CHAPTER SIX: DIANA

Father, there is something more that I should tell you.Someone has come into my life - someone from the world Above - awoman.

A woman?

Her name is Diana. She works with the police, investigatingCatherine's murder.

And you went to her?

She found me, near death. She brought me to her home. Shenursed me until I was well again.

And what - what do you mean, 'she found you'?

Over the months she gathered the threads of my life withCatherine; wove them together; understood. Truly, Father, sheunderstands. She knew that I would return to Catherine'sgrave.

The Chimes at Midnight (Written by Campanelli & Moore)

Having just been informed that Diana was Below, Father made hisway to the children's chambers with uncharacteristic haste. He hadalready surmised that Diana had come to see Vincent, and in missinghim, had gone to visit young Jacob instead. Still, regardless of thepurpose for her visit, Father saw this as the opportunity he'd hopedfor to speak with Diana privately.

Vincent had been gone since early morning with a repair crew thatwasn't expected to return until late into the evening. Father waswell aware that he couldn't have asked for a better set of naturallyoccurring coincidences, and it was only reasonable for him to makeuse of this opportunity. However, upon arriving at the entrance ofthe chamber, he paused. What he had to say to Diana would not be easyon either of them. Of course, the discomfort of a subject had neverstopped him from speaking his peace in the past. Another timesuddenly flashed in his mind, bring back the early confrontationshe'd had with Catherine. But no, Diana was not Catherine, and hisintent was no longer to dictate Vincent's personal affairs. As hegathered his composure, the only sign of Father's uncertainty was theperspiration on his brow which he impatiently wiped away with theworn handkerchief he kept in his pocket.

As he entered the large chamber which served as the playroom forthe children, he was met by the site of Diana surrounded by toys andsitting comfortably on an old rug in the center of the floor,cross-legged, with Jacob in her lap. Father found himself stunnedspeechless by the seldom witnessed event of Diana with her head flungback, laughing. At the sound of her laughter, he was once againstruck by her forthright beauty and the clear affection she had forhis grandson.

Seeing her so carefree and at ease with young Jacob, Father feltthe same twinge of doubt that had caused him to pause outside of thechamber. Diana obviously loved Jacob, as Father was certain she hadalso fallen in love with Jacob's father. He still could not fathomhow Vincent remained blind to the attraction Diana felt for him. Butthen, perhaps Vincent did know and simply chose not to confront theissue. It wouldn't be the first time that Vincent allowed a matter ofthe heart to lie dormant. It was this insight which strengthened hisresolve. Diana had to be told, and there was no better time than thepresent.

It wasn't until Jacob scooted away from Diana's lap and ran to hisgrandfather on what were still somewhat wobbly legs that Diana lookedup to see the older Jacob standing in the room.

"Granfa!" Jacob cried, obviously pleased to have anotherunexpected visitor. Despite his stiff hip, Father lowered himself toJacob's height with outstretched arms that wrapped around the littleboy in unrestrained love and pride.

"And how is my namesake today?" Father greeted.

"I'm playing with Dinana! See?" and with all the self-importancethat comes with emerging toddlerhood, Jacob pointed a chubby fingerback to where Diana was still sitting on the floor.

"Hello, Jacob," she said, and taking advantage of her freedom totease the patriarch of the community, she added, "What brings youover here with the little people?"

"Actually, I was coming to see one of the big people, Diana. Icame to speak with you."

"Oh?" she said a little warily. "Well, if that's the case, can itwait until we've picked up this mess?"

"Certainly." Turning back to Jacob, Father gave the child anotherquick hug, and pointed him back in Diana's direction. "I'd just bet,Jacob, that Diana could use your help in putting away thosetoys."

Anxious to show his grandfather what he could do, Jacob ran backover to Diana and began to lob his toys into the large wooden crate,all along punctuating his actions with, see Granfa!

When all of the toys were finally packed away, Diana scooped Jacobinto her arms and turned toward one of the inner chambers, callingback to Father, "Just let me leave little Jake with Brook, and I'llbe right out."

Jacob waved good-bye enthusiastically to his grandfather. As theyentered the side chamber leading to the children's sleeping area,Diana didn't see Father wince at her words. He knew Diana was loatheto call him Father, and certainly many of the helpers calledhim Jacob. That was his name, after all; but to call his grandsonlittle Jake? He had heard somewhere that Diana had a penchantfor nicknames, but this was the first time he'd heard one used.What must she call Vincent? he wondered. With a definitetightening of his shoulders, he prayed the day would never come whenhis proud and dignified son was reduced to answering to the name ofVinnie. All in all, it didn't sit well with him that hisgrandson and namesake was wearing the tag of Jake. In his sageopinion, it didn't fit the rambunctious youngster - not at all.Whatever did she think the naming ceremony had been allabout?

