen you as the man you are now. Believe me," she smiled at him, a bit of teasing in her voice, "I can understand the attraction."

In response to the compliment, he bent his head, letting his hair fall forward, hiding his expression from her eyes. It saddened her that he still felt so insecure about his attractiveness, especially to her. She'd tried in so many ways to make him understand that for her, there was only him, and that - far from "settling" - she was genuinely thrilled that he was her man. How she loved the look of him - the wild, exotic, sensitive, intelligent, beautiful spirit that shone through his eyes, the unique and enthralling physical presence that so compelled and excited her. Yet at moments like this, she was reminded of how very far she had to go to make him truly believe.

"If part of the reason she's here is you, Vincent...." Her voice broke, betraying her concern.

"She will leave disappointed, Catherine," he vowed, so sincerely and fervently that tears came to her eyes.

He had raised his head to answer her, and his blue eyes glittered with the fervor of his declaration. Catherine, moved beyond words, reached out to him, her hand raised, and she cupped his cheek in her palm. He didn't pull away and, emboldened, she began to stroke his cheek with trembling fingers. Vincent's eyelids fluttered closed and his head fell back, exposing the surprisingly tender flesh of his throat. A deep sigh disclosed the ecstasy of the moment for him.

Catherine caressed the velvety bristles at his jawline, the smooth, high cheekbone, the lightly furred, flat nose - all with the most delicate, most tender of loving touches. She felt him tremble beneath her hand. The moment stretched out - intensely intimate, deeply erotic for both of them.

Vincent's lips parted as his breathing deepened, quickened. His lower lip - so full and expressive - quivered almost uncontrollably. Catherine's index finger traced across it soothingly, and he inclined his head as if to lean into her touch. She ached to lift up on her tiptoes and press her mouth against his, to feel the soft pads of his upper lip conform to hers, to taste the pink-fleshed cleft that so called to her, to experience the ripe softness of that delicious lower lip.

Just when she had made up her mind to do it, a sound from the entryway jerked them both back to the present.

"Vincent? Are you in here?" Without asking permission, Lisa entered the chamber, not even pausing when she saw Catherine and Vincent standing so closely, so intimately together. She limped over to a chair and flopped delicately into it. "Mary's going to bring me some Tunnel boots. Catherine stopped to get sneakers for herself, but all I had to wear were those ridiculous Manolo Blahniks."

Catherine began to bristle, controlling herself with an effort so as not to appear to rise to Lisa's bait. Internally she fumed. Listening to Lisa's casual lies and half-truths for an hour had almost driven her to distraction - what would it be like for Father, Vincent and the rest, if she were to remain Below for several months? And what did she intend to do while Below? Catherine couldn't imagine her pitching in to make candles or helping with the children, working in the kitchen or taking her turn at sentry duty. Did she expect to be waited on hand and foot, as it appeared she was now? Would she milk her incapacitation and play on her fame to make the gullible and kindly among the Tunnel dwellers do her bidding? She could see it all so clearly. Well, she wouldn't let it happen.

"I think it's time you had a talk with Father, Lisa." Catherine put on her most intimidating prosecutor's face.

Lisa was unimpressed, or at least made a convincing show of being so. "I don't really think anything needs to be decided right now, Catherine. Relax! You're always so uptight."

Catherine ignored the dig. "Vincent, why don't you get Father and the other Council members - they’re probably still gathered in his study. We can sit here," she looked meaningfully at Lisa, then continued, "and 'relax' and talk about the future."

Vincent left, ignoring Lisa's protest. When he'd ducked out of the chamber, Lisa leveled a glare in Catherine. "This is none of your business. You don't live Below. Why don't you go back Above and let those of us who do work this out?"

Catherine shook her head and tilted it, regarding the sitting woman. "For someone who hasn't lived Below in eighteen years and who recently has had legal troubles, you shouldn't be so quick to assert residency rights."

"What do you mean?" Lisa’s smile was a little less certain now.

"I don't know if you recall, Lisa, but there are rules about coming to live Below. Considering your unresolved legal situation, I don't think you can just declare yourself 'returned.' The Council will have to evaluate your request to live Below, for sanctuary."

"Sanctuary!" Lisa had the nerve to laugh. "I don't need sanctuary. Wherever did you get an idea like that?"

"Well, for one thing, there's the little matter of your time in the witness protection program." Catherine eyed her with undisguised suspicion. "What happened, Lisa? Did your enemies find you? Did you get tired and walk away?"

Outrage turned Lisa's brown eyes to glittering chips of topaz. "I don't have to answer to you!"

Father entered the chamber, followed silently by Vincent, Mary and William. "Actually, you do. Or, I should say, you have to answer those questions. The Council will pose them, and they must be answered to our satisfaction before we can consider your request to live Below."

"But..." Lisa's cool demeanor deserted her. She became a caged wildcat. "I've been a Tunnel dweller all my life! Just because I went Above to pursue a career doesn't change anything! I have a right to be here." She sat up straight and pointed an accusing finger at Catherine. "She doesn't. She's not a member of the Council, why does she have a right to interrogate me?"

"She doesn't, on her own," Father admitted. "However, as she knows more about the circumstances of your legal problems Above, we consider her advice and assistance essential to our deliberations."

Catherine shot Father a grateful look, suspecting he'd made up that reasoning on the spot. Still, none of the others objected or contradicted him.

Changing tactics on the fly - Catherine had to admire her resourcefulness - Lisa let her eyes fill with tears and in a quavering voice she asked, "Why are you giving me the third degree? I just got here. I'm alone, pregnant...I need to come home." She began to cry.

Mary rushed to her side, as everyone knew she would, sympathy at the ready. Her heart often overruled her head, particularly when someone was in distress, and it hardly mattered to her if it was real or not. "Hush, child. You need to rest now. We can continue this discussion tomorrow." She helped the younger woman to her feet, and Lisa leaned on her, exaggerating her limp, allowing herself to be led from the chamber.

Father and William stared at each other in silent communion. Without a word, they each shrugged and followed the retreating women out of the chamber.

Catherine looked after them, then turned to Vincent. "She's not going to make this easy for you."

He didn't reply. He didn't need to.

Catherine sagged down onto the chair Lisa had recently vacated, staring at the worn pattern on the old rug covering the hard stone of the chamber floor. The pattern swirled in on itself, too complicated to follow with the eye. Like so much of life, she thought. Suddenly, she straightened, resolve flooding through her.

Vincent, alert as always to the shifting ebbs and flows of Catherine's emotions, stared intently at her.

"I'm going back Above. I want to find out what's happened on the legal front. If she's been released from protective custody, I should be able to find out. If she escaped from custody, I might be able to find that out - but that would be harder; they don't advertise their mistakes."

Vincent considered her plan. "What about her pregnancy?"

Catherine's smile was without humor. "That I'll have to leave to you here Below. Perhaps she might confide in Mary...or perhaps she might tell you. She seems to want to become closer to you." She hesitated, then continued, "I'm not saying you should encourage that, but...."

He nodded. "I understand. We will both, in our different ways, try to discover Lisa's secrets. Tomorrow?"

She stood and nodded once, firmly. "Tomorrow."

"I'll come to you."