Allowing himself a sigh of exasperation, he pushed these thoughtsout of his mind. What he had to speak with Diana about would bedifficult enough without adding his dislike of her nicknames to thediscussion. Schooling the scowl on his face to a more neutralexpression, he waited for her to return.
"So, what can I do for you?" Diana said, as she came up to him. Intruth she already felt that this talk wouldn't be the high point ofher day, and even without her ability to "hunch" things, the merefact that he had come personally to seek her out bode of somethingserious. But she couldn't very well refuse to speak to Vincent'sfather. She took reassurance, however, where she could find it andreminded herself that she and Jacob had always gotten along civilly;and at least theirs wasn't the all-out war that he had waged withCatherine. With that thought she willingly took the arm that heoffered and allowed him to escort her out of the children'schambers.

"I thought we could go to my chamber to speak privately, Diana,"he said once they were outside and well beyond anyone who might hear.Coming from someone else, Diana might have been suspicious of such aninvitation. Coming from the senior Jacob, she merely nodded her headin the affirmative.

Although she had promised herself she wouldn't, after walking fora short while, Diana broke the silence. "I've got to admit, you'vegot me curious....care to let me in on what's going on?"

Father only smiled, patted her hand and said, "Not here, my dear.Patience." And he continued to lead her down the main artery thatemptied into his chamber then, further down, Vincent's own. Once theyarrived, he offered her a cup of tea, which she declined as heexpected. He offered to send for coffee, but she rejected that also.She obviously impatient to have this over with, and after pouring hiscup of tea, he finally settled down next to her. At that point, Dianaknew something was wrong. She'd never been in Jacob's chamber when hehadn't separated himself from her by all manner of books scatteredacross the large table that he used as a desk. Resisting the urge tofidget, she tried to forget her discomfort as she focused on thepatriarch.

Clearing his throat, Father took a steadying breath and began."Diana, I sought you out today as a friend to speak with you aboutsomeone I care very much about."

"Vincent," she said without thinking.

"Hmmm, yes. Vincent," Father echoed. A little taken aback byDiana's unconscious display of her empathic ability, he took a quicksip from his cup and pressed on before his nerves overwhelmed hisgood intentions.

"Diana, I know you're aware of my past involvement in Vincent andCatherine's relationship. Please be assured that this is not theintent of my talk with you. Believe me, I've learned since that timenot to dictate or second guess Vincent's personal life. Likewise, Ihope you know you've become a treasured part of our family, and yourhelp to Vincent and Jacob has not gone unappreciated."

"Thanks, Jacob, but I still don't see . . ."

"Please, Diana," he interrupted, "allow me to finishfirst. You may find this hard to believe, but speaking on this isdifficult for me, but it's because of the high esteem that I have foryou as a helper and friend that I am compelled to see thisthrough."

Jacob's words reached her, and for once, Diana held back. She felthis sincerity, and although she sensed that it was misdirected, shewas willing to give the old man his say. Leaning back in her chair,she let go of the breath she had been holding and waved for him tocontinue. She couldn't promise how long she'd sit and take this, butfor now she'd listen.
Father didn't bother to hide his surprise. He really hadn't expectedher to allow him to go on. Still, he was aware of Diana's temperamentand knew it was best that he complete his message expeditiously.

"Diana, Vincent is my son, and I know him to be one of the mostunselfish souls God's ever graced on this earth, but he has hisweaknesses, like any....man."

Father's pause on the word man was hardly noticeable, butDiana was trained to notice such things, and she looked up sharply athim. Father saw the reproach in her eyes, but he wasn't about toapologize to Diana for stumbling over a word that even Vincentrefused to use for himself. Thus, he ignored her and continued.

"I know you are aware of his grief over Catherine's death, but Iwonder if you are also aware of the pain he is in. No matter what hesays or does to put those of us who love him at ease, it is all afacade behind which he mourns Catherine's death, blames himself, andtries to find solace in the memories. And just like anyone who isunder such persistent stress, any diversion is welcomed as adistraction from the pain. I fear that you, my dear, are such adiversion. Your presence in his life is a blessing to him and Jacob,but I believe it may not hold the same meaning for him that it doesfor you. That is why I felt I must talk with you. If I didn't fearfor the toll this charade of Vincent's will ultimately take on yourpersonal and emotional welfare, I would never have opened thisPandora's Box."

Slowly, Diana sat up until she was only sitting on the edge of thechair, and for a moment, Father thought she was going to leave. Thenshe spoke so low that he found himself leaning toward her to catchthe words.

"Jacob, let me get this straight. You came to tell me thatVincent's interest in me is not romantic, and you're telling me allthis because you care about me and don't want to see me hurt?"

"Well, yes. Yes."

"I have to hand it to you....for someone who doesn't involvehimself in Vincent's personal life anymore, you sure as hell seem tome to be very much involved."

When Father failed to respond, Diana looked somewhat embarrassedby her snide remark, and with genuine contrition, she added, "Sorry,that was a low blow, but I think you're reading this all wrong. I amVincent's friend: no more, no less. That's all that's everbeen between us. I don't know where you've come up with the idea thatromance is a part of the equation, but there's nothing - not for himand not for me. So if that's what you wanted to hear? There. I'vesaid it. Rest assured I have no designs on your precious son, so doesthat calm your worries?"

Father had lived far too long to be put off so easily, yet, he hadto give her credit for making the effort to sidetrack him. Hisinstincts, however, told him that he was right on the mark and itwould take more than an act of bravado to make him change his mind.Reaching across he gently placed his hand over hers, and with truecompassion in his voice, he replied to her.

"Diana, I've known you to be blunt, but I've never known you to becruel or unfair in your assessment. Try to believe me when I tell youthat if you and Vincent choose to have a relationship, nothing wouldmake me happier. I know now that my son needs a companion and youngJacob needs a mother. So, contrary to what you may think, it's not myintention to dictate your future with or without Vincent. But I wouldbe negligent as your friend and the leader of our small community ifI didn't tell you that Vincent is not yet ready to give his heart toanyone. And even more, I greatly fear that additional pressure to gethim to do so would be disastrous for you both."

Now Diana did stand up. She turned her back on him and searchedwildly for some way to regain control of the conversation and heremotions. She was determined not to cry in front of Jacob, but in herheart, she knew that what he said was true. She wasn't wearingblinders, no matter what he thought. She knew that Vincent'sattention held nothing more for her than friendship, and although sheyearned for his love, the small hope she had nurtured deep in herheart had now been crushed by the caring words of an old man. If shehad any pride, she'd have walked away from the entire situation afterJake had been safely returned. But even then she knew she had fallenin love with Vincent, and she simply couldn't stay away. In the end,it was love that had stripped her of pride. No, not love: Vincent,she admitted to herself. His very name caused longing, hope, anddespair to surge through her, all in equal doses. She could no morewalk away from him than she could stop breathing, and what was more,she didn't want to.

Turning back to Jacob, she raised her head until their eyes met,and she asked him, "So what would you have me do?...stop cominghere?....stop allowing him to visit me Above? Exactly what do youwant of me, Jacob? Should I just stop seeing him or being a friend tohis son?"

At this, Father sat straight up and ran his hand nervously throughhis hair. "For God's sake no, Diana! Please, sit down and hear meout. I'm not saying to stop your friendship with Vincent or any ofus. I only ask that you bear in mind that Vincent is still holding onto Catherine."

Slowly, Diana sank back into the chair, and after a pause, shelooked at Father. "You say he's holding on to Catherine? But she'sdead . . and he's gotten better," she began.

"No!" Father interjected forcefully.

"That's just it! To Vincent, she isn't dead, and he hasn't 'gottenbetter. He's only gotten better at hiding his pain. Don't you see,that is what I thought, too! Perhaps that is what I wanted to believeto ease my own guilt after the way I treated Catherine. It was onlytoward the end that I understood that their love was meant to be, andjust as they had begun to find true happiness, with my blessing, shewas gone. I won't prevaricate about it, Diana. I have my own share ofguilt to shoulder for my actions where Catherine and Vincent areconcerned, but now all I want for Vincent is for him to once againfind the joy in living, in loving. Suspecting the depth of yourfeelings for him, I had even thought that he would have turned toyou, and he still may. But now is not the time!"

"Why do you keep saying that?" she cried in obvious distress.

Father could see that Diana was in denial, and inwardly he balkedat having to further explain why her hidden desire for Vincent was,at its best, wishful thinking. Stalling for time as he determined howmuch she should know, he removed his glasses and wearily rubbed thebridge of his nose. He'd tried to be gentle, but it would obviouslytake the brutal truth to make her face the reality of the situationwith Vincent, so taking the bull by the tail, he answered herquestion.

"I had hoped that you would understand, and that details would notbe necessary. But I see now that it may be the only way that you'llbelieve the truth for what it is."

Diana watched the patriarch of this underground community draw ina deep breath, as if he were steeling himself for battle. He satforward and gripped his cane so tightly that his knuckles shonewhite. At his grim expression, she felt her confidence begin towaver. Then, shaking off the feeling, she faced Jacob, and her lookedchallenged him to take his best shot. She had never run fromadversity in her life, and she wouldn't start in front of him. Fathernoted her stance and knew that nothing less than the truth would dofor this woman.

"Diana, Vincent still dreams of her. He still wakes in thedarkness calling her name, his pillow wet with the tears of hissorrow. He walks for hours into the night trying to escape the guilthe feels, and when he holds his son, he looks at the child and seesCatherine, not as a memory, but as the only reality he will allow inhis heart. Facing life is a trial for him with only brief moments ofpeace, for he is always on his guard to project the image thateveryone expects of him. It's no wonder that he's fooled so many,including you. Even with your own degree of empathy with Vincent, youstill have not suspected the truth. Look at all you know about him,Diana. You have seen him sit for hours at a time by her graveside. DoI really need to go on?"

"No. Don't." she whispered. Tears had suddenly appeared in Diana'seyes, and for a moment Father stared at her in shock. He hadn't meantto bring her such pain. But understanding the source of her sadness,he gently embraced her, and for the second time in his life, he foundhimself comforting a woman whose sorrow was the fact that she'dfallen in love with his son. Swallowing the guilt he now felt anew,he tried to console her.

"Understand, my dear, that my words were said out of concern forVincent, and for you. I never meant to bring you heartache, only anunderstanding of where Vincent is now, and the fact that I don't wantto see you torn apart by it. He still needs time...time to heal. Idon't know how long....his scars are so deep...but you deserve toknow the truth. What you do with that knowledge, is for you todecide. I can't tell you not to love him, that's out of my hands;but, my dear, don't let your love for him destroy you."

For a long while she was silent. Somehow, her hair had come untiedfrom the knot she'd twisted it in, but she paid it no attention. Thenas if summoning some inner strength, she pushed back from him andhastily rubbed her eyes. Turning to face Jacob, her voice remainedsteady as she told him, "I understand what you did today, Jacob, andhonestly, you' haven't told me anything I don't already know. Butthere's also something you must understand, and perhaps it will putthings in perspective for you. When it comes to loving Vincent, Isimply have no choice. When it comes to Jake, I love him as if hewere my own. So you see, I have no alternative other than to wait forVincent to get over Catherine. It may take a while, but she is 'dead'Jacob - truly gone from his life. And I'm here. This I say with nodisrespect to Catherine's memory, but the fact is that when Vincentis ready to reach out to love again, I want to be the one he reachesfor."

"And what happens, Diana, if Vincent is never ready. What happensif he never lets go of Catherine?" Father quietly interjected.

That question gave her pause, and Father realized that she hadnever considered Vincent's nature: his stubbornness and unwaveringloyalty and most of all, the depth of his love for one, CatherineChandler. She had truly not considered the possibility that Vincentmight never get over his first true love; he might never let go ofCatherine. And as Father watched, he saw the thought form in hermind. He saw the possibility take root to become a part of Diana'sreality, and that is when their conversation slid downhill at thespeed of an approaching avalanche.

Diana's face was now flushed with emotion. Father noticed thatboth her hands were balled into fists. Oh my God, he belatedlythought, have I misjudged her ability to face the truth? Andfrom an extensive history of experiences in handling a son with hisown share of volatile emotions, Father waited for the impending stormto break, with the hope that afterwards, reason would reassertitself. He hadn't long to wait as Diana now glared at him in fury andlet the full force of her displeasure be known.

"Jacob, when did being patriarch of this world include predictingeveryone's behavior? You no more "know" what Vincent will ultimatelydo than I do. So let me give you some friendly advice. Don't try toget in between Vincent and me. Whatever happens, or doesn't happen,is strictly our concern. Right now I doubt he'd be any happier tolearn of our conversation than I've been to sit here and listen toyou. I've only endured this, because regardless of how misguided orcontrolling you may be, I do believe you truly love Vincent. Butunderstand this: I love him too, and I am not Catherine. I will notbe bullied into backing off, and as far your insight . . .I've heardthat you've had your own share of mistakes and heartaches. Well thisis 'my' heart, and I reserve the right to give it to whoever I chooseand even have it broken if that's what I choose. So stay out of this,Jacob. In this you, you have no jurisdiction.

With that she grabbed up the worn jeans jacket she'd been wearingand bounded up the stairs. Father leaned back wearily in his chair.It was fairly obvious that he had failed to convince her that hisintention had been to spare her the pain of unrequited love. Yet, heeven understood her anger: for it was the product of her helplessnessto do anything about the feelings Vincent still carried forCatherine, not to mention her helplessness to control even her ownfeelings. Still, he had given it his best shot, and there was onebright spot. Diana hadn't drawn the gun he knew she kept tuckedbeneath her sweater. For that, at least, he could be thankful.

Suppressing a sigh, he looked up to watch her leave. She stoodunmoving at the threshold of his chamber, heaving in great gulps ofair. Father suspected she might be crying, but all he could see washer thick copper hair flowing wildly behind her. And then she wasgone, distancing herself from the pain of his words and thetruth.